If you could program your GPS to say whatever you wanted, what would it be saying?

Rick and I took a little road trip today, to a podunk little town about 50 miles away. He whipped out the GPS that I so stupidly bought for him last year ( I hate that woman!!), and programed it for our destination. Well, we DO know how to get from our house to the road three blocks to the north, that turns into the highway leading out of town. We also know that the best way to get there is to run about 10 blocks east first, before turning back north to get on the highway. Well, GPS woman was having a fit for those 10 blocks, because she kept telling us to “Turn left. Then take the third right,” over and over and OVER again for the length of the 10 blocks! I finally turned on my internal GPS and was saying things like, “Turn left. Then….” he passes another street. “Turn left!! Then….” again. “Turn left, dumbass! When you going to learn to listen to me!!”
“Turn LEFT damn it!!” and on and on, with the “real” GPS lady chiming in every three seconds. :)
He finally turned left and I said, “Take the third right. Can you count to three, dumbass??”
Well, then Rick poked my arm. I said, “What was that for?”
He said, “I turned you off.”
Well, hell. So I clamped my lips shut and vowed never to speak again. But, then when I wouldn’t answer a question he was asking me, he turned me back on and I resumed doing what women are programmed to do and that is to tell our husbands how to drive ‘cause they don’t do it right!!!
“Go straight. Go straight. Look out for that cow. Go straight.” He turned me back off. By this time we were out of town on the highway. There was an old car in front of us, driving very erratically. We passed him, and as I was watching him or her in the rear view mirror, that person actually swerved over into the oncoming lane for several seconds! I turned my self back on, reached for my cell phone and called 911. Can your GPS do THAT? :)

But if you could program it for your SO, what would it be saying? As noted, mine would use various forms of “dumbass.” :)