...Dating for the date-challenged?

You pick her up, or meet her or whatever you have prearranged. The place you have chosen sounds fantastic. You ask if she wants ice cream, or whatever the booths are selling. You talk about the people around you, the plays, etc. This atmosphere gives you so much to talk about. I promise it will come easy once you get there. She will also be talking, asking questions of you. Hold her hand and if she pulls away, she doesn’t want you to hold it. Just don’t be overly touchy-feely on the first date. If it feels right, give her a kiss goodnight, don’t press for one though. Follow her lead on that issue.

Okay, hold on, is that the reduced Shakespeare Company you’re seeing or something else? Because they’re really really good if you are seeing them.

I hate to be “this guy”, but just be yourself and don’t try too hard. You really can’t stress the second part enough. If you just relax and she doesn’t like it, whatever. Not that big of a deal.

Also, listen to @chyna. She knows relationships more than me; my advice is coming from terrible high school shite.

I don’t think you are going to have a problem with this. Conversation seems to come easily for you and you never have lack of wit. Just pick her up (or meet her somewhere), go downtown and get into the crowd. You should have a couple of options in mind for when the play is over—food, coffee, whatever. Have fun—that’s what dating is supposed to be.

Life is an indie comedy starring Michael Cera! :)

Treat your date….just as you would going out with a friend. You go to the show, you laugh and have a good time. You buy some ice cream and walk around some more. You don’t have to do a thing except enjoy being with someone, Cree.

You don’t have to hold her hand, kiss her or anything like that….unless you want to or it feels right to do so. But if her momma raised her right, she won’t be pressing for that anyway.

It really doesn’t have to be big drama….just enjoying an evening with someone. Relax. Breathe. Easy-Peasy.

Ooh, I would love to be going out on a date like this one!

Offer to pay for everything. She might politely reach for her wallet – do not, I repeat, do not let her pay for anything on a first date.

You are a well-spoken,entertaining guy and you shouldn’t have any problems with a date!
The play sounds great and there will be so much going on around you that you won’t have much chance to mess up:)
You know,she is probably just as nervous as you are! Relax and have fun!:)

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, it sounds like a perfect date. I doubt you could fuck it up. Your thought provoking questions and answers has proven that here. Just play according to the directions of the winds.

I remember a perfect date I had once. It went like this. There was this place back in AZ where you could buy some pottery, paint it how you wished and then they would kiln it for you. Then we ate some ice cream saw a movie and had coffee afterward. T’was fun.

Sounds like a great place to go – plenty to look at and talk about. Listen to her as well as talk; most guys forget to listen. I wouldn’t try to hold her hand or do anything physical unless it comes really naturally to you. If you have something to drink, don’t get smashed. You’re a great guy out to have a nice time with a new friend….

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard “I’ve asked a girl on a date and she gave me an enthusiastic yes.”
Good for you!
Be the broski that you are around here, i would say.
You are quite the clever, good guy (as far as i can judge) and you word your sayings pretty humourus.
The setting will be to your advantage too, i would like to think.
You can’t be seen too much of a looney with all those clowns around.
Have a fun time!

Stop thinking, and start being your normal, companionable, charming self.

@answerjill….My sentiments exactly! I think we may need to queue up for some Southern hospitality…fab….just fab, eh?

Lucky lady.

@chyna, sounds good. I should trust you. I usually rely on my own confidence to help with this sort of thing, so there’s no reason why I can’t do it now. Thanks for the tips.

@dverhey, nope. Not them, as far as I know. It’s a local group that is affiliated with the university, but they may travel. I’m not sure. Thanks for your advice. I’ll take it to heart.

@perspicacious, thanks, I’m feeling emboldened already. I need to keep fun at the top of my priorities. That will help alot. Thank you.

@DarlingRhadamanthus, haha, definitely. Thanks for the advice. I figured the well-populated nature of the square would give us alot to do, see, and talk about.

@answerjill, I hope someone takes you on one then!

@zenele, money is definitely not an issue. I usually pay for all of my female friends when we are out anyway. It’s a southern boy thing, I guess. Thanks for the tip though.

@lucillelucillelucille, thank you so much, and you are right. I’ll just relax… *breathes in… breathes out….

@Axemusica, hey, there is a place like that near where I live… with the pottery. I’ll try suggesting that if date #1 works out. Thank you!

@janbb, I think I should be good to go in the listening respect. Part of what drew her to me in the first place was my ability and willingness to be a good listener (from her mouth). Thanks for the advice!

@rebbel, haha, thanks, that’s what I’m thinking!

@dpworkin, thank you kindly, sir. You’re right. I do tend to over analyze things, as evident by this question. I’ll take your words to heart.

@jjmah, you know you will always have my heart :-)

Find out as much as you can about her likes and I would have a little gift/token of something special to you to give to her. Even an MP3 or CD loaded with your fav tunes would be a nice way to start off a hopefully long meaningful relationship!

@Cruiser, funny you should mention it. One of the things that we were talking about is how similar our musical tastes are. I mean they are exactly the same. I did a little recon work and made a playlist of her favorite bands and songs on my ipod that I will conveniently play in my car on the way to the show. Thanks for the tips!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Sounds like you’re already off to a great start!

How great! – Have fun…maybe down a shot before the date…jk, jk.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, haha, that sounds like something my school friends would do. I may down a shot or two of cream soda though. That usually calms me down.

You’re already past the hard part. Just dress appropriately (not over- or under-), be yourself and keep your expectations low.

Note: This is from an Aspie who didn’t date until 38 years old. It is definitely not one of my fields of expertise.Now give my a firearms question…~

Update us when the date is over.

Brush your teeth and clean your fingernails. Good personal hygiene is first order of business. Shakespeare sounds like great first date.

Hey, update us while the date is going on! We’re your Fluther fam; we want to know.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, excellent point, my friend. I usually dress rather well so I should be okay. Thanks for the tips.

so I’m thinking about getting a Luger next… how much do artillery Lugers go for?

@chyna, I most certainly will! It’s scheduled for the 22nd, so I have a little time. That’s probably why I’m so nervous. If it were tomorrow, I wouldn’t be half this anxious. I’m also extremely excited.

@josie, absolutely. Hygiene is very important to me. Thanks for the tip!

@janbb, absolutely! Thanks so much for your help.

@everyone, thanks for all the kind words, encouragement, and helpful tips. The GA’s are on me, and I’ll definitely keep y’all updated.

Awwww…!

I co-sign with @dverhey, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard. Lust covers a multitude of faults, and once that’s dissipated… it really helps if two people are friends and like each other. However you were behaving that got you that enthusiastic “YES!” to the date is how you should keep behaving.

Yay for you!

@aprilsimnel, good point, which I have taken to heart. I’m just going to keep being myself and doing whatever I did to get her attention in the first place. Thanks alot!

Good Grief I can not believe how excited I am about this date. How fun. Be clean and comfortable, bring a hanky, wear a GOOD deodorant . I am stopping here, you have received so much enthusiasm and good advice, I feel like I am participating in a Launch Party !!!!

@MaryW, don’t worry, no Axe for me! It’s quality anti-perspirant, plus Ivory soap, and a good cologne for me. I don’t want to smell like an 8th grade prom exploded all over me ;-)
Thanks for the tips and enthusiasm.

Make sure you smell good, seriously, girls love guys that smell good. (No joke, it’s like +10 stamina)
Make her laugh a lot, but don’t try too hard.
Compliment her on the way she looks (if she looks good ^.^).
If you are having fun, open up to her, get to know her, tell her a bit about who you are.

You guys will have a ton of fun!
Just be your awesome, intellegent, hilarious, gentlemanly self!
….and I’ll be waiting around for an update….

@chels, excellent, yet another woman’s advice. Just what I needed. I’ve got the smell covered so +10 stamina for me. I haven’t had much trouble making her laugh over the phone, so I think I’m good there, and this girl is absolutely exquisite, so compliments should be good to go. Thanks for the tips, and you’ll definitely get an update. Thanks alot!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You’re in the big leagues now. About $4k minimum in good condition and full accessories (remember that you no longer need a Class 2 for the shoulder stock, just C&R now). My grandfather carried one in the Great War.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Honestly, tell her she’s absolutely exquisite. She’ll probably melt.

And wonderful because sense of humor > a lot of other things.

Also, if you feel like you want to know more about her, ask her some things about herself. When a guy asks a girl questions, us girls reaaaaally like it because it feels like he wants to get to know you and that boosts our self-confidence and makes us less nervous and more comfortable around you. Also, it’s a stealthy way of getting her to open up to you, which is always good.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, oh wow, I think I’ll just start with a decent looking DWM shooter then for the time being.

@chels, you are a goddess, these tips are great. We’ve gotten pretty trusting of each other pretty quickly and she has had no problem opening up to me already. I’ll see how well I can keep it up in person. Thanks again for your invaluable assistance.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You’re welcome! And thank you! If I think of anything else, I will surely let you know.

Also, that’s wonderful that she’s open with you already, don’t lose that :)!

smile…...and enjoy yourself. It’s gonna rock…...

@jazmina88, thank you :-)

I’d take that cool dueling pistol along just in case she needs some protection. lol

Just be yourself…you are a bright and fun guy…I’d date you if I was 30 years younger! lol :-)

@Coloma, haha, thank you kindly, Coloma!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard the fact that you take the trouble to ask speaks very well for you. I hope you pay attention to her and don’t spend your time texting or talking on your cell. The date itself sounds like a great place and time.
I think you’re going to be great just by being your sweet self.

@Trillian, don’t you worry. My attention will be appropriately focused :)

I think everyone’s got you covered on advice, so I’ll just add my squee! well wishes to the chorus. Have a great time! :)

@augustlan, thank you so much ma’am!

Ooh, and one more thing—I strongly feel that one should not feel as if s/he has to have physical contact with date—especially on a first date—but…. if you do want to hold her hand, being in a crowded square like one you describe could make it a very natural move. After all, you may need to make sure that you don’t lose her in the crowd!

@answerjill, absolutely. I’m not very physical myself anyway, so making her feel pressured shouldn’t be an issue. That is a good strategy you offer there, and I’ll use it if the mood is right.

Funny how we have all become a bunch of yentas….

@answerjill, not at all, I find it flattering!

Alright guys, I’m going to pick her up in an hour. Wish me luck and expect a positive report later tonight!

Woo-hoo!

The best of luck, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard.
Have a good time and enjoy yourselves!!

Have fun shtorming the castle!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard AHHHHHHHHHHHHH> GOOD LUCK! I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!! AKDJASKJDA!!!

Well… Fluther…

It didn’t quite go as planned. I wound up drifting around downtown for three hours waiting for her to let me know where she was. About 8:45 (we were supposed to meet at 6), I get a message saying she can’t make it. I just went home. She was somewhat apologetic and asked me if I’d like to do anything Sunday (some trendy urban church thing). I gave her a tentative yes.

So… does this sound sketchy? Would I be better just ejecting or should I give it another go on Sunday?

Boo. I’d say it depends on what her reason for not showing and keeping you hanging for hours was. Legitimate reason(s)? Give it another go. Bullshit (or likely bullshit)? Get out while you still can. And, if you want me to, I’d be happy to kick her in the shin for you. :p

Oh no. I’m so sorry. She should’ve called you much sooner to let you know.
I think I would pass on seeing her again. That was just rude of her. If she had a good reason, then maybe see her again on Sunday.
Damn, I was looking forward to a great story. :-(

Well damn. Apparently it was work/dad related, but she was on facebook the whole time (according to my older female non-blood sister figure who always tries to look out for me) so who knows? I may give it a go, Sunday, but if some bizarre unlikely bullshit comes up, I’m just going to say screw it and chalk it up as life experience. Still kinda hurts though :-/ I know it shouldn’t.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Grrrr. Although she couldn’t make it, give it another try, see what happens. To be honest, I’ve left my FB open (while out) a ton of times, so I wouldn’t really look too far into that. If any more bullshit comes up, move on. It’s rough, but it happens. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Sunday will be 100x better for you. Keep your head up. And I’m right with @augustlan. I’ll kick her in the other shin :).

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’d give it one more shot. If something comes up Sunday, then I say forget her. Her loss.

@augustlan, @chyna, and @chels, thank you guys so much for your support and words of encouragement. That really helps. It’s good to know that there are good people out there in internet land that have my back.

@knitfroggy, that’s looking like it’s going to be what I do. Thanks for the advice.

Awww! Gee whiz! :(

Well, let’s see what Sunday brings. And regardless of that outcome, you did right by going after who you were interested in. If it turns out that this young woman is flaky, then that’s all her and nothing to do with you, and you can try again. Congratulations on being brave enough for asking to begin with!

Ah shit – doesn’t she know that millions of lonely people were vicariously living for the results of this date? :-) I’m sorry it panned out this way, Fiddle. I guess I would give it one more go with a bit of a jaded bias and then take it from there. It really sucks.

@aprilsimnel, you’re right. I’ve just got to keep the right attitude about this. I’m only a loser if I play the defeatist role, and if it winds up being bullshit again, then well, nothing of value was lost and it’s better it should come out sooner, rather than later. Thank you kindly for the support.

@janbb, yeah, I was hoping that I would have a great story to tell all my dear flutherites, but not this time. Oh well, that’s how the cookie gets baked, or crumbles, or whatever they say. I’m definitely giving it one more go, but I’m being very careful and very guarded this time around. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for the support though.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Give it another go.

If she pulls something else, I’m thinking a second round of skin kicking.

@jjmah, thank you darling. I appreciate it.

My gut reaction is to pull the big orange handle. She couldn’t have called you before you sat there waiting? You’re too high-quality a guy to take that kind of chickenshit. Keep your emotional armor on with this one if you give her a second chance. Is she one of those “popular” types who thinks she can use you as a doormat? ((man hugs))

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, you fucking rock, as always. Thanks man. She’s actually not one of the popular types. She’s very, very attractive, but she considers herself awkward and shy.

Maybe give her another chance then. If she pulls that stunt again, let her become persona non grata.

Grrr! That sort of behavior makes me so MAD! (And keep in mind that I am not all that easily riled-up.) I guess that it might be ok to give her the benefit of the doubt this one time, but in this day and age, there are rarely any good excuses for not picking up a phone, sending an email, texting, whatever, to let someone know that something important came up and your plans have changed. See how Sunday goes, but in any event, you sound like a great guy, it is her loss, and you deserve better.

@answerjill, thank you so much. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m sortof a pushover when it comes to things like this, but not this time…

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, advice duly taken.

^^ is a keeper.

I would like to add I agree with everything @jjmah has said. And everyone else for that matter.

She could have been nervous and flaked out, or had a legitimate excuse. But she should have let you know sooner, that’s for certain. You are such a high quality amazing guy I can’t imagine why anyone would ever stand you up like that without a legitimate problem.

@jjmah owns my heart already anyway.

@tragiclikebowie, I really appreciate these kind words. I’m just going to give her the benefit of the doubt. I sincerely like this girl. She is very beautiful and other than her scheduling issues, a very sweet person and we share all the same interests. I am, however, going to see if she takes the initiative this time with Sunday. She already suggested a “try again” date. I told her to tell me a time and place. I’ll be waiting for a response.

Thanks again my lovelies, for all the kind words and support. I’m feeling a lot better about this with you guys’ backing.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Good tactical move. Got your six.

Tomorrow is an other day, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, and i hope and assume it is going to work wonders.
Not going to say things in case it went like this or that yet.
That is for monday (or tuesday or….).
Have a good one!

Thanks a lot @rebbel!

Well? How did Sunday go?

@chyna, she never texted back. It’s done. She had issues. I made an OkCupid profile instead :-P
The dating scene in my area is abysmal.

Yeah, time to move on. The dating scene in my area is just as bad.

Bummer! Yes, do try to leave her behind…. If you are in college, there should be some potentials.

@chyna and @answerjill, yep, she’s gone. I’m not going to demand an explanation or anything like that. I’ve accepted that I’m much better off. I tad disappointed, but better off.

“Not going to say things in case it went like this or that yet.
That is for monday….”
Bummer.
Keep trust, you’re going to be a keeper for someone in near future!

Her loss.

Oh man that’s so ridiculous. It’s okay though, you’re way better off for sure. I’m sure you’ll find an amazing girl who won’t flake on you when you make plans. I’m rooting for you!

@rebbel, thanks a lot man. I appreciate it.

@jjmah, <3

@chels, thanks darling, I think so too. I really appreciate your confidence and support.

@fiddle what a jerk! She’ll never know what she missed

I’m sorry, Fiddle, but yeah… better that you found out early, huh? You’ll make some girl very happy some day.

Thanks again guys. I just got a very interesting/cute girl’s number, so it’s looking better already.

Well! There you go. I’m sure you’ll meet up with someone you’ll like and who’ll like you very soon. :)

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard She passed up a great opportunity. Don’t get down about this or lower your standards in desperation. It’s probably better this way, you have nothing invested financially and little emotionally. Remember that ultimately quality attracts quality. Patience. ((guy hug))

@stranger_in_a_strange_land, great advice as always. I haven’t let it get me down more than it should, and I know I’m better off. Thanks again man.

Be yourself. Uncomfortable moments of silence. Are not uncomfortable unless you make them. A good subject of conversation.

Be polite and shut your mouth. God I hate a gabber. Unless it is me that is gabbing.

Brush and floss then brush again. Have a nice smile and nice breath.

And, be yourself. She will see the qualities in you and will try to connect with them.
Be receptive to that.

@ChazMaz, well, all of that must have worked, because I’m pretty much taken now by an awesome young woman :-D

…and not the one this question was about, either!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard – You are a stud!

And you know it. :-)

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’m not surprised. You have it going on!

Wow, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard, what a day…, 10.000 lurve and a lady friend!

@ChazMaz, thanks man!

@chyna, you’re too sweet :)

@rebbel, I know! I’ve been busy or something!

Way to go, studly!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Congratulations. So well-deserved. Other girls will be kicking themselves for having missed out.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Ahhhhhh! Yayayayayayay! This is wonderful news! I wish you the best and the happiest of happiness :) You deserve a good woman don’t take shit from anyone, k?

YAY for FPCB!!!

I love that terrorism is one of the sub topics of this thread!!!

Thanks guys! I’m super happy. It’s going swimmingly so far!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard How cool is that?

@janbb, it’s pretty cool, that’s for sure.