How do you comfort yourself?

Sounds simplistic, but I get get away from the place the bad thing happened —the office, for example—and go to to a restaurant or Starbucks or a bookstore or anyplace where I can calm myself and think through what happened and what I should do next. Disengaging from people for a while, especially the ones who are involved in the situation always helps me.

My self-soothing is entirely dependent upon the situation. I don’t have a magic cure-all.

Some things I do are watch cathartic TV shows or movies, have a sweet treat, go into the bathroom and cry and telling myself that everything will be okay as soon as I am with my wife.

Warmth. When it gets bad (and my nerves are shot), I wrap myself in my duvet, lie by the fireplace (I get right down on the floor) and curl up into a ball. A hot bath (when I’m all shaky/anxiety), and being held.

I take a pill. Go to sleep.

I close my eyes and meditate…works most of the time.

I am assuming that when you say “something horrible”, you do not mean a life changing injury or grim diagnosis, because I think either of those might justify some sort of counseling for many people.
I will assume that you mean one of life’s unpleasant but inevetible surprises or disappointments.
I use the same principle that you learn in the military. In many cases, the worst thing you can do when you come under fire is to hunker and allow yourself to get pinned down. You have to move because if you hunker too long, the other guy will maneuver to your flanks, or drop explosives on you.
So I move-I attack the problem head on if I can, or I direct my energy in a positive direction like exercise, my own version of flanking the challenge. I do not stand still or retreat into fantasy or entertain my (occasional) vices. That is just a version of hunkering. I move in a calculated direction, with a goal in mind. What else can you do?

@josie You and @Cruiser have very different ways. His is more mental, and yours is very physical. I’m not surprised at your approach, but @Cruiser surprised me. I didn’t know he was into meditation. Unless he’s just fooling around.

Take a bath with lots of things from Lush

@ninahenry Oh a woman after my daughter’s heart. That’s her favorite store on earth!

I love it too :)

I would never go to Fluther for comfort regarding a personal problem. Maybe a Valium and a hot bath with the appropriate music on.

By taking long and deep breaths! Think positive thoughts! After that, go to the clubhouse and get me a cold beer! rarely ever drink, but a good cold beer occasionally, is a good thing!

@wundayatta I have been doing yoga for over 10 years now and the meditation part has been the greatest take away for me since starting yoga. Everybody together now…Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I lock myself in my bedroom. I have a good cry. I take Bach Rescue Remedy. I scream into a pillow (if the grief is tempered with some anger). I take a shower and (literally) wash my head/hair of the situation.Then, I make myself a cup of tea (everything feels better with a cup of tea) and sit in a chair in my kitchen in the quiet….then, I make just sleep. Sleep makes a situation a lot better.

No one to talk to? Then I would be in a pickle… that’s always my reflex when I’m feeling down… talk it out with someone. If not that, then I guess I’d read. When I’m preoccupied or bothered by certain thoughts, I just go get lost in a book. It really helps.

I would cry a lot. If it was bad enough, I would call my husband and talk it over with him. Wait, you say he isn’t available? Then I would talk to my deceased Mom about it and ask what she would do.

1. sleep
2. alcohol
3. escape fiction

Give the issue proper thought/perspective.
If that fails….medidate.
If that fails….medicate.
See ya…..Gary/wtf

If I have to go on, that means not having the freedom to stop, sleep, drink, withdraw, etc., etc. Running away is easy. It’s the going on when you must that’s really tough.

I focus. I focus on the thing that’s in front of me, the thing I have to do. It’s not about comfort at all. It’s about strength. I don’t know where it comes from other than from the knowledge that I’ve got to have it.

@ninahenry I love Lush :) It really depends on the situation. It’s hard for me to ground myself straight after something that throws me. I try to bring myself into the moment by focusing on my breathing, reminding myself that this too shall pass. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll try distraction or sleeping.

I get drunk and huggle all my pillows and pass out in them.

set up a few targets, then fill them with holes….done.

I thought the question pertained to situations where you can’t escape by sleeping, getting drunk, etc.—you have to go on. I was thinking of situations like this:

You’re at work and you learn your father’s illness is terminal.
You’re at work and your child calls saying he’s about to kill himself.
You have guests coming for dinner, and someone close to you has an alcoholic relapse and goes AWOL.
You’re called upon to decide whether to try to resuscitate a dying relative.
Your partner says he’s leaving, he’s through, and you’re about to go to work, where you have to give a presentation.

Those examples are real to me.

@wundayatta, can you clarify?

Something having to do with cigarettes or face washing.

Before my mom died, I thought that I would not be able to cope with her death. But I did. Before I had a cancer scare, I thought that I would never be able to cope with that. But I did.

It seems to me that I have just always done what needed to be done. There are some things that I can’t change no matter how drunk I would have become or how far I ran. They are still there.

So for me, it is just doing what needs to be done. At this point in my life I am confident that I can survive most anything or I have the choice not to survive it.

Muscle relaxers and a 15 hour nap.

@Cruiser shanti shanti shanti

@ninahenry <bows> Shanti!

@Jeruba This example you gave characterizes it the best: Your partner says he’s leaving, he’s through, and you’re about to go to work, where you have to give a presentation.

It could also be that the boss tells you your job is on the line if you don’t do well in the presentation.

Or you find out your spouse lost his or her job as you are about to do something very important in yours.

Really, anything that stimulates the fight or flight response in you as you need to be calm in order to do the next thing well.

Thanks, @wundayatta. Then I would give the answer I gave: focus. Escaping is out of the question.

My spouse lost his job on the afternoon of my first day on a new job.
My partner relapsed when I was in my first week of another (long-ago) job.
I got the suicide call, the terminal-father call, and the resuscitate-or-not call at work in responsible high-tech jobs.
In all cases I had to maintain. No baths, naps, pills, not even crying.
Sometimes the next thing you have to do, the thing you have to be calm for, is dealing with that very situation: get the person to the hospital, call the authorities, stop the bleeding, buy a ticket and get on a plane, whatever.

I think I could get through pretty much anything now.

If I am by myself, I can tend to make myself go crazy. I often feel the need for solitude, but I’m more likely to handle the situation poorly.

My boyfriend is a very stable person, as opposed to my more emotional self. Since he does not judge my responses, I feel safe breaking down in front of him. He comforts me very well. I have a couple of friends that are useful to talk to and my little brother just calms me down automatically. If it’s an issue of something practical, my mom is good at coming up with solutions.

In addition, making art is one of the best emotional releases I have, especially for very difficult things.