Do you know someone who you didn't respect at first, only to discover a very admirable quality about them?

Yes, you @le_inferno. but you already know this

We didn’t get off to a good start when you first joined, but I have noticed a side of you that I admire, and I’m glad I gave you a second chance. and also lucky you forgave me. :)

What a great question, @le_inferno. I have had a similar experience more than once.

In several cases my assessment of a person’s intelligence and/or level of maturity came first, and my later discovery was of the person’s good heart. I wouldn’t say I didn’t respect them, but I guess I didn’t hold them in very high esteem on first meeting because they just didn’t seem to have very much to them. But in time their warmth and genuineness of character emerged and became the most important thing.

In one other case, the person seemed to be very snobbish and arrogant at first, but she turned out to be whimsical, funny, sharp, and a loyal friend.

To me the main thing is to stay open to new information. I don’t think it’s so terrible to make a mistaken assessment at the outset as long as you can revise your impression when you learn more.

@jonsblond :D And to think, you weren’t alone…Almost exactly a year ago, I was warring with the mods and getting banned… and yet, here I am! Yay!

Yes, this actually happened with a few people I met online, however it never got to the point where I actually didn’t respect them. They just at first came off very cold and aloof and after a few interactions, I felt it was best to essentially stay away from them. Over time though, we managed to develop amazing friendships and I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting both of them in person. All three of us spent yesterday together and this summer I spent 2 weeks at one of their homes. =)
I’m glad I’m not the type to go off of first impressions and neither were they. You never know the shit someone has going on in their life to make them a certain way at that point in time. The coldness I was feeling from one of them was for a particular reason that I now know of and looking back on it, she was just really reserved and closed-off and it was my responsibility to be open enough to a friendship if the tides decided to change and I was and I’m incredibly fortunate and happy for that.

A friend of my college friend. When I first met her, her troubles with emotionally unavailable men who somehow took and took and took (and her talking about them all the time!) bothered me to no end. Then I took a good look at myself. Yeah, I was like that, too.

It turns out she’s a sweetheart of a person and will give you the shirt off her back if she sees you’re in need. And she’s very funny.

Not naming names but there are a couple of jellies I have grown to admire who I first thought they were pretty full of it.

I’ve done it quite a few times. I’ll probably do it again. Judging people on how smart they are just means you’re an intellectual snob. As you learned, they may be better people at heart.

I don’t think it means that at all, @evandad. I think it means that some qualities are more conspicuous than others. It’s much easier to see that a person is behaving foolishly or talking ignorantly than it is to see their forgiving nature, their trustworthiness, or their gentleness with small creatures. That’s why it may take a while to recognize a person’s best side.

There’s nothing wrong with having friends who can discuss Dostoevsky and quantum theory, and there’s nothing wrong with you for seeing their capabilities. You don’t need to wear a pejorative label if you do. But you do deprive yourself and others of rich opportunities if your values stop your vision at that threshold.

@Jeruba – I think we’re saying the same thing.

Since I reject the label “intellectual snob” for my experience and behavior, I don’t.

I have, many many times—made a rash negative judgment about someone only to discover how wrong I was about him or her, especially in the workplace. I’ve done the opposite too often, too—jumped too quickly into a work or personal relationship and then realized… uh-oh!