Do you blame your dislike or hatred of the faith on the pastor’s despicable actions and actions against you?
That’s kind of hard to answer.
My history with the church is long and convoluted. I was actually related to the pastor – he was my step-uncle.
I became involved with the church when my mother and stepfather got together. I was nine at the time. I never even considered there not being a god at that point. Though my mother wasn’t religious, my father grew up in a devoutly Catholic household. We were just the “heathens” that hadn’t been christened.
After putting my foot down about the abuse situation with my mother, and leaving the church, the plan was for my husband and I to simply attend another church. Turned out our “story” had beat us to every church in the area that followed our denomination.
So we were Christians without a home. That was when I decided to read the Bible objectively for the first time. Our denomination was made up of Bible literalists – God wrote it through man, and it was the Perfect Word of God. So surely, if I stepped back and read it, it would lead me right back to where the church wanted me to be. Right? Wrong.
In seeking the truth of the Gospel, I discovered:
– God treats people he likes worse than his enemies – Job vs. Cain, for example. God killed Job’s entire family because of a bet with Lucifer, and protected the world’s first murderer from any harm whatsoever!
– Jesus was a dick. He cursed a tree for not bearing fruit in the off-season, drowned a group of pigs after cursing them with demons he could just as easily have sent away without injury to anyone, and consistently told people who didn’t believe his message that they were going to burn in hell. He took back blessings if the receivers didn’t fall to their knees in reverence to him immediately afterward.
– David, the “man after God’s own heart”, was an adulterous murderer.
– and of course there’s the whole racism, orders for genocide, women are only worth what someone will pay for them, etc.
I decided that if that were all true, that wasn’t a god I was going to attach my name to.
And later, I went on a search of all the historical and scientific contradictions of the Bible. Pi = 3, the sky is a solid dome holding up an ocean, Jericho was destroyed by Joshua 700 years before it was founded, talking snakes, Jonah living three days inside a fish at the bottom of the ocean… and thought “I am an intelligent, rational being. Why did I ever buy into this shit?”
So… if nothing else, I am glad that the horrendous treatment by my family (through blood, marriage, and church) was so rotten that I forced myself to realise all this. I just cannot help also being disgusted at how much of my own only life I wasted in devotion to a god that does not exist.