Is it OK to not like or want children of your own?

Yes, it is completely OK.

Yes, it is totally OK to choose not to have children. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood.

The short answer is, it’s okay if you think it’s okay—not whether or not other people think it’s okay or not okay. I’m a lot older than you, chose early not to have kids, and have never regretted it.

Plenty of folks think there’s nothing wrong with it (including myself).

Yea my wife and I feel the same, don’t worry what family or friends would say. As long as you and your wife can live it than it’s ok.

One more comment, @jjonas ... it’s not necessarily a matter of whether you are or are not “cut out” to have kids. You might make GREAT parents and still not want them. Your lives, your choice.

It is 100% okay and I completely agree with your point of view.

The ones who call you/us “selfish” are idiotic in the extreme. “Being selfish” is an act you commit, it is not simply a state of being. You cannot simply “be selfish”. You have to be selfish towards someone or something. If there is no victim, no one whose life or livelihood or condition is diminished in any way due to your choice, you are not being selfish. On the contrary in this case, as your decision not to have children will HELP everyone else – there will be one less person for the earth to provide food for, one less person taking a job someone else needs, one less person in a classroom that is already overcrowded, etc.

Good for you, all around. Don’t ever feel guilty about your decision.

Yes, and do not let anyone lay any trips on you about being selfish.

I have one daughter age 22, and I loved being a mom but was not cut out for multiple kids.

I got the same trips layed on me only about how it was selfish to have only one child and how only children are selfish and spoiled.

Neither are true.

I was an only of an only as is my daughter, and if anything, many onlies are more giving and unselfish because they value their friendships very much.

Everyone and their mother has an OPINION, usually based on their own narrow mindedness and adherance to a belief system that does not hold true for everyone.

My daughter is questioning whether or not she may want children and I tell her that she has to do whats right for herself, first and foremost of all.

Not everyone is parenting material and better to know this about yourself than be railroaded into having kids that you may resent and damage because you are not all that into them.

For more information: http://www.childfreebychoice.com/

Much better to not want them and not have them than to have them and not want them.

@syz
“Mike Huckabee told reporter Max Blumenthal that if it weren’t for abortion, there would be no need for immigrants to come work in the United States”

I laughed out loud.

It would be much, much worse in my opinion if you bowed to the pressure and had children even though you do not want them. Kudos to your wife and you.

How can you be 36, married and still wonder if something this personal is okay or not? Obviously you’re not okay with your decision or you wouldn’t give a hoot.

It’s perfectly OK. Not everyone wants to have children, no big deal.

I never wanted children and I’m perfectly okay with my decision. I don’t dislike them, just never wanted them.

Everything that you ARE, is OK. You probably have your reasons, your background for this, always assume that if it is YOU, it’s ok. You have not invented the wheel on any subject. As long that you are not hurting anyone else, it’s ok.
what is NOT OK, is to tell someone else that their wishes and natural behavior is not ok…
To do something, something big like having children, when you don’t want to, just because someone else tells you you should, is also not ok.
Just be who you are, and evrything will be ok :)

It’s okay not to want to have children but make sure to sit down and talk to your wife about whether or not this is ultimately what the both of you want or if you just don’t want to be pressured into having kids. Some people prefer not to be tied down because they prefer traveling or pursuing their career.

Some people regret not having kids later in life because they are lonely or because they agreed to not having kids because their spouse didn’t want any and they didn’t want tension in their relationship. I would make sure with your wife that what you want is mutual and that there will be no regrets in the future.

I’m not sure the desire to have kids is based on their “cuteness”. It should be based on wanting to love someone else, someone that was the product of you and your wife’s love for one another.

For me, I see people I know getting married and having babies and it makes me wonder if I’d ever want kids of my own. My biggest fear of having children is that I’m not sure I’d make a good parent. It’s a life-long commitment.

Yes, it’s OK. It is a private personal decision.

If you don’t want kids then it’s perfectly understandable to not want to have them. It would be wrong to have kids when you don’t want them. Child raising is not for everbody. Some people are just not destined to have children. If you were destined you and your wife would have the desire. Just live your life your way and be happy.

Whatever floats your boat…

But I have been told when there your own kids its different love and they dont bother you as much..

Apparently, many parents wish they never had children in the first place and wouldn’t do it if they had a do over. I say if you don’t want them, for heaven’s sake don’t have them.

Personally, I love children, and I wish I could have had several more, but that’s just me.

But by not having children, you will have to decide who is going to choose your nursing home in your old age.~

@chyna you’re not seriously advocating that as a reason to bring a life into the world, are you?

@MrItty I think Chyna’s response was supposed to be tongue in cheek…

My husband’s best friend and his wife are about your age, and also have no plans to have children. Like you, they seem to enjoy them in small doses. If you’re happy, what’s the big deal? I don’t understand why people would say it’s selfish to not have children. We have three, and let me tell you, there are days when I can completely relate to the wishes of childless couples. ;)

But who knows, you may someday change your mind. I have a very good friend who, along with her husband, had no desire to have a child. After they’d been married for several years, they changed their minds. She said they just got to a point where both of them started to wish they had a family of their own. Ironically, they then had a very difficult time getting pregnant, tried various treatments, and were on the point of giving up when they finally conceived. It took several years and thousands of dollars. Whatever is right for you at any point in your lives and your relationship is fine, and not subject to the thoughts or judgments of others.

I feel this is not only okay, but great that you know you do not want to have children. Being a parent is a very demanding and full time job, and if you do not heartily want to be engaged in that activity, it is good that you know it. Don’t bend to others who will tell you what is right or not. Do what you know is right for you and your wife.

@WillWorkForChocolate I sincerely hope so. With any luck, my sarcasm meter is on the whack.

@MrItty Note the sarcasm tilde at the end of my remark. It’s a joke in my family as I don’t have kids as to who will be choosing my nursing home when I get old.

@chyna I’ve never known a tilde to signify sarcasm. That’s a new one on me. Regardless, I retract my comment.

No, I don’t feel that way and it IMO has nothing to do with being selfish but a series of choices in and sometimes out of your control. And as much as I will sometimes envy childless adults, these past 14 years of my life have been by far the most fulfilling albeit at times challenging years. It would be selfish of me to say you would be missing out on some amazing times but I also know in other ways, so am I!

I totally agree with @janbb. You guys would also be setting a bad example to your kids if their existance was due to peer pressure. Good on you for enjoying your own lives and being good people in your own way.

It’s okay to not want kids. It’s not okay to not like kids in general. Kids are our future. Who will care of you in case you have to spend the last years of your life in a nursing home? And we all were kids once. And the adults at the time had to deal with our annoying behavior.

@mattbrowne It’s perfectly fine to not like kids in general. Kids are not our future. In the future, they will be adults. Kids become adults. The government and business will never be run by kids. They are and will be run by people who used to be kids, not who are kids.

I think the bigger problem is falling prey to the ‘shoulds.’

An often rote formula that dictates, ” I should get married’, ‘I should have kids’, ‘I should, this or that.’

The world s full of people that wake up one day and realize they have lived their lives, married, had kids, followed a certain career path to please others, follow ‘tradition’, please parents…etc.

A terrible way to live, at the whims of others and society.

Don’t should on yourself.

@MrItty – I’ve heard that robots will care for the elderly in Japan. But who builds the robots in the future? Adults who are kids now have a right to be somewhat annoying. We should still like them, in my opinion. If kids don’t feel liked by society there’s more risk they don’t turn into mature adults and cause all sorts of trouble. Our attitude does matter.

@mattbrowne we’re going to agree to disagree on this one. Sorry.

And kids are under no obligation to care for elderly parents.

To have this idea of ‘payback’ in the back of a parents mind is really not cool.

You have children because you want to share love, not because you want to breed a caretaker for yourself.

If my daughter is around when I am old, and WANTS to help me, great…but I have zero expectations.

We have a great relationship but I would never, ever, assume or guilt her into feeling she has to be there for me.

@MrItty – Fair enough.

Yes. I don’t .

Your thinking is common. Many people such as yourselves do not want kids for numbers of reasons but you can never understand the “rush” if you havent expericenced having a kid. Having a child is a game changer. People probably call you slefish because when you have a kid it’s not about you anymore. It sounds as if your really in love with your girl and feel that you do not want or need kids, but your opinion could change. My opinion is do not worry about it, freeze eggs and donate little jonas then freeze them, that way you can still have kids later down the road, if you change your mind or adopt. It is normal to have kids at a late age.