Why do anxiety self-help books say you won't Embarrass Yourself when you know differently?

Usually everyone else is much less focused on the anxious person than they imagine. Probably you are not going to embarrass yourself.

The way I understand it is that it doesn’t really matter what you do, whether other people see you, or even what they think if they see you doing something. It’s only how you perceive the situation that causes embarrassment. For example, two people could do the exact same thing, and get the same reaction from people who are watching, and it’s possible that one feels embarrassed and the other one doesn’t. Understanding that in most situations, like what @marinelife said, “everyone else” is less focused on a particular person, and adding how little most people probably care about general strangers, there is no need to feel embarrassed.

I would slightly reword the phrase to say “you have the choice to not be embarrassed”.

The difficulty lies in the practice of letting go of the fear, anxiety, worry, and perceived expectations of others (and yourself) that you identify as part of who you are which cause the feeling of embarrassment; so that you can choose to not be embarrassed. Like many personal growth efforts, it’s simple, but not easy.

It is not about me. I meant that authors and counselors, etc. , say that or imply that a person having a panic attack will not embarrass himself and I find that impossible to believe. Sorry for my spelling.
I could give dozens of examples of someone who WOULD be embarrassed and rightly so! A woman meet her inlaws for the first time. She is sitting in their living room with her new husband having a cocktail. It is a semi-formal occasion and she wants to make a good impression . Suddenly, she becomes breathless, her face turns red, she can’t talk and spills her drink. Do they think this cannot happen? Or that it’s no big deal?

I recommend How To Make Yourself Happy and Remarkably Less Disturbable by Albert Ellis to anyone who is not handling their anxiety or depression well. I was refereed to it by a psychologist. It spells things out that most people already know but need to hear from an authoritative source. If you’re looking for a book to give you guidance, this is a good one. I follow a customized version of the methods spelled out in the book when I start to be overwhelmed and things fall into place. It’s not religious or spiritual or really even emotional. It’s just reasonable. The philosophy isn’t completely perfect, but it’s perfect for the people the book is written for.

A matter of gaining perspective.

Well, there’s an old saying that goes something like this :

You wouldn’t be so worried about what people think about you if you realized how seldom they really do.

There’s a lot of truth to that.

There’s a lot of narcissism involved in those who are self consciously embarrassed.

It isn’t called SELF consciousness for nothing :)

Done what exactly, embarass themself. Have you ever seen a person having a panic attack or someone just totally spazz out in a public place, it’s a riot. Someone thinking they are about to die because some chemicals in there brain say so, that’s good for a few chuckles. Any kind of odd human behavior that includes streaking and other forms of spastic nudity. Yeah right, I get panic attacks they suck, I make a total ass out of myself, with this scared look on my face, looking around parked cars for an ambush, no fun.

@truecomedian People laugh at the things that make me cry and cry at the things that make me laugh. I feel like I live in an insane world. If the real world is what people make it seem to be, I’d rather not exist. People should not be able to laugh at another’s weakness, anymore than they should be able to laugh at someone’s suffering.

@zophu
I saw some dude just scream and choke the life out of a burrito at Del Taco once, it was some funny shit.

I give up. I must have Imagined that people could embarrass themselves while having a panic attack. Sorry, everyone.

@Aster I have known people to be embarrassed about such minor things that no one would notice or care about, so it’s definitely possible that someone who has a panic attack may be embarrassed, especially in the circumstances you mentioned. As I eluded to in my earlier response, I think it depends on the person.

Maybe the authors were trying to say that having a panic attack isn’t something to be embarrassed about. Remember, authors are people too, and have their own unique perspective on things. When it’s unclear what they are trying to say, or if it sounds blatantly false without any explanation, perhaps they could have chosen a better way to say/write it.

I apologize if I misunderstood your question.

I also believe that people have humiliated themselves having one. My ex told me he had such a severe one he had to pull off the road. What if his boss had been with him? Pulling off the road is nothing, in my opinion, amongst the things that people would do. I don’t think, however, that anyone would embarrass themselves when having anxiety. But most people say they think they’re having a heart attack when it’s bad enough. So I guess they’d be grabbing their chest, panting and sweating which in some cases might be slightly surprising; like during a job interview or when preaching a sermon?

I don’t get it. But then I have never read one although I have high anxiety.