How do you feel about today's fidelity?

I’m faithful. I’ve been faithful to every person I’ve ever been with. Not one of them have been faithful to me, though. So I can see where you’re going with this. Almost everyone I know cheats habitually, or has been cheated on multiple times.
I’m not sure that it’s new, I think people are just more open to the option of splitting up nowadays. Divorce is more common and socially acceptable than before. Deliberately remaining single for as long as you like is also more socially acceptable now.

I think it has probably always been this way, I think it was just much more hush hush in the past.

Hi fidelity hi, hi fi-del-ity.
Fame, I wanna live forev…....ahem, oh dear. I’m sorry. Can’t help myself you see. Must be the frustrated performer in me. Do carry on. XD

It must be the company you keep. All the couples I know are faithful.

@tinyfaery …to your knowledge, but thanks for taking my question out of a generality and pointing it at “the company I keep”, since the company I do in fact keep appear to be faithful.

You are right, people don’t seem to care so much any more. The younger generation (and before anyone has a go, I am part of that generation) don’t seem to have the same sort of values. It’s a big free for all.. you do what you want, when you want, with who you want. Consequences be damned. Can’t make for healthy relationships. On the other hand, I am faithful to my fella, and my married (young) friends are also totally faithful to one another (as far as I know, of course) so there is still hope I suppose

I ask myself, and my close friends similar questions, on a pretty regular basis.
Sometimes, I can’t even fathom how human beings can treat eachother the way that they do.
I feel as though its cycle : faithful person gets hurt, than takes one of two paths, avoid relationships, or “scum” the other person before they get “scummed.”
Certainly this is not always the case – but it does seem to happen frequently.
It’s pretty disheartening.

I don’t know where all of the passion has gone,
somewhere along the line numbers of individuals you could
“hook up” with outweighed having one individual you’re genuinely
passionate about, and are faithful to.

I’m not sure about you,
but I’d much rather someone be honest with me
if they are not in to me.
I would much rather be single than be in a relationship
built on false truths .

whether its something to prove/fear of commitment/ human nature??
I don’t know.

I look at my parents, who actually do exemplify a couple of people
who really truely love and respect one another,
and i wonder if that exists anymore.

Its really not about the company you keep, if you take a moment to look around,
and converse with people in todays society- it doesnt take long to conclude that this is fact and a growing trend unfortunately.

Having been cheated on by me previous SO, I can relate to your question. I decided that I needed to re evaluate my own selection process and base it on other things than instant attraction.
I know how this is going to sound, especially to younger people, but really; mutual respect and interests are a very good foundation for a long lasting relationship. If you can wait for six months before “consummating” a relationship sexually, you have a better chance of knowing if the relationship is going to last. If the only thing you’re basing it on is sexual excitement, that chemistry goes away in six months, and if you have nothing else, you have no relationship. So if you start with the other things and build on them, you have a better chance of a lasting committmet, which entails respect for each other. I believe that lack of respect is a big reason that many people cheat. They really don’t treat the relationship seriously because they haven’t worked at it.
I could be wrong.

I am baffled by people that can be satisfied with only one long-term partner for a long period of time. Have you guys ever explored a little bit? Have you ever been consumed by passion for two people at the same time before? It happens, and it’s not anything new. Over the course of one week I’m sure you could find another person you could be compatible with and still have the same feelings for your current S/O. I don’t completely agree with wild infidelity, but I do understand it wholeheartedly.

@Blackberry Your interest in more than on partner is no excuse for infidelity. One need simply end a relationship before pursuing another. Simple.

@Trillian I couldn’t even tell a child that santa clause doesn’t exist, it is very hard for people to simply drop someone in two seconds without thinking about it lol. But yes…you are correct.

The internet gives people easier access to emotional cheat on their partner. I don’t think that the number of people cheating has significantly increased though. The people that are cheating would probably find other ways to cheat even if they didn’t have access to the internet. I think in some ways, it’s become glamorized by some media outlets as acceptable or common behavior but I don’t believe it is a true representation of our society.

@Blackberry What do you mean… Santa Clause doesn’t exist? (Bottom lip begins to quiver. Looks everywere at once in a panic, jumps up and starts pacing) WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?? (Tries to calm down, takes some cleansing breaths…in with the good air, out with the bad…)

@Trillian I feel like ass now D:

@Axemusica I feel the same way. Everything about sex is too much out in the open today. We are seeing the brilliant results of this. You are not the only person who feels this way.

I only know of one person who was cheated on in my entire extended family, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, brother, sister, sons – only one. Now maybe someone is keeping a secret, but I don’t think so.

Faithfullness and fidelity, to me, are on higher plane than sex or what we do with bodies – which is why I have no issue with being faithful to my husband and still be with others – I am completely committed to our lives together and anyone that knows us would tell you the same and would tell you that we’re the happiest, most in love family they know – as for others unable to stay faithful when they said they would…they’re not in love, that’s simple. I also take an issue with you using ‘today’s fidelity’ as something different from that of yesterday – back in the day, it was simply expected that men wouldn’t be faithful and had to have mistresses left and right.

Why do you qualify this as something new?

It really is gross. My ex has been texting me about “spending the night”. It really is disrespectful treat people like sexual objects. Especially when you aren’t even in a relationship with them.

Fidelity does not change.

The faithful remain faithful and the unfaithful keep doing their thing. lol

I have always adhered to the highest level of fidelity in my relationships.

Mentally, emotionally & physically.

Not because I do not wish to hurt another, of course I do not, BUT…because true integrity knows that the most harm in lack of purity is to oneself.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir and @evandad, I said, “today” because it just seems more and more evident or at least I’ve been gradually noticing it more and more. Maybe I’ve just been in the dark this whole time, lol.

Somehow I just don’t picture the peachy keen 50’s as having everyone screwing everyone like it was a giant orgy. As of today, (a couple of weeks ago to be specific) I can walk into a bar and be hit on by 5 different women and 3 of them already being in committed relationships. 1 of which that told me, the other 2 I found out from her friends. The other two, I failed to question. Granted a bar isn’t the best place of an example, but it’s just what was on my mind.

I’m sure if there were statistics at hand, today’s infidelity would be much more prevalent than in the past. Also, I think @Luffle is on to a very valid point too. Media has glamorized sex in general and infidelity and a lot of the younger generation has paid very close attention to the memorizing boob tube and probably didn’t stop to think, “Maybe this just makes for good drama”.

All in all, I’ve noticed it more. I was also a small child 20 years ago, so…. Maybe it has been there all a long. It’s just discouraging to me to actually want to meet women.

@Axemusica

Maybe try something different…you know the old def. of insanity, doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results?

If you want to meet a good woman it probably won’t be in a bar.

Start stalking the grocery stores….lol

@Coloma this isn’t about finding a place to meet women. I was merely using my experience as an example. If I was looking for places to find a “good” woman, I would’ve asked that. Like I have before… I was at the bar having a good time, not looking for The Perfect Mate.
>_>
Can’t I ask a question without people thinking I’m looking for advice?

Wow. Sorry if I gave that vibe. I guess I really can’t answer a question like this without going into all the reasons “why” people are less than selective about with whom they have sex. I still think that the amount of infidelity is directly linked to the easy accessability of having sex so casually to begin with.
It is the same principle of a spoiled child. When a child is given everything it wants and learns that all it ever has to do is hold out its hand or set up a holler, it never appreciates what it is given and continually looks for the “next” thing to gratify itself. It could have the ultimate perfect toy already, but it has never been taught to wait or, god forbid, earn something.
It is the same with “relationships”. People meet, are attracted to each other and jump into bed. No waiting period, no exploration of other issues that comprise a relationship. That information comes about more slowly. One finds out that the other has a differing view about religion, or politics, or whatever…. gradually the new wears off and one feels one’s needs are not being met. Resentment builds, one or the other closes off or…well you know the rest.
I maintain that it is more prevalent because of ease of accessability. And if you’re not happy with whom you are with, well it’s much easier to go out and smile at a stranger and let that person make you feel better, for a while.

@Axemusica

No offense intended.

But…you are complaining about finding a lousy menu if decent chicks in the bar , sooo, just figured you might be open to a different dash and dine scene.

If you hang out in bars as your main source of fun,your observations are pretty stock for the menu.

Can’t complain there is no lobster on the menu at a cheap diner.

I’m reminded of Aldous Huxley’s novel “Brave New World” where they are all conceived in test tubes, dehumanised with education that convinces each that their particular level of intelligence is the best and everyone else is at a disadvantage. How so?

Nowadays, and probably since the 1950’s onward, even likely going back to just after WW1, morality has taken a dive to the sewer where the “anything goes” mentality reigns supreme. There was certainly an escalation of this in the 1960’s and 1970’s, and it simply keeps going down.

Now we have the ethic of, “If the marriage doesn’t work, we’ll get a divorce,” and this translates to “unmarried” people who co-habit and otherwise have sex. It’s seen as a right of all without responsibility, and damn you if you criticise them for it.

But it doesn’t work this way as marriage is something that requires two people to be constantly working at it. There is no way a marriage can exist with “three in the bed.”

I know the discussion is on relationships, but this aspect of sex is reserved for marriage, no matter what the “experts” say otherwise. That is why there are all these problems. Lust is taken for love.

I expect to be shot down for this.

@YARNLADY There are some families whose individual members have respect for their procreative powers.

I will not shoot you down @Andreas. This is EXACTLY the type of answers I was looking for!

A+

I thought that was what I said. I agree with you @Andreas.

@Axemusica @Trillian Wow! And thanks! This is surprising NOT to be shot down immediately. But I’m sure it will come.

@Andreas I agree with everything you said even though I gave the short answer. Nothing more to say, you said it for me. GA

@Jabe73 Thanks.

It’s absolutely disgusting. Gloria Steinam is to blame for this. Everybody be sure to tell every single female child to NEVER have sex until she is married.

@SVTSuzie Are you being sarcastic?

I missed this question somehow.

I agree with you. Sex is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. People are losing their virginity earlier, getting pregnant and the concept of open relationships/marriages seem to be of the norm. If that works for people then by all means let them do it. Whatever makes you happy. That isn’t how I want my future relationship(s) to be defined. I was married and he cheated on me. I do know people in faithful relationships. When we’re surrounded by sex it becomes easier to do whatever you want.

I’m looking for a monogamous relationship, hint hint. =)

@SVTSuzie “Everybody be sure to tell every single female child…”

It takes two to tango. You can drop the “female” bit as that makes the whole statement sexist.

But you were on the right track. :-)