How would you feel if the opposite sex started treating you differently after you drastically changed your appearance?

I think it depends, a little bit. Was he interested in the girl beyond sleeping with her? If not, he was no more or less superficial than she was for only sleeping with him after he had lost the weight.

That said, generally people can’t help who they’re attracted to. To me, there’s a difference between saying “I’ll never sleep with someone who is overweight” vs. simply generally not being attracted to someone who is overweight.

Personally, I feel that all sex is superficial unless feelings are involved. Because it’s only sex – two people wanting to sleep with someone they’re attracted to, to get off.

Fat guy here, been losing weight slowly for a while but I have a pretty abrasive personality. That’s to say I’m a fat dick, no luck with girls. Being out of the game makes everyone feel like everyone is superficial, but in the end I think instinct wins out. Also, it probably made him more confident than most guys.

I accept people to accept me the way I am,and I will the same thing. If they don’t,why should I? They way I live,look,talk,dress,etc all according to my personal satisfication,I don’t need justification from other people when I’m really sure about what I’m doing. You don’t need to correct others according to your personal ‘taste’,you just need to find others that have a lot in common with you,or at least the same ‘taste’.

If I were your guy friend then how I feel about the girl would depend on she’d been in a circle of friends to know who I was before and have opportunity to talk to me choose to give me the cold shoulder. If she’s some girl I always really liked but she didn’t know who I was then I wouldn’t hold it against her.

At any moment, I can change how people treat me by wearing makeup and clothes that emphasize my figure as opposed to wearing sweats, my hair in a ponytail and no makeup. That’s just the way it is for the vast majority. I can’t be upset anymore that this is how people behave.

This dynamic is seen blatantly advertised in commercials. The worst one, in my opinion, is the grey remover for men. The guy tris to pick up a girl, and she isn’t interested. Then he gets the grey out and she’s all over him. So how shallow is this girl that all she really cares about is how he looks? And how stupid is he that he accepts a woman who cares nothing for him as a person, just knows that now he doesn’t have grey hair?

well I personally would find a a new fish. One who knows of me how I look today. One who accepts the whole package. That way I would have no doubt. If it was me and the all me no comparison of who I was. If I was in his position If I went from big girl to small. Unless I was married, and serious with someone. He went from ugly to hot you can’t blame her… That is what make overs are for.

A guy in the office next to mine went through a similar Pygmalion change about 15 years ago. He soon started dating a co-worker.

Whether he liked her prior to his change and/or she became interested after his transformation, I couldn’t answer. What I did notice is that his confidence increased. I was typically the one who popped my head into his his office to say ‘hello’, and he was now the one to offer the first greeting. He was also more social at after-work functions, although still a quiet and reserved person. So maybe the physical change also brought about a new-found confidence.

The point is, unless you know how the girl felt about him before his weight-loss and how he acted around her pre- and post-weight loss, who’s to say what caused the attraction.

P.S. He and the co-worker have now been married for ~12 years and have two daughters.

@Pied_Pfeffer: I can clear up some of that. He definitely began blatantly hitting on the girl post-transformation, although he flirted much more subtly before.

She always felt warmly and somewhat affectionately toward him and valued his friendship but was simply not attracted to him until after the big weight loss. After that, she became very attracted, and the combination of that, their long friendship, and their ensuing physical relationship meant she developed very strong feelings for him that she had not had previously.

@mostlyclueless You may be right. I don’t think they knew each other before his appearance changed though, or at least well. They worked in different departments, and both were road warriors with little opportunity for their paths to cross.

It wouldn’t surprise me one bit. Don’t forget—weight is relevant to your self-image and confidence. If you’re overweight and you feel bad about yourself, you’re just not going to come across very well. When you lose weight and gain confidence, whether or not that gain in confidence is justified, other people will be more attracted to you.

A lot of people acct as if the person’s body has nothing to do with who the person is. I think this is an example of idealism gone awry. Beauty may be only skin deep, but appearances display personality.

Unfortunately, a lot of people only look at the beauty, and not any of the rest of it. It is equally a mistake to look at the rest of it, but not the physical package. The two are part of a whole person. Our notions of duality—head vs heart, beauty vs personality, and on and on—really are disservices to ourselves.

It is perfectly understandable. Weight is is a strong indicator of lifestyle. Now that he’s fit he can do much more than before. He is no longer sedentary. He can run and jump and move. He can take walks in the park, ride the tandem bicycle, go swimming at the beach. He added years to his life. He reduced his health care costs. His confidence is up and he might even get promotions at work sooner. He can party a little later and possibly make love a little longer. Shallow? No way. It’s making an educated guess at what the future will bring.
All things being equal which body style would you pick for a mate, “very overweight or cut and athletic”? He chose the cut look for himself. Why criticize the woman for doing the same?

As long as the dude’s weight loss makes him feel better for himself, then I think it’s okay. The girl was being superficial a bit, but looks are a natural part of being attracted to a person.

I can well imagine anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, thereby altering their physical appearance dramatically, would feel differently about themselves to some degree and most likely behave differently as a result… in many ways they would be a changed person and therefore others would relate to them quite differently…

I wouldn’t think it was shallow. I wasn’t attractive to him before, and now I am. It happens. We’re all human.

I actually went through is upon entering college. I actually gained a bunch of weight instead of losing it though. In high school, I was stick thin and it wasn’t sexy. I looked like a 12-year-old boy. Upon entering college, I gained about 20 pounds and, as a result, I looked like a woman I got boobs and hips. I got a lot of attention from guys that previously I had not. It felt odd and I wasn’t sure how to deal with the attention so I got myself into some trouble. I learned how to deal with the new found beauty and can now handle myself quite well.

I think your friend may learn from this experience as I learned from mine and, hopefully, come out better for it.

I would think that if he put so much effort into improving his appearance, he would have been pretty disappointed if it hadn’t made him more attractive to women. It doesn’t mean you’re shallow if you find him more appealing now.

Outward appearances are just cosmetic. its whats inside that counts.

I know this from personal experience. I used to be fat most of my life. Finally when I graduated high school I moved back to california to go to school here. One day I just decided I was tired of being fat and began working out and eating right and eventually lost alot of weight. When I went back to the town I went to school at all the girls where now all over me. Especially this one girl that I had a crush on since high school. I didnt think she was shallow at all because we had always been good friends and it wasnt like she just started talking to me because of they way I looked now like some of the other girls. So it kind of depends on the situation. If it would of been a girl that would have never given me the light of day before and now wants a shot at me I might have thought differently. Because in the end although you look different on the outside your still the same person you were before on the inside.