[NSFW] What does Mutual "Pleasuring" feel like and who has done it before?

“Was it with family,”....what the…....

Yes I have done it, and it’s pretty lame compared to, you know…...oral sex and sex. Masturbation is what you do when you can’t have sex.

@Blackberry This is a pretty common misconception. Plenty of people engage in mutual masturbation and find it very pleasurable—especially if they are willing to be adventurous about technique and communicative with their partner.

Hands are extremely versatile and exploring another person’s body with your hands can be pleasurable, exciting, and educational for both partners—as can be watching someone pleasure themselves. I even know some people who like it more than oral or PIV sex. (Not to mention people who aren’t interested in PIV sex at all.)

One should approach mutual masturbation not as something that necessarily is leading to other activities—you’re likely to miss out on all the wonderful sensations in the moment if you think of it that way—but as an activity of its own, worthy of your full care and attention.

(Almost every sexual interaction I’ve had—with friends and girlfriends, all female to date—has passed through mutual masturbation at some point, and I usually enjoy it quite a lot. Sometimes PIV sex has followed, sometimes not. Occasionally it has even followed PIV sex.)

Mutual masturbation is fun if it’s part of foreplay before intercourse otherwise it feels lame like @Blackberry says. To me, the reason I’ve got a partner is not have to masturbate. I’ve never had a partner want to do that if we could have intercourse in addition or instead. If I did have a partner who wanted to do that instead of having sex would really disappoint me and make me feel uncomfortable and let down, maybe even sexually rejected.

@Neizvestnaya Why? Many people don’t take sex lightly. If someone doesn’t feel ready to have sex, would you seriously react that way even though he’s still trying other methods to pleasure you?

Anyway, to answer your question: I enjoy it immensely. My boyfriend is very good at it. It wasn’t awkward when my boyfriend did it to me, but it took me a while to feel comfortable doing it to him. He never asked me to, or implied he wanted me to, and I felt like handjobs were pretty lame/awkward. Eventually, we kinda talked about it, and I tried it. He likes it a lot, but it’s still kinda annoying cause he’s uncircumcised and well, things can get pretty uncomfortable for him down there if I move my hand just a smidge down too far and… yeah, it’s annoying. Apparently, like “when you’re wearing tube socks and they get rolled down the wrong way.” It has not led to sex but that is by my choice, not because we didn’t want to. I’m 19, he’s 20.

Sorry for the perhaps overly graphic details, jellies. Just doing my answer-duty.

I would want to be the one pleasuring my partner even if it meant no PIV (not sure of meaning?). I could still satisfy. No need to take it into their own hands. I could see how if not expecting PIV ? It could be a good release for those not ready for the physical contact of sex. It’s still sex, though.

@KhiaKarma PIV = penis in vagina. I should’ve clarified that term. It’s useful if one’s definition of “sex” is more expansive—as ours is.

@le_inferno- Good point! I hadn’t considered a non sexually active relationship in too many years (I’m old). Now that I remember then yes, it was a lot of fun to “make out”.

@Vincent_Lloyd don’t you have an older brother or uncle that you can talk to about this? or sneak a peek at a dirty mag Although, I think the responses here may be helpful too….

I keep forgetting that you’re 13

@KhiaKarma No I don’t…my uncle is too religious on this so he won’t really help…I don’t have any brothers, no father, I honestly don’t have anyone to talk to about this type of stuff…. and yeah they are sorta helping. And haha yeah I’m only 13 (REMEMBER IT!!!) haha j.k but seriously I don’t have many people to talk to…

Rereading the question, I’m not entirely clear on whether the activity being discussed is pleasuring oneself in the presence of another or pleasuring your partner with your hands. Either, however, can be a primary activity.

Consider that lesbians have no form of toy-free penetrative intercourse except fingers. Consider also that many women can’t get off without clitoral stimulation—which you don’t usually get through PIV without a little manual stimulation. Some of them enjoy oral, but some of them don’t—I’ve been with partners and talked to friends on either side of that fence. (Some people, even, don’t like sex with other people.) For a lot of these people, touching themselves or their partner is a primary form of sex, not some secondary activity they engage in on the way to “real” sex or when they can’t have sex. And if it’s a primary activity for them, it certainly can be for you as well. It sounds like most people responding right now don’t enjoy handplay as much as penetrative intercourse (though I also suspect that the perception of sex in society discourages people from exploring it too much)—obviously everyone enjoys different things—but for @Blackberry to make blanket statements such as “Masturbation is what you do when you can’t have sex,” is invalidating to everyone for whom that’s not true. Which is a not-insignificant percentage of the population.

If you’re only 13, this might all be a little heavy and intellectualizing for you, but I hope it all makes sense.

The first time I touched a partner sexually (I was probably 14 or 15?) was very awkward. We didn’t really talk about sex, so there was no sense of what was or wasn’t allowed. Retrospectively I can see that I was pushier at first than she wanted me to be. However we did end up falling after not too long into a sexual routine (consisting only of kissing and touching) that seemed to be comfortable for both of us and pleasurable as well.

@lapilofu : Yeah it does. I surprisingly enough get what you’re trying to say. But…Is mutual masturbation common around Any where? I mean I know most people are always afraid that if they masturbate with their friend or what ever that, that means they are “gay” I don’t think that’s true since you’re just exploring with a friend? I suppose is how I should put it. But as long as you’re not sexually attracted to the same sex (you’re friend in my point of view) means you’re not “gay” right?

@Vincent_Lloyd You have a surprisingly mature view of sex for your age. I can’t really comment on how common mutual masturbation is—getting reliable statistics on sex is hard to do and my anecdotal evidence is not particularly diverse.

I don’t think it means you’re “gay” per se if you masturbate with a friend, but I have a very flexible take on sexual identity that doesn’t always fit cleanly into labels. What I will say with 100% certainty is that masturbating with someone definitely doesn’t mean necessarily that you want to have sex with them.

@lapilofu : thanks for the compliment…I think? But I know that it may not be common around the area where I live (even though I live around or see/hear from really big pervs out here) But I’m assuming that they are lying because they think that if you were to do that, you’re automatically gay or bi or whatever right off the bat. Just that I want to…uhm..feel what it’s like? I mean I know when I was about 7 or maybe lower lol I use to sorta masturbate with my neighbor….I mean we use to touch each others gentiles and rub each other. I knew I wasn’t gay but…damn it uses to feel Really good! Me and my friend don’t do it anymore. But I know that counts on my list, but since we were young we were curious about things. I usually get the feeling that children are now becoming more sexually active at a surprisingly young age. Any thought on that?

@Neizvestnaya Yeah, I couldn’t decide if you just assumed sex was a given in said relationship.

@Vincent_Lloyd I’m still working out how I feel about sexual activity in youth. I personally wasn’t a particularly sexual child—I don’t think I started even masturbating until I was 12 or so… I think there are issues of sexuality that are hard for children to grasp which makes them prone to abuse—so they do need to be protected from that. However I think a great deal of the concern about sexual activity in adolescents is puritanical in nature. Certainly by 16 most people are able to make their own sexual decisions given adequate education—and possibly much earlier. I can’t turn back time and test different theories, but I don’t think I’d’ve turned out any worse if I was having sex at 12.

Another interesting thing is that we’re mostly born sexual beings. A lot of children touch themselves at an early age (toddlers, even) and have it disciplined out of them. I think that’s a shame. Obviously they need to be taught how to fit into society (for instance making a habit of masturbating in public will get you in trouble with the law) but I think many of us are taught that sex, sexuality, and masturbation are bad. For most of my adolescence I felt guilty every time I masturbated. Retrospectively I have no idea why.

@lapilofu Hmmm, I see. I suppose if my S/O and I were to learn some actual techniques, it would be fun and feel good, I imagine it could feel good for me with a lot of lube, but masturbation is different for men, we don’t have cool toys to use on us, we just like the feeling of wetness and pressure.

im still caught up on that whole family line….

Yeah, perhaps, they’re from Kentucky.

Anyhoo, yes, I’ve done it and it’s quite erotic and fun. Yes, it lead to sex afterward.

@uberbatman Lol…..he could’ve said ‘co workers’ even…...

@lapilofu Yes I shouldn’t have used the blanket statement. We all know the best part about sex is all the stuff in between (is that a pun lol?). I like exploring new things.

well I was sorta meaning ANYONE including Co workers or what ever you guys can think of…Animals lol? Any of you guys had a incest mutual masturbation moment? Maybe with…Uhm….Cousin or sister or whatever?

yeaaaa…im gonna go ahead and excuse myself from this one….. :P

Lmfao…....No Vincent_Lloyd, we have not…...

i don’t understand the question.

Me and my girlfriend do it and it is a real turn on to watch each other.