How does an individual respect someone when disrespected? This is a relationship issue...

I have made mistakes in my past and I can;t seem to move forward with my past being put in my face..It seems like I am always trying to solve everybody’s problems and make them all happy. I have bipolar and with medication I still have my ups and downs but , my spouse seems to have a negative attitude. We have been together 17 yrs and sometimes I think we are together just because..I love him but I feel like he is trying to mold me into someone I am not.. Since I was injured and now not able to work it seems he is more inferiority and it is hard for me.My heart says one thing and my mind says another..What to do?

You have to respect yourself before anyone else respects you! Seek some counseling. Ask yourself, what ever you are feeling or thinking, does it help your goal of having a loving relationship. Are your negative feelings working for you? I too had this problem a long time ago. I had to do a lot of work on myself, and all the time, I thought I was right…....Well, I redefined what I wanted, and my problems were solved. A cute saying by Pogo: We have found the enemy, and the enemy is us.

When I was way down with bipolar disorder, relations between me and my wife were very, very strained. I won’t go into all the prurient details. What I will say is that counselling helped us quite a bit. It enabled us to talk to each other more honestly—to bring up the things we were worrying about or hurting from and to discuss them and maybe negotiate a solutions we both like.

It’s not easy. For me, I was scared to talk about things because I thought the moment I mentioned something that was bothering me, she’d be out the door. I guess I didn’t really believe she loved me. Anyway, we have found out that it is ok to ask for things and it is ok to say no to things we are asked. These things, which seem simple, I suppose, to most people, were very difficult for us.

It’s still hard after three years of therapy. But it’s definitely better. It helps that I now believe she loves me and she won’t be out the door in two seconds if I have a problem with her. It helps her to know that I feel bad about hurting her the way I did when I was sick. It is hard for her to separate the me then from the me now. I hurt her then, but I don’t now. Yes, she knows I was sick, but it still doesn’t make sense that it would change me so much and she worries that it might happen again.

That’s a lot of stuff to deal with. Very difficult. Couples counseling can help.

You didn’t give any relationship info, so can’t really try to respond in that context. Generally though, respect goes both ways or doesn’t go at all.

I don’t respect those who disrepect me and I don’t stay in marriages where I don’t feel completely loved and supported.