Is having a “come with guy” rude?

The one who is being rude is your friend. If he wants you to come and he wants you to eat, then it is his obligation to pay for what you eat.

As to tips—people often sit with others but don’t eat. Sometimes they’ll even tip for the water they get. But as I say, in this situation, your friend should put something in front of you if he needs you to have something.

@wundayatta It isn’t even about the money… If I am not hungry, I don’t eat. Even if he does pay for it. :)

They don’t have 1 person tables. So an extra person means they put you at a 2 person table. Which they would have done if you were by yourself too. It’s not rude to not eat. It’s rude to eat and not give other people the opportunity, but since you’re at a restaurant they have that choice.

@mowens No, it isn’t about the money; it’s about having company. If he wants something in front of you, he pays for it. How hard is it to order you a cup of coffee?

@wundayatta Ah, I see what you are saying.

Sounds like that Dan character is a real jerk.

hahaha no, Dan understands this process. My friend Matt is the one that thinks it is assinine.

No, it’s not rude to not eat anything. It’s actually really cool that you guys have this (I want a “come with” guy). The key, however, is that everyone agrees that this is ok. If this friend isn’t ok with it, why are you going with him to restaurants? Just let him eat alone – but don’t let him force you into eating something if you don’t want to – THAT’S rude. You could also ask him why it bothers him – maybe he feels like you’ll end up resenting him later and it’ll be a whole passive-aggressive thing, maybe he then feels like a pig, etc. Maybe you could order something like an ice tea (if you wanted to, of course)?

Your friend is the one being rude here, not you.

You’re both being a bit rude to each other considering you’re meant to be mates.

Surely you should both respect each others differences, there’s no wrong or right in this context because it’s down personal opinion..

Was this friend around when you invented the ‘come with guy?’

It may have worked well with those friends at college, but you cant really impose this idea on someone else. Especially if they disagree with you.

and now you’ve called them an idiot for it.. that’s a little harsh man…

In my experience people named Matt are incredibly awesome….. Are you sure Dans not the jerk?

I don’t see what your friend is so upset about. But if he is, don’t agree to join him if you are not going to eat.

@misstrikcy I didn’t really call him an idiot. I just told him he was wrong, and he said it is rude to the establishment and waiter if I did not eat anything. You are correct, I did not know Matt in college. But the question still remains…. is it rude for me to go to a resteraunt with someone who is ordering a meal… and order nothing?

@papayalily The problem is, all I drink is water. I would gladly pay for it – if the menu called for it. But water drinkers are automatically assumed to be cheap. I drink it because it is healthy, the cheapness is just a side effect. :) My friends from college still ocassionally call eachother to be a come with guy. I think it is a good way to stay in touch.

@tedd Dan is a jerk, but that’s why we like him, and he is not a jerk in this case. :)

@mowens Tea is healthy for you, although in a different way. But really, if you don’t want to eat, then don’t eat. However, it can be really awkward when eating with someone who isn’t. There’s a whole communion/breaking of bread thing that doesn’t happen when one of you isn’t eating.

When I first read the question, I was thinking of an entirely different type of “come with” type of guy and wondering why you didn’t include NSFW.

:)

And for the record, I don’t think you’re being rude at all. Just honest.

He has no right to expect you to eat if you aren’t hungry. That’s ridiculous.

It doesn’t really impact a waitperson negatively if you’re just there. That’s a non-issue. He is projecting his own discomfort onto others. He needs to grow up a little.

Live and let live. Eat and let eat ( or not eat).

@mowens Then I would say no it is not rude.

You’ve been upfront and made clear your feelings to your friend about this matter, so he should either except it, or just ask someone else out to eat who’s up for it. He can hang out with you another time, another place. It doesn’t just have to be at the restaurant does it?

It would be a bit different if he asked you out to eat (without you mentioning you didn’t want to eat), and you got to the restaurant and then refused to order… but this is not the case.

Are you very good friends, or just ‘mates?’

If Matt knows how you feel, and he wants your company, it would be great if he’d ask you to join him far enough in advance that he wouldn’t catch you after you’ve had a meal.

@Buttonstc That was my first thought too. I was thinking it was in the realm of friends-with-benefits.

I agree with @Buttonstc that maybe Matt feels uncomfortable to eat in front of someone not eating and so he gets irritated. I’m conditioned by family much the same way, I don’t like to eat in front of others not eating, it makes it hard for me to relax and enjoy the food. Matt needs to pick another “come with” buddy for restaurants. You’re not being rude, he’s not being rude but he clearly wants an dining partner.

@misstrikcy We are actually pretty good friends. Exact opposites though. He cares what people think, I could give less of a shit. He washes his hands every 12 seconds and refuses to touch his cell phone right after he has washed his hands, and I eat stuff I drop on the floor. 10 minute rule! ;)

@papayalily and @Buttonstc Haha I am gay, but I wasn’t talking about that. Dirty, dirty minds!

As long as you two agree that the situation is fine, I don’t see the problem with it. I personally don’t like to eat somewhere with someone if the other person isn’t getting anything. I remember a time where my friend made it seem like he wanted to eat and then we got to the place and he’s like “oh, I’m not getting anything, I was just going because you wanted to” and I was like “well, then, forget it!” and we left. I don’t like being the only one eating. It’s awkward.

I don’t think there’s anything rude about not eating at a restaurant unless you make it seem you’re going to and then later refuse, like my friend did.

I wouldn’t care – I think this is a great idea. And I’ve never even thought about it but my friends and I always do this anyway.

I would feel odd being the only one eating, perhaps your friend feels the same way. I’d rather go alone then have someone sitting across from me not eating anything. I would feel to much pressure to keep a conversation going while I was eating instead of just enjoying the food.

@Seaofclouds Believe me, I talk enough to keep the conversation up for the both of us. I should have been in radio.

@mowens Right, but while you are not eating, you will be able to talk more, putting more pressure on the person eating to talk more. When both people are eating, the talking is a bit more limited and tends to go together better because both people are taking breaks to eat their food. I hate when someone asks me something right as I take a bite of food. I feel like I have to rush to chew it and swallow it so I can answer them.

It is kind of embarrassing to be the only one eating at a restaurant. If I wasn’t hungry, I would ask for a small salad or lemonade with toast, just to be polite.

This is why….I have never had a problem….with eating alone.