Do you truly think before you speak?

I am more of a “stream of consciousness” type of guy.

YOU AIN’T GOT NO PANCAKE MIX!

@jerv sorry it’s late, what do u mean by “stream”

I have to be pretty careful since there is a lot less filtering between my brain and my mouth (or fingers, in the case of posting on the ‘net). I speak my mind, and often times that is before I even bother to think.

One of the reasons I prefer ‘net posts over speech is that it forces me to slow down a bit and that gives me time to edit. When talking F2F, I lack that luxury and sometimes say some stuff I shouldn’t.

I overthink engineering problems, but not my words.

I think a lot about what I’m going to say before I say it, so yes.

@jerv I completely understand what you mean, but has there never been a time or times u went to open your mouth face to face with someone and thought better of it? Just courios.

@afros22 has it ever stopped you from asking or talking about what u wanted to? If so what do you do? Fallow through or leave it be?

Stream of consciousness is a writing style, amongst other things. I fondly refer to it as ‘verbal vomit’. Sometimes, just like being sick to your stomach, it feels good to get it out, but it is rarely pretty.

What’s weird about me is that I always think before I speak, no matter what. I analyze everything (most people say I over-analyze, as a matter of fact), but sometimes it still doesn’t stop me from saying something. I convince myself that no matter what I have to say, I’ll be able to make my meaning clear, if there’s confusion. Unfortunately for me, this is not the case most of the time. My thoughts and words are much more concise in written, rather than spoken, form. Even then, I sometimes say things that I absolutely can not convey the right way… But I still try. I don’t like holding back – at least when there are nothing but good intentions. Because I think, even if someone misunderstands what I mean, we can talk through it. (Because I’m an emotional person, this can be tedious, and I sometimes feel sorry for the people that take a genuine interest in what I have to say.)

@Pied_Pfeffer Stream of consciousness can be very pretty. But then, this is coming from someone who thinks a million miles an hour, so I would be drawn to it. I think it’s one of those things where you either hate it or love it.

@Inked_up_chic It’s rare. The only time it really happens is when I have a concept I want to convey that I can’t quite find the words for. The time it takes to find the words sometimes also gives me time to reconsider the wisdom of what I want to say…. but not always.

I am lucky to have a wife that understands that.

I beleive that this illustrates a difference between the genders though. Of course, I can’t say for certain since I am not a typical guy; the parts of my brain that control communications are a little wonky even compared to most males.

Considering that that is the part of the brain that is affected by Autism and that Autism is about 4–5 times more common in males than in females though, simple math says that that really shouldn’t come as a surprise. Especially not in my case.

@drasticdreamer wow! I feel like your inside my head and explaining to everyone how I am… If you knew me you’d think the same… That you just explained my thought process to a “T” lol

@jerv that kinda touches base one the generic conve we were having tonight, the part that lead to the “personal” level was that he brought up the “fact” that women are natually “bread” to argue at random time, like “you being male could be talking about flowers, and I as a femal would start a argument about bugs” lol his thoughts is it’s a “born female” trait cuz men aren’t like that, where as to my rebuttal was that I think alot of that comes from how you are raised and if your a “female” how much you take after your mother.

There are some situations where I think before I speak but when I get angry things just come out.

I do much more than I used to. For a very long time it seemed to me that my head basically consisted of a bit of brain that was connected to something like a water slide, the kind they have at amusement parks, that was connected directly to my mouth and I would generally just think something; it would simply form in my brain, go down the slide, and exit immediately, right out of my mouth. There were, absolutely, times when no one was more amazed by what came out of my mouth than I was. I spent a lot of time and energy feeling upset about things that I had said and a lot of time and energy formulating and offering up apologies for things I said. I eventually matured and made an effort to be more careful about what came out of my mouth. Less guilt, fewer apologies. Thinking before you speak is just more efficient, if nothing else. It really has so many advantages, I think, that it’s an attribute you should cultivate, if at all possible, IMHO.

IMHO?

In My Humble Opinion
Personally, I prefer IMAO; In My Arrogant Opinion

@DrasticDreamer Good point. It wasn’t a well-formulated answer on my behalf. What I meant is that sometimes, when someone is voicing their opinion on how they feel, they use the ‘stream of consciousness’ style of communication.

Writing in that style is a whole other matter. It may be a roller coaster ride when reading it, but it is still crafted. Take James Joyce’s “Ulysses”, for example. I don’t think he just sat down and cranked that puppy out in a day.

@Inked_up_chic There are names for this…An “Externalist” is someone who talks through their thought process, and the “Internalists” think it through before uttering a word. Of course, we are all capable of doing either, but most people tend to gravitate to one or the other. @jerv has given a perfect example of how he uses both.

@Pied_Pfeffer But each person will have a different balance of those two styles.

@jerv Exactly.

@Pied_Pfeffer And “Externalists” are often seen as tactless :P

@Inked_up_chic Oh, yea, all the time. There are sooo many thinks I wish I could say.

@lillycoyote I still do that and am amazed by what comes out, I’m 23, but I’m slowly learning, point and case tonight lol

@afos22 so what’s stopping you from saying them vs. Saying them just in a different way then the original thought?

@pied_pfeffer so what is someone called who does or is both of those?

And there are names slung at the “Internalists” as well. It is just a matter of understanding and valuing the differences, with a little bit of communication thrown in. Here is an example: I used to report to a guy who, when I would go to with an idea, would sit back in his chair, and I’d watch this tic in his jaw as I babbled away. I often thought he was clenching his teeth and trying to think of a way to tell me that I was an idiot. Minutes would go by that seemed like hours, and he’d finally say, “I think it’s a good idea. Here’s what we need to do…” He was just processing the info. and formulating a plan. It would have been helpful if he had said, “Give me a minute to think through this.”

@Inked_up_chic It’s ‘Afos22’ lol, and I just don’t say what I was going to. It doesn’t matter how I word it, it still will mean the same thing.

Sorry, damn iPhones, I just corrected your name @Afos22 lol

@jerv I can be very pompous at times so I like to balance out my karma with an occasional IMHO.

@Inked_up_chic I think it’s pretty common for all of us to use either style of communication based upon the situation and who we are speaking to. My SO used to put up with my diatribe about some work situations with the agreement that he wouldn’t have to recall a word of it. On the flip side, he’s welcome to talk about each episode of “Lost”, knowing that I have no clue what language he is speaking. Otherwise, we both pretty much internalize our thought processes.

@Afos22 I’m sorry if this offends you but your last response made me a lil sad… Do u never want people to know how you truly feel or think about something? And just because it’s the same meaning, the diff way you word it can make the “blow” of what you said more “acceptable/understanding

and still get your point across”

@Inked_up_chic Actually, I speak my mind more of the time than most, but there are a few things I can’t seem to say. Idk why I said sooo many things before, didn’t mean, so many. I guess im just tired. And I don’t change the wording of something that I don’t say b/c if you decided you really want to say something, you should just be blunt about it.

@Afos22 it kinda sounds contradicting, being blunt and at the same time holding back lol, I’m not picking on u or anything I just viewed that as contradicting in a way

Yep! I do that all the time. (well, especially when there’s an argument going on). In general convesation, i really do try to think before i say anything.

@Inked_up_chic You’ll be fine. It took me quite a while to get my mouth under control. The important thing was that it mattered to me. I didn’t want to constantly be saying things that I felt bad about and would eventually have to apologize for. A lot of people say whatever they want and don’t care. I didn’t want to be that kind of person, so… not wanting to be that kind of person is the first step.

I see your point. I’m saying, to be blunt about what you decide to say.

@EVERYONE, I think the reason I asked this on a whim tonight was because I’m am a person who is sometimes violently verbally blunt and the sad part is I think and choose my words carefully when I am and normally don’t care how it effects others to an extent because we should all except eachother for who we are and how we are and I want people in my life that I do t have to “gaurd” myself around, But tonight was the first time I chose to keep my mouth shut and thought better…

So I guess really I’m just trying to find out if this is something normal? Or a “growing up” change I’m going through

I think you came to the realization that you should never ask your bf why he loves you. =P

@Afos22 lmao! Oh no, no no, I have asked him that question before, and at the time he gave me the “boyfriendly” answer, but you see he’s a Marine so there is a “deeper” side to him that come with the “lifestyle” that they won’t admit often and I “know” there are “real/personal” reasons he does, but at the the time he was just doing what was the most simplistic lol…( not sure why I just told you that lol)

@Inked_up_chic Ahahah, I am not following you XD

I’m not so sure im fallowing myself anymore lol, it’s 4:45 am where I am… I think fluther should have a curfew forthese things lol I hope I don’t get introuble for saying that :p

@aha same time here, dunno, why Im up, but.. There are always going to be things that you rethink saying. It doesn’t mean you’re weird or anything.

@Inked_up_chic LOL. I’m old enough to be your mother and I agree absolutely that fluther should have a curfew for everyone, young and old. You have no idea what trouble I sometimes get myself into when I fluther into the wee hours of the morning.

@lillycoyote :) glad someone agrees with me on this one lol

Your fluthibitions go right out the window. XD

Sometimes, only sometines mind you, my mouth works independently from my brain. Still, you pays your money & takes your choice….right?

Not often enough.

yes. Unless I’m mad. Working hard to change that.

Over the years I have said so many differnt things, most of which I thought about before I said them, that I really don’t need to consider most of my responses before I say them. I generally know what sort of response I’m going to get from people. Admittedly, I sometimes get blind-sided, such as when I’m not feeling well, or when I’m very tired, but even then my responses were often thought through at some point in the past, so the wording is almost automatic.

I speak my mind and have the scars to prove it!

Most of the time, I’d say.

I’d try to speak my mind as quickly as possible because we all have that filter of what to say or what not to say but if you filter it i don’t think its really your honest opinion or thoughts and i really believe in being honest even if it hurts.

I tend to analyze, edit and self-censor to the point that I can rarely get into F2F conversations. By the time I’m ready to respond, the topic of conversation has changed.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I used to be like that back when I still gave a shit.

@tifa Do you really believe that “honesty” is such an over-arching value, something to be valued above all else that you should be willing and able to say whatever you want, whenever you want without any regard to the impact it may have on other people? Are you so perfect, so above reproach, so intelligent and insightful that you can be absolutely certain that what you believe to be true is actually true? That what you believe to be pure honesty is not merely your opinion and therefore should be presented as such?

@lillycoyote Well i don’t think i’m all knowing or anything i have many flaws like everyone else, but i think as long as i really believe in what i’m saying it’s honest and right even if it’s technically wrong… say someone asked me what color grass is and i was colorblind and said grey…if i truly believed it was grey even though i was wrong, i believed it was right so i was being honest as possible.

@jerv It gives people a false impression of wisdom, for good or ill. People think that I’m carefully pondering all points of a conversation. It’s really that I’m so slow at formulating a carefully considered answer that I can’t get a word in edgewise.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I think quickly enough to be correct and relevant enough to come across as a smartass know-it-all :P

Maybe I’ll care about appearing wise when I hit 40, but I have a few years before that happens.