NSFW - Tips on making the first move (for guys)

If she’s got her back to you but the signals are clear, you could put your arm around her waist and pull her a little closer to you – but gently. If she’s snuggles in closer, you’re made in the shade.

Dude the trick is to position yourself behind her during the movie, then you can gently but deliberately touch her back…based on how she reacts you’ll know what to do next…I hope.

I’m curious as to how you know the girl clearly came for sex, if nothing happened. If she clearly came for sex, would she not have, as the expression goes, “jumped your bones?”

Well we met online. We’ve hung out a 3 times. Honestly the signs gave me the impression she was not intrested but she kept blowing my phone up. She kept litterly blowing my phone up so I rolled with it. She then invited me to sleep over where she was staying and I told her what I wanted and she said she wanted it too. I coulden’t make it so we hung out hte next night and you have what I described above.

Ya @BarnacleBill thats exactly what I thought. Should I talk to her and see whatsup or just say screw it?

@FutureMemory
Ya that’s a good idea but we were laying side by side. I coulden’t get my arm around her. Would it have been appropriate to ask her to get comfortable?

By the way, homie, “literal” isn’t a word used when you want to emphasize something strongly, as in “My phone was ringing so much it was literally blowing up”. Literally blowing up would mean your phone actually exploded.

@FutureMemory

I’m asking for advice, not the fucking Grammar Police. You are working on a response for 5 minutes to come out with that…. Cmon I’m serious cause this is bothering the hell out of me.

I am unable to EDIT the question. I’m sorry, but I believe you understand the basic premise of what I am asking despite a minor misuse. Please be helpful

I already answered your actual question. I’m sorry you’re so embarrassed, if it bothers you that much I take it back. Feel better now?

lol I’m not embarrassed, just frustrated. It’s just I asked a followup because what you said really didn’t apply to my situation. at least I couldn’t see how. No hard feelings bro.

“Ya that’s a good idea but we were laying side by side. I couldn’t get my arm around her. Would it have been appropriate to ask her to get comfortable?”

Chalk it up to not the right sort of chemistry between you.

An age old dichotomy between the sexes is the notion that in order to get a date, a girl must appear that she is willing to put out in order to get a date. The boy then asks the girl out because she appears to be advertising “free sex.” In reality, the girl is not really interested in having sex with the boy at all, but feels she must come across as being interested in having sex in order to get a date. In the “old days” girls like this were referred to as being a “prick tease.” Nothing I have seen about young people in the last 40 years leads me to think that either young men or young women have improved over previous generations.

If she was really interested in having sex, you would have had sex. Guys really don’t initiate things; women only let them think they do.

But to answer your question more directly, putting your arm around her, not watching the movie, but playing with her hair, nibbling on her ears or little kisses on the neck, usually lets them know that you’re not really interested in watching the movie. If she tells you to quit, you must.

The casual dick-slap is usually effective. The old trusty dick-slap.

@truecomedian
hahaha so true

Well what if she wasn’t in a position where I could put my arm around her? Would it have been ok to ask her get into a different position although that would be blatently obvious.

as a girl, i am tempted to add my opinion. i think guys should just be bold sometimes and the worst that can happen is you get rejected, but it does not hurt to try. i was thinking of your question from a girl perspective. if i were laying with a guy, in any position, and i wanted to have sex with him, i think at some point if i felt he was too slow i might turn and hug him, or put my hand on his leg or torso in some way. since that did not happen, you should have just gotten bold. since she invited you to sleep over previously and you both discussed sex, and agreed on what you both wanted, clearly she was interested. i look at it as a no brainer.

@ica

Every girl i’ve been with has made some sort of sugestion she was into me to me either by looking at me, giggling, pulling me closer, whatever. Tis girl did not. If she would have turned toward me and hugged me or grabbed me in anyway it would have been game over.

I was honestly to the point where I was about to turn her around after the movie and said something like “So now that the movies over let’s do what you came to do” then moved to make out. Would that have been hot or rude and off putting???

Well how can I repair? Should I say that I had a lot on my mind and didn’t feel like having sex? We were both really high too, which kinda made me feel all clumsy. Should I tell her that she wasn’t really putting it out there?

for me, i don’t like when someone talks about the sex, or asks, it’s like, “just do it.” so don’t ask if you can do something, just do it, try it out. if she is not interested, she will let you know.

as to whether or not you should discuss it, that’s up to you. she may be a little confused, since you had the chance and did not take it. next time you talk to her, tell her you were so high, blah blah blah. try again, better luck next time.

And hopefully you are above talking “homie” to her….or ever again to anyone, for that matter. Note that virtually everyone on Fluther, of all ages, is grammatically correct. That’s one of the things we like about being here.

As for the girl, try getting tuned in to her mentally and emotionally in conversation. If she is responsive, you will see and feel a closeness develop. That’s a signal. Btw, movies are horrible places to make that happen. It precludes emotional contact.

my advice also is try not to be high next time you are together. a few drinks, yes, but “really high” – no.

Skip the movie!! Light a candle and talk to her! Show interest in her!! Say nice things…funny things. Touch her, caress her again show an interest in her as a woman and you will even forget you had a movie to watch.

Sounds like you expected her to make the move…she already did when she expressed her interest in sex with you…that ball was in your court and you need to make that effort if you truly are interested in this woman. Otherwise save her the grief and go masturbate.

@Cruiser: That was my first response. I would be less-than-thrilled to have love-making paired with a movie.

@Enforcer; Learn the many and subtle ways of initiating foreplay, which includes lots of things. @Cruiser gave you a very good list.

This is just a slut to fuck mind you, not my girlfriend. We both know it’s like this. but ok

We were also watching a movie at my house. I just didn’t know how to transition from movie to foreplay. It’s just kind of awkward since one minute your watching the movie, next im touching her, next were making out. I’m gonna have a talk with her.

She dosen’t want a boyfriend. this is just physical. I’m very nice to her and treat her with respect when I’m with her.

@Enforcer: Well, then, forget the charm (Ooops. You’ve already done that) Lucky slut, and even less-lucky girlfriend.

The best tip I can give you is don’t be the one to make the first move.

@Enforcer If it is just a bump and grind session then all the more reason to skip the movie! Answer the door wearing nothing more than a loin cloth and have the drop cloth, baby oil and blind folds all laid out before she arrives. HS just throw her down and do it already!!

The first move I make with a slut is to show her the door. Does anyone bother getting to know a person before joining fluids? Why would I want to fuck her if I don’t even know if I like her?

Ah… but some want to fuck in order to see if they like the person… Always a crash and burn later on, whether there’s a girlfriend in the shadows or not.

@Enforcer Let me see if I understand….

This is just a slut to fuck

You are an idiot.

@Enforcer Bop her with your club, the drag her by the hair back to your cave. Maybe you can show her your pet woolly mammoth afterward.

Indeed, but do not drag her by the legs or she might fill up with dirt.

Ah phooey – I’m sorry I even gave a serious answer to this drivel.

I’m with you, @janbb, why did i answer this seriously? i gave good answers to all the responses after “this is just a slut to fuck.”

i would think making the first move on a slut would just require a penis, nothing more.

@FutureMemory “Literally” has been used as a non-literal intensifier for a long long time. When someone uses the word “really” do you expect that they are always talking about something real?

This is just a slut to fuck mind you, not my girlfriend

I’m very nice to her and treat her with respect when I’m with her.

How in the world could these two sentences appear in one post?

Maybe the more time she spent with you, she intuited that you considered her a “Slut to fuck”
Newsflash! There are way too many nice guys out there to have a a casual sexual encounter with. It is not fun to have sex with someone who considers one “A slut to fuck” A hot bath and a big dildo would be preferable.

I smell a troll.

I get you were laying side by side but not “spooning”. If ever in this position again then scoot back like you’re got to sit up, pluff up some pillows behind your back and reach out your arms beckoning her to “get comfortable” by her scooting back a little into the crook of one of your arms where she can lean her head back on your arm or pillow or choose to snuggle against your chest.

If it’s obvious or even discussed ahead of time what you each expect from an encounter then the rest is just maneuvers to make it less blunt, more fun, maybe even a bit romantic. Spooning is kind of awkward unless you know for sure she wants to get laid with you because your boner against her back or behind is bound to make a presence. Ya know.

I’m sorry, but if she’s there for sex, why the fuck are you watching a movie. You don’t want her watching a movie. You want her attention on you. If you invite her over, you have to start making love to her from the time you open the door. Maybe give her a gift. Compliment her. Maybe invite her to eat or drink or just prepare some kind of experience for her.

It’s best if it’s a kind of game—a little humor and a little intrigue—a little suggestiveness. Something that allows you to touch her—stroke her. Let it build slowly, until she feels more comfortable with more intense things, looking in her eyes, playing with her clothing. But all along you let her know how much you care and how fascinating you find her.

But Dude! A movie? On a TV? Bad mistake. Dunno if you can recover from that one.

@wundayatta and @Neizvestnaya – maybe you guys missed the part about her being just a slut to fuck? he should not have even asked this question, if she’s just a slut then she should be so easy. if he could not make it with a slut, then he must be pretty lame.

couldn’t even figure how to fuck a slut that came to fuck? did she get her money back?

@jca Have you ever been a slut? They met online. But they had never met before. Just because they had never met before doesn’t make her a slut. Even if she is a slut, that doesn’t take away her humanity. After all, she did leave without fucking him. I think you are letting your judgments get in the way of your good sense. And of your compassion. Even sluts are people and they also like to be treated as such.

@wundayatta I think it was the OP and not the “slut” in question who was being dissed.

@wundayatta : HELLO??? you obviously don’t know sarcasm when you see it. he called her a slut first, i did not. i was sarcastically following his lead. do you not comprehend that?

@ica
Yes I can make it with this girl, I just don’t know what to do that’s why I’m asking you all. I’ve only been with 2 women, both my girlfriend’s at the time. I haven’t been with a woman in a year. I’ve never had a woman where we just had sex and that’s it. It’s kinda new to me. This is a legitimate question.

@Neizvestanaya
Thanks

@wundayatta

Thank you for a legit answer. I just thought you’d watch a movie first. All my friends who have sex with promiscuous women (to be nicer for you guys) always just bring them in the room and watch tv. I don’t want to ask them because then I’ll sound inexperienced so I’m asking here :p.

So it’s perfectly cool and acceptable to get right to business the minute she comes over? Every girl I’ve hooked up with gave me eye contact, we talked and got closer and closer, then started making out.

By the way I actually salvaged it saying I was really high and had a lot on my mind. She told me it’s cool. I also asked her why she wasn’t giving any hints and she said she’s really shy and needs a man to make the first move.

@EveryoneElse
Ok for all you guys who are dissing me. Slut is simply a description, a label; It’s a scientific term. I don’t call her a slut to her face. I don’t treat her like a slut. When you meet online, hang out only a few times, then want sex you by definition of the term, meet the criteria for being a slut. I’m sorry

@jca Sorry. I didn’t see him call her a slut. I thought that was you making the value judgment. My apologies.

And no, I didn’t see the sarcasm. As I’m sure you know, it can be difficult to see that online, and especially when you read a comment without reminding yourself of the whole history of the question before hand. I mean, while I’m sure you can remember everything in a thread from one day to the next, my feeble brain is losing it’s memory capacity, so pardon me for taking your statement at face value.

Having said that, I still think that if a guy considers this woman a slut, and doesn’t offer her a shred of respect, then it’s no wonder she took off without putting out. Who knows, if she’d never met him before, maybe she decided she didn’t like him in real life.

@Enforcer: Please define the scientific meaning of “slut.”

Dear everyone: there’s nothing wrong with being a slut and I do believe it’s possible to use the term without judgement.

(Incidentally, here’s my favorite definition of slut: “A slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.”)

I want to express that I understand the general phenomenon that @Enforcer is talking about, regardless of whether a person is a slut. You have two people—of any relationship—who are attracted to each other and want to have sex. Maybe they even know that the other wants to have sex. How does one move from sitting next to each other on a couch into that sex? It’s not straightforward since society has made taboo any open expression of our desires. Should one just say, “Hey, wanna have sex now?” or just pull them in for a deep kiss without any conversation? Even knowing that they want it, actually going for it can be nerve-wracking. No one ever taught us how to navigate those channels. Sometimes it works out, but otherwise—it’s not necessarily easy.

I don’t have much advice, but @wundayatta‘s advice seems pretty sound. I just wanted to let you know that I feel your confusion.

I’m not sure how most people make these hookup arrangements over the internet. It would be pretty interesting to see a sample of such correspondences. When I was doing such things, fantasy played a pretty big role in the online relationship. That continued over into the real life relationship.

My point is that you just pick up in real life where you left off in virtual life. It’s not such a good idea to have a sudden switch to some other way of interacting. It’s building on what went before in a natural way. That way, the sex is a natural thing, too. Easy to get into because it just flows from everything else. Just be patient and natural and yourself. If she wants it, too, it’ll happen.

K thx owned. GG No RM

Chilled again, watched a moive on the couch (much more comfortable) and held her, smoked some grass, then said let’s go to my room. Done deal