Some progress is better than no progress. What's your milestone? (part 9)

=============== Sunday, August 8, 2010 ===============

Last week, I get a call from a good friend that he is starting his own company. He tells me all about it and it’s seriously one of the best ideas I’ve heard for a promotional company in…well…ever. I’ve worked in the promotional industry for a while, so I’ve heard about quite a few and how they work. This one is different. Way different. Which I love. :)
He asks me if I’d like to come on board and ever since, I’ve been working hard to develop the script for the sale’s pitch, the script to use in the training classes for new sale’s reps, finding a payment gateway for the website that’s being built, helping with ideas for the package, thinking up creative ways to promote and make sure that it is a win-win for everyone, among other tasks required to launch a new company like this.
I’ve been having a blast. I’ve been unemployed (aside from working a little bit from home) for quite sometime now, which can obviously be a real damper and negatively affect your happiness and self-esteem, and it just feels totally amazing that I’m back to having a job – a job that I can definitely use as a vehicle to launch other important endeavors for myself and others.
I haven’t been participating much on Fluther for the past two weeks or so and this is why.
Before, I was unemployed so I had a lot of free time, and even though I miss answering questions, I’m just so happy that I have a job again!! But not any old ordinary job – this is truly something I feel I can be proud of because it will benefit thousands of people, if it’s successful of course, but I have tremendous faith that it will be. I can’t tell you how awesome it feels to finally be able to keep busy again. Not to mention, I’m apart of something that is going to help a lot of people and that’s always a great feeling.

To top it all off, I had a fantastic summer. I visited @lucillelucillelucille for a week and we had a blast. It was my first vacation (one of the best vacations ever, might I add) that I’ve had in over 5 years. WOO! For the first time in several years I can finally say with confidence that life is good. =)

@Vunessuh Sounds great! I’m happy for you. :)

I don’t believe I’ve ever posted in one of these threads before.

So here goes…. I bought an advertising plan for my digital art. I’ve also been to 6 therapy sessions this year, which is a huge huge leap for me. I’m proud of myself for sticking to that. I guess that’s it, really. But both were really important to me recently and I’m proud of myself.

I completed my legal name change just over a week ago, and I’m now fully “out” with everyone at work and in my various social circles. This is the start of what’s called the “Real Life Test” – where I have to live fully in the role of my chosen gender for 12 months before I am allowed to start medical transiton.

Also in the last 3 months I have managed to save more money than ever before in my life.

Hello Everyone…
My stepson has come and gone. He was on leave from the Navy. I survived… He can be rude and he spread his stuff from one end to the other. I swear he is bipolar. You never know what kind of mood he is going to be. I got a Blackberry phone. Very fancy. Not sure how to use it. and I am planning a trip to Washington DC in October. that is my next milestone.

I am working for someone else for a change. It is nice to have the proverbial buck pass me by when a crisis occurs instead of stopping squarely in front of me.

My dog graduated from her basic obedience class. You can see her graduation picture here.

I finished a 5K race today in just under 41 minutes, a snail’s pace for some, but pretty good for me.

@rooeytoo Awwwww That was too cute.

I’m so proud of all of you!

I’m working on some moderation documents and getting part 2 of the mattbrowne interview ready to post. In the week ahead, I’ll start editing the next interview and I desperately need to pay some bills.

I’ve never posted in any of these threads before. Many firsts as of late. I’ve decided to start putting some of my writing to music. I don’t sing myself so I’m going to get involved with other writer’s and musicians and try to collaborate with them. It’s an exciting venture.
My first goal is to find someone who can help with a melody.

Three weeks ago to the day I started a diet, reducing calories by avoiding beef, bread, sodas and desserts. I don’t know how much I’ve lost—I purposely haven’t weighed my self every day as on previously diets but rather, plan to do it once a month—but I my pants are definitely sitting more loosely. .My goal is to lose enough pounds to be able to start buying one less size in shirts and pants. Thanks for this thread. (By the way, I’m not nor ever have been grossly overweight, just weight conscious.)

Tomorrow I return to mediation with ex to see if we can hammer out a deal that will stop him from harassing me constantly. I am actually a nervous wreck about the whole thing, but my man and my sister are helping me prepare and I know it is a much better option than court.

In Fluther related news, my sister is back and that makes me incredibly happy. I have also managed to have some pretty lively and rather civil debates.

Progress on many fronts. Reconnecting with people that are near and dear to me…..been running or biking every day this summer so I am in pretty good shape for an old fart. ;) Been out slaloming behind the boat a bunch this summer and it feels real good to still have that in me! Still trying to sell my house and confident that will resolve itself soon. I am embarking on a life changing endeavor and am heavily invested in that task time wise. The next time this thread regenerates a lot will have happened in my life.

I have really missed this thread but got lost a bit.
Being on mobile I won’t do a name by name summary but I read all the posts and am rooting for you all. Also congrats to those who are beginning new adventures in life!

I nailed a contract for Christmas cards this week. They also put in a request for two more paintings due by the 20th. I am dying to get started on them but we have my husbands family visiting from back east. They argue a lot. The constant negativity is not conducive to creating art.

My overall goal of boosting licensing contracts and increasing my income back to where it was pre- recession is still falling short. I will be seeking a part- time job when school starts to supplement our income. It is hard to believe that just 2 years ago we were making double what we are today.

Okay- enough blathering. The goal: paint more,get more contracts. Start looking for part- time work.

Congrats to all! Especially @downtide… it’s so great that you’ve had the courage to do this.

Finally finished the bulk of the baby blanket I’ve been working on for an old friend from high school that’s due next month… just need to finish the edging. Went out on a great first date on Thursday night… we might be seeing each other again today.

@poofandmook thankyou. :) I wish I’d had the courage to do it 13 years ago though.

I’m preparing for surgery. Losing weigh, eating healty, doing push ups, sit ups, walking a far as my bad hip will allow.

Congrats to everyone for all your progress.

As for me, not much to report this week. I haven’t gotten much work done on my summer assignment lately, but I plan to get back on that this week since the next installment is due on the 15th.
I haven’t been going to the gym for the past two weeks, either, because my friend was on vacation, and I spent last week at @augustlan‘s house. But we do plan to start going again, starting with this Thursday.
I start work on Monday, and work Tuesday and Wednesday as well. I’m really nervous about it all and I have a feeling that I will hate it. The job is only for the next three weeks so I’m sure that I’ll be fine, but I’m having a hard time handling it all right now. Hopefully it will all pass once I actually start working.

@Fly how did you manage to get on the computer? loll

Congrats to everyone on their progress!

As for me, I’m currently trying to get my sleeping pattern into a better routine. It’s been getting worse and worse, to the point where being up until 5–6 am is becoming normal, as is sleeping until late afternoon. I need to get it under control before school starts, otherwise I’ll have a lot of trouble.

I have done basically nothing at work all summer. Some of it is due to absurd and insurmountable problems replacing equipment but a lot is just because I’m lazy and don’t have any real deadlines. This will have to change soon.

I am deep in the throes of moving. I have everything moved out of my bedroom except my bed and desk, which a kind gentleman friend took apart for me. Problem is, I have no f-ing clue how to put them back together. Also not entirely sure how to transport them to Apartment 2. And we still have to move the living room, kitchen, storage room, and my roommate’s bedroom.

After running my first half-marathon two weeks ago today, I’ve been sidelined with tendinitis. Again. I tried running 5 kilometers twice and made it through nearly 5 miles yesterday—the pain isn’t terrible, but it’s definitely still there, and my stride just doesn’t feel right at all. I’m incredibly frustrated and have exactly 4 weeks until the next half-marathon, and at this point I’m not even sure I’ll be able to run it. I am super disappointed to see my running fitness backslide—three weeks ago I was in my best running form ever, by far, and it is disappearing fast.

Also (I’m afraid to jinx it) I seem to be dating someone who doesn’t appear to be a spectacular disaster for the first time in… a long time. (His worst flaw so far has been an unimpressive dinner.) He’s smart, funny, competent, successful, and has no readily apparent horrible flaws. And I like him.

We are coming up on the 7 month mark of this deployment. I graduate with my BSN this upcoming week and my son starts 3rd grade next week (the 16th). Our summer break is almost over for us.

I got hired for a full-time position doing things that will look very good on my resume (not to mention the pay rate is great for someone like me)! Very exciting. I start Tuesday. I’m kind of nervous.

Congrats @Facade.

This will seem small but…since 1984 I have been driving the same old work truck. It was 20 years old when I took ownership. It was a basic design of almost a postwar Soviet style. No bells, nor whistles, not even seat belts. But it was fine. For 26 years Old Red carried me everywhere and took everything I threw at it. It’s been to Maine and New Mexico and a bunch of places in between. Last month I decided I was getting too old to be driving “3 on the tree and no a/c” and bought a new truck, this one only 10 years old. I always hang on to things till they are worn out, then I fix them, again and again. To me it was a big deal to do something different like this because I never imagined ever driving anything different. It never seemed necessary as long as what I had, worked. When something or someone is dependable one never wants to change up. I still have the old truck but use it in a lesser capacity. The dogs like to ride in and lay under it. So nowadays I don’t drive home with sweat running down the backside of my spectacles and it feels fine. There isn’t as much for my hands to do while driving as this one drives itself compared to Old Red. Wonder what this button does?

@Facade Congrats! That’s wonderful news :)

@stardust @Seaofclouds Thanks, y’all!

@facade, great news and
@woodcutter – that is an amazing tale. You sound like my dad! and you probably aren’t as old as I am. We just sold a 20 year old ford wagon and my old dog is heartbroken, it was his favorite, he could lie down in the back and still see out the windows. He can’t do that in either of the new cars.

@nikipedia – get one of those belts so you can run in the pool, that keeps your cardio in shape and swimming is good too. I hate the injuries, I always try to run through them, so far it hasn’t done serious damage. Did you try a chiropractor, they always help me. And great news on the guy thing.

Great to hear so many success stories. Hurray for the new jobs, new projects, and significant achievements. Good luck to those who are starting new things or facing challenges in the coming week.

How about some long-term goals? Who’s working on something big?

I finished editing a novel on July 30th, and now I can say I’ve done it. Good for my resume (lots of full-length nonfiction books, lots of fiction, but no book-length fiction until now). I’m starting my second one tomorrow, aiming to complete it in one month.

In another week I’ll register for a fall class and be back in the weekly rhythm of schoolwork. That’s just enough structure for me—a little study, a little freelance work. More, and I would start to feel owned—a feeling I have not missed over the past 10 months.

The foot is slowly healing. After 6 months I’m thoroughly sick of wearing the soft cast, but I would hate to reinjure it and have to start over. So I strap the thing on again and hobble on my way.

About a month ago, I decided to give up searching for my father. I’ve been actively hunting every way I can fathom since I was 16, and had gotten to the point of just checking the national obituary registry once a week. Finally, I said “I’m done”.

Then, someone sends me a link on Facebook to an account holder that had my father’s name.

Of course, Yay! Hopes up! I sent a friend request.

Nothing for over a week. Starting to get anxious.

This morning it was accepted.

The account holder has his birthday set at April of 1996.

Fuck you, Facebook. I had just come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never see the guy again, and you do this to me.

I spoke to the bank today, I had begun to lose hope for solving some pretty major issues, but I am closer than I thought and even with others attempting to through monkey wrenches into things, I am officially confident that I will make it throw this. Also, I need lots of good thoughts, vibes, and prayer for this afternoon’s mediation!

@Jeruba, I have two more semesters before I begin student teaching – if all the classes fall into place. That and marrying my baby in Hawaii next March are my current long term goals.

@Seek_Kolinahr my birthday on Facebook says I was born in 1936 (not so much my birth year), maybe all hope is not lost.

@SuperMouse It’s not him. The user is a dark-skinned teenager. My father is a 51 year old blonde Irish guy.

@Seek_Kolinahr bummer, I hope your search eventually proves fruitful.

I’m back from a 3 week trip to Nepal!
Check out some photos here!

It was lovely. I went by myself; and for a while dropped all obligations, woke up exactly when I wanted to, ate only when I got hungry, went wherever I wanted. So good to follow my own rhythm; and to have an uncluttered mind. Met great people too.

I realise that when I travel I am in a much more open,, curious, relaxed, engaged and friendly state. I walk around slower, and I smell the flowers. So I’m trying to integrate this more into my life here. Mm – breathe deeply.

@lifeflame Gorgeous photos!

@lifeflame Awesome photos! Thanks for sharing.
I have had the chance to do as you did once in a while- Manhattan and Atlanta after art exhibits. It is a special kind of freedom and peace.
Let us know how you manage to integrate it into your daily life.

Well, I have officially worked two days now.
I was supposed to work on Monday in addition to yesterday and today, but due to a scheduler who is, shall we say, far from the sharpest tool in the shed, I was sent home. I have already had several issues with her just within the first week, so I am not looking forward to dealing with her in the future.
I have also determined that I am not suited for lifeguarding. (No pun intended.)
It’s extremely boring but it is still very tiring and has a very bad effect on me physically. I hate heat, and I just worked in record-setting temperatures today. And the hours are awful- I worked for eight hours yesterday and nine today. The only good thing about having so many hours is that the minimum wage pay adds up pretty quickly. I’m going to try to stick it out for a while and see if I get adjusted to it at least until I work off the $150 I would have to pay for the training if I quit before the end of the season, but if it keeps up this way I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it for the full season, especially not once school starts.

Boy, you snooze, you lose around here. I’m on vacation and just Fluthering enough to keep my head above water, and somehow missed the new incarnation of the progress thread. I had to go look for it.

Being away has been very therapeutic for me; although I can’t say I’ve had any epiphanies, I have felt more at peace and joyous than I have been all summer. I know I have to come up with some more activities and passions for this school year and I am pondering options.

So much news, congratulations to all on the progress but especially to @downtide. What great progress you have made!

Still sad about pd’s leaving here.

I’m still sad about pd, too. I miss him a lot.

I started training 2 weeks ago to become a certified life coach at my company. It will keep me busy for the next 2 years.

I think that I am hitting my lowest point. If it wasn’t for my sister needing me, I really don’t think that I’d be sticking around.

Send good vibes, please.

@jjmah hugs to you, hun. It gets better. If we didn’t have the down times we would never appreciate the up times. xoxo.

@jjmah Oh, girly. That makes me sad. Sending hugs, love, and positive thoughts your way. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. ♥

@jjmah – fluthering is good for the soul but it sounds as if you need some one on one help. I would suggest you go counselor shopping and keep going until you find one who feels like home. No use going it all alone when it’s not necessary.

@jjmah There are people who love and need you, but that’s not the point – the point is that you KNOW that this is a lowest point and the only way is UP and this isn’t forever, at all.

@jjmah: Lots of love. Keep running; it keeps my spirits up like nothing else. We’re all here for you. If you ever need to talk or vent or anything, we’re listening. <3

You are all awesome. Thank-you.

Nik, I plan on going for a run shortly. I have been running an hour a day (two half hour runs). I find that it gives me a bit of a lift. It’s helping for sure.

@jjmah: (hugs)

I’m just so freakin’ scared of losing another person. I have been letting go three months of pent up emotion. I have burst out into tears a few times this afternoon. One just now. It feels good to cry.

@jjmah sometimes that is all it takes. :) It’s good to let it out.

@jjmah Run, talk to us, cry and take comfort from your girlie. You will get through this.

====================Sunday, August 15=============================

Came back from vacation last night. The week in Maine was a great one and I had some great peaceful moments sitting on the dock by the pond on my own. (No humidity is a wonderful thing for clear thinking!) I resolved on the way home to look to participate in some more meaningful activties this year since my life has gotten too dull of late. I will probably rejoin the board of the Center for Holocaust and Genocide Studies at my college or volunteer to do some writing for them again, and am going to look into singing or French lessons as well. I would like to get back into painting, too, but it seems to elude me at the moment. This week, I need to finish my lessons for the Fall course which will start the end of September and talk to my boss/friend at the library about my Fall schedule there.

How are y’all doing?

Today is little man’s birthday party. I can’t believe he’s TWO!

Well, on Tuesday. But today is presents day, so there.

Want a cupcake? I’m so proud of those things. ^_^

Jjmah- hope things get better. :(

@Spock Congrats to little man!

@janbb Sounds like interesting plans! May the studying go well and the volunteering be rewarding.

I have 5 paintings going. Hope to finish and list some for sale this week. Foxes are close to completion.

Did not job hunt aside of one online application.

@jjmah Hang in there. It will get better, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. We’re all here for you whenever you need to talk.

As for me, not too much to report this week.
I am still lifeguarding as of now, but I’m not sure how long I will be able to keep it up. However, I am going to try to make it through to the end of the season, or at the very least, until the beginning of school.
I did manage to complete the second part of my summer assignment for AP chemistry earlier this week, which I will be sending in to my teacher later today. But try as I may, I just cannot get through Napoleon’s Buttons, so I will have to do my best to write a review of the book with the little that I have read thus far. The book review and the third problem set are due on the first day of school, August 23rd, so my goal for the coming weeks is to get those completed.
I haven’t been going to the gym at all due to work and schoolwork, but hopefully I will be going back this week since I am not scheduled to work until the weekend.

Welcome back, @janbb. A week in Maine just sounds so wonderful to me. I love the Atlantic coast, especially tre Northeast.

@jjmah, I am so sorry for your pain. In time it will pass. There are many who do understand and can offer their experience, strength, and hope to help you through.

@Seek_Kolinahr, isn’t the second birthday fun? It’s the first time he gets it. Birthday celebration number 1 is for the parents, just to celebrate getting through the year. Now on to the two’s—some great moments coming.

@nikipedia, are you settled in?

@Fly, I hope you make a good start on your school year. You can get a lot out of some books by reading the beginnings and ends of chapters and skimming the rest. Napoleon’s Buttons sounds like a book you might be able to get enough out of by doing that and then reading one chapter (besides the first) carefully and getting the idea of how they all work.

I’ve begun editing a novel for my second client, and it’s going really well. Starting tomorrow I’ll take a week off from that to do a weird crash job that came my way and will pay me $1000 for 5 short days. Couldn’t pass it up. I’ve also dusted off my web page for the first time in months and updated my “services offered” to describe my availability as a part-time freelancer.

Right now I’m glad for the focus to distract me from family concerns that are weighing on me heavily and causing a lot of distress.

@Seek_Kolinahr mmmmmmmmmmm, looks good.

@Jeruba: We finally got everything out of Old Apartment by the end of Friday afternoon, so the weekend has been spent putting New Apartment together. Last night I got a hand putting my bed together and hanging curtains and pictures. My desk would be assembled too, except that I seem to have lost some tricky little bits called cross dowels and two hardware stores didn’t have the right size. One thing after another, this move.

Last week, I finally went to see my doctor, after two years’ avoidance due to lack of health insurance. Some basic lab tests had come back with not-so-good news, and he insisted I come in to be evaluated. Between that and some worrying new-ish symptoms, I am now scheduled for a list of tests as long as my arm, and will have to get more later. I might be looking at a Lupus diagnosis, which does not thrill me. I’ll get the testing taken care of this week, and see what is what. I’m glad to be focusing on my health again, but it’s all a bit stressful. I’ll be paying for all of this out-of-pocket, and that doesn’t thrill me, either.

On the plus side, I received my first official Fluther paycheck! I was able to pay some overdue bills, and look forward to whittling the rest of them down, little by little. I also took my girls back-to-school shopping this weeked, and we were able to get almost all of it done! Despite being in some pretty bad pain, I kept on going through two days of shopping. The girls got most of their supplies, some really cute clothes and shoes, and I even bought myself some new clothes (something I haven’t done in ages). All in all, a pretty big success.

This week: Starting a on the next issue of the newsletter, continue editing next interview, working on some new projects, taking care of many kid-related appointments, and getting a damn haircut. Finally. :)

@augustlan Good luck with all the testing. The eventual result will be the alleviation of pain, one hopes!

@augustlan I hate that shit about health insurance.

Auggie, I hope that all goes well with the testing.

Yay on the bit of coin coming in from Fluther!

Nice to see how all are doing. @janbb glad to see you are refreshed! I am not around these parts much lately, but adore checking up on the haps of this thread. I am a bit anxious about the transitions ahead for my family (my full-time school work and the children’s part-time schooling definitely shake things up a bit.) Yet I am mostly excited! Except for the part where we are considering cell phones for the children: cell phones! children! aaahhh!

@augustlan, good for you and taking care of your health.

I wrote a new song.

@JeanPaulSartre it may just be my computer, but your link doesn’t appear to work.

@TheOnlyNeffie Works for me, try again.

Nope.. I get a quicktime error. Must be me.

Quicktime is evil – you can right click my link and say “save target as” or “save link as” and save the song to your computer and play it there.

I had a wonderful day with my niece. And, I lost my voice from talking to her. I have never heard anyone talk that much. She’s seven.

Or you can stream it in that terrible MySpace thing… Linky

@JeanPaulSartre – I had a little trouble hearing the lyrics but the melody is haunting and beautiful and what I could make out of the words sounded haunting as well. Good job.

Thankyou @rooeytoo!

I fucking hate dating.

I can’t run for another 3–4 weeks, and my doctor said when I do start again, I can only run 1 mile at a time, 2–3x/week.

On the other hand, work is going great.

@nikipedia: I hate dating too. I got dumped two days ago because he was falling for me. I may have missed something.. but I thought that was the point.

This week…. back to teaching.
I’m working with a very quiet class of high schoolers on English Literature, and it’s tough for them. It’s the end of the summer, it’s two and a half hours long, and some days the lessons feel really long.

So it’s been a challenge this week. I’m been trying all sorts of ways to wake the class up, from buzzers and games to… surprisingly enough, just spending time with them on their homework (there are six of them). One thing that has been amazing is the homework submission rate – they go home and write an essay for me every day. I don’t know how they do it—if it was me I’d be rebelling trying to make the most of my summer before school starts. But the other day, just going carefully through their homework, I developed an amazing rapport. I guess I forget that receiving critique can be an intimate, affirming act, and the feeling of trust that emerged from that was, amazing. I’d finally broken through to some of the previously more quiet kids.

Yesterday we had a fun beginning- games always engage them; but then I pushed them hard, making them revise their essays, and forcing them to be very rigorous with writing thesis. I want to impart to them: it’s not easy, but hang in there…

I can do it. I can win them over… step by step.
Incidentally, the other class I’m teaching is a breeze. The students there have just handed me their heart. They’re so ready to take on the world, it’s energising working with them.

@nikipedia – was it you who asked about swimming? I swim laps when I can’t run, are you allowed to do that? It is almost as good as running, I love the way my body goes through the water. Also bicycling is fun, especially off road, I am not fond of riding on the street but on trails is great. And last is rowing, on a machine if you can’t get on the water, but on the water is best.

I hated dating too, I met my mate on the internet in a chat room about 15 years ago. I knew his soul before I knew his face or any other body part, it was a good way for me who was never really good at finding the good guys in real life.

@nikipedia, @poofandmook, the frustrations and uncertainties of that time of life are something I think of whenever I catch myself wondering if it wouldn’t be nice to be young again. Not that I have a choice about that. But I still remember it too well to miss it. One day that should all be behind you. Best wishes.

@augustlan, I can relate to that story too. The wonder and relief in finally landing somewhere safe, financially speaking, and being able to breathe once again after so long. I’m just so happy for you, even though your health problems are worrisome. I so hope it’s not Lupus—but it’s best to know.

That weird rush freelance job is stalled on the sending end. I did one day’s work and am now in wait mode for the rest to come in. Meanwhile it’s back to the regular light-duty jobs. I find that I like having just a little structure, just the amount that a few hours’ work a week provides, while keeping most of my time free. The family problems have lightened up a little bit, too. A so-so report, then, but it could have been a whole lot worse.

I’ve decided to come back to Fluther after having a bout of the crazies. Of course I’m still crazy but there’s crazy crazy and then there’s craazy crazy.

Welcome back, @SeventhSense. You were missed: see here.

@Jeruba
It’s nice to be thought about. Thank you.

In other news my younger brother was arrested for dealing drugs to an undercover cop. It was some pills but they wanted to get him on a larger charge so it was over a period of time. He was just supporting his habit and he was actually going to go into rehab but never made it. This had happened months ago so it still would have caught up with him even if he had. He’s facing a class A Felony and is to be arraigned. His life has been tragic for the past 5 years or so and there has been a steady progression and now he is facing mandatory jail time. I can’t even reach him anymore and he’s my little brother. I can still picture his big blue eyes. He can’t handle jail. It will kill him. Say a prayer for him please.

I got to talk to his wife though and his three children and that was very good for us both. She had left him months earlier by necessity and is living with her mother. I have always had a strained relationship with her. That was due mainly to the strain with him though and it turned out we had much to talk about last night. It was good and it felt nice that I could support my two nieces and nephew and I am going to make a definite effort to see them often because they just cling to me when I visit and their mother says they need a male presence. Of course they are sweet kids so it’s really not an effort. It was actually surprising to talk to my sister in law and realize that there really wasn’t any bad blood between us except the toxic nature of my brother. The problem with the alcoholic/addcit is that they consume everyone and are not beyond talking ill or lying about others to cover their denial. He was always just playing me and her off each other.

Interesting enough with him “away” we were able to communicate honestly and it was fine. For the longest time I thought it was her keeping herself distant from my side of the family when it was more that he was keeping himself from his brothers. I should find out next week what he’s facing as far as time.

@SeventhSense I’m so glad you came back, especially back to this thread. I feel for your family situation. My younger half-brother is currently in prison for selling cocaine and firearms (including an AK47! What the hell?) to an undercover DEA agent. That was also over a period of months. He left behind a wife and two young children, too. Sometimes, there is just nothing we can do to help the ones we love. :(

@SeventhSense So glad you’re backand sorry about the shit going on.

@SeventhSense Yay, testosterone is back, everyone!

My gyno appointment/follow up after LEEP went okay this morning – I’m healing normally, so that’s good…the bleeding post-sex is scary sometimes but doc says that’s normal…I blame Alex’s penis ambition.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: glad everything is going smoothly though! maybe try some lube next time? lol

@poofandmook oh we tried, nothing helps.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: that SUCKS.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I do have a lot of… “ambition”...

hey – talk about the missing testosterone!

Dig In. We’re having Kielbasa and Rocky Mountain Oysters for dinner.

@SeventhSense: dude. Gross. LOL

@poofandmook
It’s good for your skin…he said

Just came back from the Cadillac House in Lexington, Mich., and I’m feeling no pain. It’s nice to not have to think of sad things for a while. Happy drunken Saturday, jellies!

========================= Sunday, August 22 =========================

My goals for this week are to complete the freelance job I’m working on, to make a dreaded phone call, and to get a bunch of clothes off to a donation center.

The past week has been more like a work week of old than anything I’ve done since last September. That’s not so bad, now that it’s optional, but I won’t be too quick to volunteer for the next one of these.

Looking forward to progress reports from others.

My “goals met” were mainly social ones this week but important never-the-less. I’ve been feeling that I’ve spent too much time in the virtual world this summer and needed to connect more with real friends. I had my boss/pal over for pizza one night, went to a musical reivew with friends another night and to the the beach twice with my best girlfriend. It was very rewarding. In addition, I finished my course prep for the Fall, bar the final tweaking and rereading the books prior to each class. A reading goal for this weel is to finish The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which I am reading for book club. Am I the only person in America who doesn’t find it compelling?

I met some of my goals for last week, but missed others. Still haven’t had my testing done (but will Monday or Tuesday), and my hair is still a wreck. Everything else was pretty good.

Up this week: Finalize the new ‘moderation handbook’, final draft of the next newsletter, begin training some new mods, get that testing and the haircut taken care of.

@augustlan Sounds like a busy week after the party time last week!

As for getting my sleeping schedule fixed, I think it’s well on its way to getting there.

The night before last I took a sleeping pill, which helped me sleep early, but I woke up several times during the night and ended up not being able to sleep after 3am.

Last night I took the same pill again and I ended up falling asleep at midnight and sleeping until nine or ten, and I slept the best that I have in years probably, so I’m happy about that.

Meanwhile, I also have my first day of school tomorrow, so hopefully that will go fine, I’m excited for some of my classes (I’m taking creative writing!) and not so excited for others. (I have math first thing in the morning ):)

I’m also really hoping that the creative writing class will get me to start writing again, I haven’t really written anything in a long time, and this will hopefully get me started on some new pieces of writing!

Congrats to everyone on their progress, you guys are doing great! :D

I secured a job interview for a local company on Tuesday. I did not expect to have interviews this quickly in this economy and am thinking this is a good sign that my skills are needed. Now to dust off the business suit from 1998. ;)

If hired it will take the downhill slide off our financial situation. I can still paint at night To meet the needs of the licensing manufacturers and take care of the kids. Sadly I won’t have much Fluther Internet time and I will miss it.

I am thinking positive as I do what I have to.

How are you all doing?

@Dog Good luck with the interview, I’m sure you’ll do great! (:

My son has a great first week at school and we are doing well with our school time routine. Another week down on our deployment and another week closer to seeing my husband once again.

@Dog, I hope your interview goes well.

@janbb, I finished that book two nights ago and am giving it a B+. More in PM so as not to divert the focus of this thread.

Hello progress thread! I’ve decided to come back to fluther after a 2-month long hiatus. A lot has happened to me in that time, including the complete dissolution of my relationship (culminating in an episode of violence in which my ex was arrested in early July), a 5-week long journey in Tanzania, and my grandmother’s passing two nights ago.

My current goal: stay happy. Actually, I think this should be my always goal.

I missed you!

@holden hey Holden! Great to have you back and glad that you are out of what seemed to be a not-good relationship. I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing.

I am feeling oddly upbeat this week for no special reason. Have gotten a lot of house projects moving which is a good feeling. Also, the cooler weather has helped with my energy level and personal relationships seem more in balance than they have been for a bit. Getting ready for back to school on September 7th.

@janbb oh, you perpetual scholar. I missed you most of all!

I’m feeling oddly detached from this thread lately but more tuned into the rest of Fluther – usually it’s the other way around.

My final is tonight and I’ve actually spent the last four hours studying. I’m not sure I’ve ever studied so hard in my life.

I met someone new… things are going really well. Like, really really well. I’ve said this once or twice in the past couple of months… but this one’s different. This one feels like the beginning of the last relationship I was in. Sure, that one blew up bigtime and I went absolutely nuts, but the issues that brought that one down aren’t anywhere in this equation! Yay! Trying to keep myself ground though, when all I feel like doing is floating.

I made 20K. Ooo, baby!

@jjmah Sings “And I think we can make it, if we try. One more time for all the old times…..”

My brother was arraigned today. They have him on video and audio of selling pills to an undercover cop and sixteen indictments over a period of like a year. The lawyer argued for leniency, good family and children, needs rehabilitation etc and managed to get the bail reduced to 25000 cash /50000 bond. I was expecting him to look destroyed but being off drugs for 2 weeks he actually gained a few pounds and maybe he needs a haircut. I think he’s kind of expecting someone to put up the bail but cash on hand in that amount does not look forthcoming and it’s seriously questionable if anyone wants to put a lien on their house. The thing is may take a year to get arraigned and he’d like to get out and go into rehab of course. But there’s almost a zero chance that he won’t do time because of these serious felony charges so the time he spends in jail before his arraignment will only count towards his sentence. He’s royally fucked no matter what he does. I’m actually glad I can’t help him with the bail because I might feel compelled to do something stupid and actually pay it. He’s got to learn and this is a “bitter pill” to swallow but it’s better than dead. At least now I know where he is.

A small but positive thing… I just took @Katawagrey for a follow-up at the oral surgeon, he was amazed at how well and quickly she’s healed! A combination of eating and sleeping lots, excellent health,and, of course, fabulous Mommy care!!!

Back again. I seem to have gotten lost when Part 9 started. J starts college next week. I’m back up to running 5K every other day, not trying for times as J needs to keep up with me (she’s a sprinter trying to convert to medium distance). I’m off the antidepressant meds altogether, J is the only antidepressant I need now. The cast is coming off in two weeks. Got a 96 on my historiography course, the first college course I’ve taken in 25 years. Signed up for the scary course for fall “Computer Research Methodology”. Thesis is plugging along; J is converting it from hand written to Word based, makes editing easier.

Our wedding plans are on track for sometime in November. The JP has no problem doing a double ceremony; one being a marriage, the other (Gen and Karen) being a “civil union”. Same ceremony, different paperwork. This may seem a bit macabre, but we’re planning to hold the ceremony at Meghan’s grave, we want her close to give her blessing.

On the agricultural front, we’re harvesting pepper and melons. Potato harvest starts next week. Apples and pears in a few more weeks.

I’ve been offered the post of Professor of Military Science (ROTC head) at a local state university. Told them I’ll think it over. It means full active duty pay, my medical profile means no deployments, just administrative headaches but I’d be freeing up an able bodied officer for field deployment. Apparently, mandatory retirement age is being waived right and left with current officer shortages.

@jjmah I hope your sister is doing better. Congrats again on 20K ((hugs))

@JilltheTooth You’re one fantastic Mommy!!

@augustlan I hope you get good news health wise.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Hoping you’re healing well now.

@holden Wecome back!

@Seek_Kolinahr Wishing you better luck tracking your Dad.

@nikipedia Take it easy with your recovery. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land : Just a quick comment on the wedding (BTW Yay to that!) Not at all macabre, but a lovely sentiment. I think that’s a wonderful idea!
And Wow, you have a lot going on!

@stranger_in_a_strange_land What a champ, damn!

I got a 95% on my final! Woot. Done. Now on to phlebotomy. YAAAAAY :P lol

@poofandmook Good for you! YAY!

I started to doing a new routine with my workout. It’s a very efective pull up push up body weight regimen and I’m getting in really good shape fast. I befriended a guy half my age in the gym who I observed doing this stuff and was quite impressed. I’m learning a lot but the guy acts like everyone is his pupil or something and it can be fine when he’s showing an impressive routine but can really get annoying when he imagines he knows something about everything. Twenty year old kids are sometimes like that. Cocky but completely clueless about what they don’t know.

Lately business sucks and I am praying that the economy improves but there is light on the horizon. My friend’s father is the CEO of a large NY hospital with many buildings. I may get the contract to do the window cleaning that would be quite lucrative. The director of maintenance basically expressed to me, on his behalf, that he was going to walk me through the various mid rise buildings and tell me the bids they are getting currently. That is basically a straight invitation to submit a slightly lower bid and the job is mine. This may just kick me to the next level.

@lifeflame
Nice pictures but too saturated. The colors are bright enough without enhancement.

I made it through the first week of school!

AP World homework has been a little difficult and tiring, but other than that, my first week has been great!

I’ve already written several pieces for my creative writing class, including a short narrative and a sonnet that I had to recite today in class, and I have to write a short children’s story due on Monday. I’m glad to finally be getting back into writing. :D

@poofandmook Good for you, that’s a wonderful score!
@holden Welcome back, glad to see you on here again! (:
@SeventhSense Sorry to hear about your brother, I hope everything turns out alright!
@stranger_in_a_strange_land Much congratulations on the running, wedding progress, school, the position offer, and getting off your meds! You’ve accomplished a lot! (:

Congratulations to everyone on their amazing progress! :D

@mangeons
Thanks for the support and for everyone else who has acknowledged me. I likewise need to acknowledge others in the thread but lately I’m just not up to it.

@SeventhSense Join the club.

yup..

@Simone_De_Beauvoir
That’s an artistic shot. It would make a nice painting.

Wow. I want your legs, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. Just wow.

@All that I’ve neglected recently, congratulations on all of your progress, and I hope that all of you that have been a bit down lately feel better soon.

Sorry I haven’t updated lately. School has been taking up the majority of my time already, and I have a feeling that I will unfortunately become even less active as the school year continues. However, I am happy to be back in school. As I found out this summer, I really need school or something else that keeps me occupied and motivated for me to be happy.
I have decided to stick with lifeguarding until the end of the season on Labor Day weekend since I won’t be working during the week because of school. I did barely manage to complete my summer assignment for AP Chemistry. I ended up having to fudge an essay on Napoleon’s Buttons, although since my essay was mostly about the failings of the novel, it wasn’t entirely false. I’m taking three AP classes this semester and three the next, so I’m in for a busy year. It’s been easy enough to handle thus far, but then again, it’s only the first week.
My schedule for this year is as follows: Semester One: English 11 Honors, Advanced Placement Psychology, AP Calculus A, AP Chemistry A. Semester Two: AP US History (blech), SSL (teacher aid), AP Calculus B, AP Chemistry B. I had hoped to also take AP Language and Comprehension, but I was unable to fit it into my schedule. So far, I really like AP Psychology and AP Chemistry, but I have bad teachers for English and AP Calculus. I am also finding that I am already getting frustrated having to redo so much in calculus (at a slower pace than before, no less) which as some of you know, I had to drop last year (at the higher level, AB/BC). I’m starting to wonder if I made the wrong choice by deciding to try it again at the lower level, but I suppose that I won’t ever know the answer to that really. Hopefully the good things will stay good, and the bad will improve.

@Seek_Kolinahr: I know, right?

@poofandmook @Seek_Kolinahr @SeventhSense Thanks – this comes at a good time, feeling quite low about my body. Thank you.

I’m having a bit of time to breathe this weekend. I have decided that I can only give so much of myself to a certain member in my family. I really have to not let it get to me so much. If you don’t take care of yourself, you aren’t any good to others, right?

@jjmah Absolutely.

@Fly If you need any calculus help, I’d be glad to give it a try. I’m tutoring my fiance at about that same level right now.
@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’ll add my respectful wolf-whistle to the others.

J got a call from the Sheriffs Dept yesterday, her concealed carry permit came through. She’s now a “pistol packin’ mama”.

@Fly
Very impressive. Work that brain.

========================= Sunday, August 29 =========================

Tomorrow is my last class in intaglio etching. I have done some pretty nice work.

Anyone want to come up and see them, hehehehe!

Hello everyone! It’s been such a long time since I posted on Fluther at all…I’ve been in a bit of dark place. I just wanted to say Hi and hopefully I’ll be returning to post some more as I’ve missed you all incredibly but have felt so overwhelmed every time I’ve come back and seen how much I’ve missed and it was too much.

Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well…I did catch strangerinastrangeland’s engagement! Congratulations gorgeous!! xxx Much love to everyone else and my apologies for missing the many achievements that have been posted xx

@lynneblundell We missed you! Welcome back!

I found a website where I think I can sell a bit of my crafts online. I’m going to see how that goes. Might help my mom with paying some bills, gas, etc.

Wecome back @lynneblundell – you were missed!

Looking back over the summer, I was quite down during the first month of it but since Maine, I have been feeling more energized and upbeat. A friendship that had soured has been renewed, I got my course prepped for the Fall (and the registration minimum is fulfilled), and got a number of house repairs project moving. The weather being so much better has helped a lot too with the energy level and we have had some nice summer fun in the last week. Yippeee!

@lynneblundell Welcome back! Thanks luv!

Thanks guys xxx

We planned. We visited colleges. We went all over the United States. She finally decided. She thought it was wonderful, a great college. We made two trips up driving 10 hours across the desert for orientation. She loved it.

She bragged about how she was heading out and would not be seeing us much. She spent months preparing.

We bought everything for her dorm.

This week, with her little sisters in tow (one being sick) we drove across the desert again. Helping her move in we realized how beautiful it was there. I only allowed myself one night to cry.

After leaving I texted her but tried not to hover. Her little sister got sicker so I took her to the doctor and then painted last minute deadline work in between cleaning up after the littlest throwing up.

The house has now disintegrated into a disaster. It will take me a few hours to right it again.

I texted the oldest goodnight as I have done every night.

She responded “Goodnight Mom ;)”

This morning I awoke to the littlest getting sick again. As I cleaned her up and contemplated buying her gatorade and how I was going to keep her antibiotics down I looked at my phone and saw another text placed at 4:54 this morning:

“I want to go home. I don’t like it”

Sigh

My sister is right near hitting rock bottom. She called me last night and told me that she is on the “verge of having a drinking problem”. Drinking to help deal with the pain (and sleep at night). My niece has R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder). She was adopted from China at 1, and has issues with attachment. Basically, she freaks out when my sister isn’t around. Sometimes to the point to where she physically hurts herself (rubs her feet together to the point to where they bruise and bleed). There is no way to console her when she is having one of her meltdowns. She lashes out at her Mom as well. She is in counselling, but, apparently ‘play therapy’ does nothing for children with R.A.D., so, my sister and I were talking and my sister is going to look into another therapist.

My sister has been dragging around a broken foot for the past month. Yes, I know that it sounds crazy, but, she still doesn’t have a walking cast for her foot. She keeps telling us that she is going to get it done, but, she doesn’t. She tells me that she has a script for a cast, but, I’m wondering if she is telling the truth and never did see a doctor. Her foot is so bad that if you press into the top of her foot, it leaves an indentation—that stays there for awhile. Pitting edema. So, I have decided to drive down tomorrow (she lives in another city) and take her to get her cast. I won’t come home until she has it. I don’t care if I have to drive around the city to find one.

Her husband is not supportive and their marriage is done. He is mentally and emotionally abusive now. She has no other support and relies on my one brother and I to help her. My Dad is 73 and she doesn’t want to burden him. We have a huge extended family who would do anything for her. They are my Mom’s sisters. If only my sister would open up to them; the help would be there. So, i said to myself, enough; I contacted my one Aunt. She was my Mom’s best friend, as well. She is my sister’s Godmother. And, I’m going to tell my Aunt everything. I need help in dealing with this. I can’t do it alone, and neither can my sister.

@jjmah I’m sorry to hear that – her daughter is not in a supportive environment, whatsoever and you sister does need help – you did the right thing by reaching out.

I am doing okay, continuing to heal post-LEEP, no more bleeding post-sex and it hurts less. I am continuing with very slow but steady weight-loss – it’s just sometimes I falter and eat lots of home made cookies…I blame Alex…they’re amazing. I am planning on buying a bike shortly so that I can increase my amount of exersize. Alex built a bike for himself and I’ve been using his and biking with Alexey around the block. I can see myself and our family become active bikers which is great and I can see myself biking instead of taking the subway to work one day, perhaps next spring.

Today, in the morning, I’ve had an incredibly fruitful and meaningful conversation with Alex about how we want to be with others and what we seek in encounters with others and it’s been hard to articulate to other people that I want to live in the moment with them, to experience intense conversation and a physical connection (but not one necessarily leading to sex) without having it all ‘be about something’. I had a post-tango hour or so with a friend (that I dance with) last night (morning, really) and it was interesting and confusing and I needed to talk it through with Alex and as I did so, I learned more about where I stand with interacting with people I’m interested in and I always get a high when I move my understanding of myself forward. It’s truly amazing to have Alex in my life as a partner but also as a confidante, a best friend who can tease out for me some issues and bounce ideas back to me.

@jjmah I’m sorry about everything your sister is going through. Have then looked into her daughters reactions being related to what’s going on at home with mom and dad (I’m guessing dad since it’s her husband)?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with Alex. I’m glad you are getting better post-LEEP.

As for me, my husband and I have been spending a lot of time talking about what we are going to do when he gets home from Iraq. He’s up for his last re-enlistment at the end of this year and we’re trying to figure out what’s best for our family (him staying in or getting out). He asked me about my dreams and goals and I realized that they have changed so much and I’m not really 100% sure what I want to do anymore. Before we got married, I had a plan. I was going to finish my BSN (which I did this summer) and then go on and become a Pediatric Oncology Nurse Practitioner. After working in the doctor’s office, I decided that the NP role isn’t one that I want. Now I don’t know where to go from here. I was thinking about a MSN focusing on nursing education so that I could teach nursing, but I’m not really sure that I’m ready for that yet. I really just want to be a nurse right now, but I feel like I’m suppose to do more. It seems like we have so many decisions to make in the near future and I really wish he was home so that we could just sit down and discuss them face to face. Instead, we have been trying to talk about them for a while and we keep getting cut off by the internet cutting out and random power failures over there.

@rooeytoo Ooh, pick me, pick me! I’ll come up (down) to see your etchings anytime. :)
@lynneblundell Welcome back girlie! Don’t worry about what you might’ve missed… just jump into the fray. It’ll be good for your soul!
@py_sue It’s so nice that you want to help your mom out. Good luck!
@janbb I’m so glad you’re feeling renewed!
@Dog Oh my. I hope the older one is just temporarily homesick and the younger one is feeling better!
@jjmah You’re doing the right thing, girlie. For both your sister and yourself!
@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m glad you seem to have found the perfect mate for yourself, and that you’re healing nicely!
@Seaofclouds It sounds like you’re going through a frustrating time, and I hope it all resolves itself quickly. As for what you want to do… try not to worry so much about what you should do with that degree. Do what will make you happy! Be the best damn nurse you can be. :)
@Fly That’s my girl. :D
————————————————-
I’ve finished initial training with four new mods! That took up the majority of my week, but they’re doing great so far. I finally got my lab work done on Friday (and got a huge discount since I had to pay out-of-pocket!), so I should have some kind of answers this week. In the week ahead, I’ll continue training the new mods, hopefully get the next interview posted to the blog, and continue to work on the newsletter. Oh, and maybe get some freakin’ laundry done and pay some bills! And get a damn haircut.

I want to state for record my reasons for departing. Some of this I know is my own fault; in my depressed state I revealed far too much about my personal life and relationships, mistakenly thinking that I was talking to friends.I admit my mistaken assumptions.

I now find myself under attack and blocked from making reply. When I attempt to explain things I’m called a liar by one and barred from communicating with another. My own question thread is highjacked by slander and I find myself blocked from replying to it.

My fiance has been urging me to leave the site, she’s extremely angry over the negative feedback on our engagement and to a polite question I asked on her behalf. I now reluctantly agree with her as I no longer feel welcome or comfortable here.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Did you not get my email? You are not blocked from replying to your question.

@augustlan Thank you for that. I know things will work out in time. :-)

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I had no clue that anything like that was going on, but know that you will be missed by some of us. You have to do what’s best for you though. I hope everything goes well for you.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir
Just stay away from augustlan’s rocket launcher and you’ll be fine. :)

<pew pew pew!>

^Doubles as Princess Lesb Leia

@augustlan Is rocket launcher a euphemism for something? Cause I’m in.

oy – I am so confused!

@janbb That’s okay, maybe you’re blossoming into your queer identity, :)~

II’ll elaborate. Another thread See Fiddle Playing Creole bastard’s statement. Of course I just found the poetry in the descriptor
Sometimes I can’t believe the work I do for this stuff

@SeventhSense Oooh, I didn’t see that q. Well thanks for the work.

Oh, no, @stranger_in_a_strange_land is gone? That’s such sad news! I had no idea he was being attacked for his lifestyle choices. Why would anyone want to do that? I am so sorry and hope he will reconsider.

In any setting there may be a few bad combinations, people who would do best to avoid each other, but that doesn’t have to mean everyone is hostile. I’m sure that’s not the case here. Stranger, do please think about whether you really must leave us altogether.

@Jeruba : I sent him a PM to that effect just before the account was gone…I sure hope he saw it!

I think I missed something… because I thought he just got engaged, to a woman, and they lived together… what the heck is there to be attacked for?

I’m sorry folks. Some people from other sites have fairly clear proof that he has fabricated much of his story. I haven’t seen all the evidence so I am loathe to say much, but it will be forthcoming via pms.

@poofandmook If you follow the threads, you will see what has raised questions about the story. It has been strange.

I don’t believe that a discussion of his (anyone’s) lifestyle belongs in this thread, which is about goals and progress, but let me just say that many flutherfolk have lifestyles that might seem strange or unnatural to others. Who are we to cast stones? Stranger has not, to my knowledge, been seen passing judgment on others. As for truthtelling, how do we know that about any of us?

I regret the loss of someone who has been a good contributor to our site and, so far as I know, harmed no one, whatever his private story may be.

@Jeruba: I agree on all points, but want to add that I do think that being a good citizen of a community involves being honest and forthcoming.

To bring the thread back on track….

I have been traveling unexpectedly for the past week visiting friends and family owing to my grandfather’s recent death and a complicated cat ownership issue. I landed in Durham, NC to hand off the cat, took a train to DC, and met up with my running partner who drove me around in MD and VA. My family behaved even more poorly than I expected and I ended up seeing very little of them while we were in town.

We next made our way up to Boston, stopping to get takeout in Queens and stay overnight in CT. Last night I got to see my best friend off as she got on a plane to move to Berlin, and, oddly, ran into the former roommate of one of my best friends in California.

Tonight I get to see one of my most significant intellectual mentors, who moved out here a couple months ago, and then tomorrow it’s off to Michigan for the last leg of the trip.

So, I have not gotten much (any) work done while I’ve been out of town. I have managed to pick up running short distances again without much pain, which is reassuring, and I seem to have lost endurance but not much speed—we set out to do an easy 2 miles in 20 minutes the other day and came in at about 18 and a half, much to my surprise.

Really need to start doing work again when I get home.

I started my first full-time semester this week. This week is a bit dicey since the children’s school doesn’t start until next week. Things feel a bit harried around here! Over the next two weeks it is my goal to find my daily rhythm. I started a few things a month ago and now it is time to put it all together! It is an amazing time for me. Six years ago I needed to put school aside to focus on family issues, it is amazing to see this day here.

I’m at a very difficult milestone – During my visit with my (formerly) estranged son, I discovered that his stroke erased all memory his previous 20 years, including the reason for the choice he made. He remembers nothing of his former wife or family, who he ran away from 20 years ago.

Now he wants to consider returning home. I and most of the family would welcome him with open arms, including the boys, who have no memory of their father. But what about the woman he wronged? She cannot forget the harm he caused her. She has been a loved, loving member of our family ever since day one. It’s a puzzle to me.

@YARNLADY Oh – what a dilemma! Have you spoken to her about it?

@janbb I haven’t spoken to her about it, the chance that he could return are very slim, as he is permanently disabled, and the social services in Sweden are much better than here.

In Sweden, they help disabled find jobs and pay them for re-training, plus provide housing and in-home rehabilitation/care as necessary. Swedish government is geared to getting them off disability and self-supporting, and they are willing to pay to get it done. The benefits are well coordinated, and not supplied through dozens of different, disjointed programs like they are here in the U.S.

I am very glad you got to see him at least.

@YARNLADY
That sounds like an amazing opportunity for you to express the highest ideals of being a mother. Although I’m sure his wife has other feelings. Her challenge I imagine will be to separate what’s best for her from what the children want or need from a father.

@YARNLADY I would only reiterate what seventhsense has said…true wisdom x all the best with this difficult situation xxx

I’ve just returned home from St. Louis which I visited to attend my grandmother’s funeral. I hadn’t been there in eight years. It was a good to see my relatives on my dad’s side again; based on my old impressions of them, I hadn’t thought I would enjoy them as much as I did.

@holden Nice!

@YARNLADY Best of luck with your son’s whole situation.

I got my test results back. Good news: It’s not Lupus. I can’t help but hear that in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice: “It’s not a toomah.” Also, my kidney function is still ok, so I get to start taking my pain meds again! So relieved. Bad news: Lots of weird auto-immune issues, but nothing to tie them all together. No overarching diagnosis. Weird news: My vitamin D level is so low it’s virtually undetectable. They gave me an Rx for 50,000 units of D, once a week. That’s a lot of D! Hopefully, it will make me feel better.

I got to meet @marinelife last night, which was fabulous. Still haven’t gotten a haircut.

@augustlan I was surprised your hair was so long, but I liked it! Now, I have met two Flutherites in real life! Two down, thousands to go.

@augustlan yay! Chalk another one up to Dr. House – It’s never Lupus.

Here’s to less pain, and an awesome haircut to come.

Very small progress here, more Karmic than anything else. I have a small container garden on my deck that squirrels constantly attempt to destroy. Yesterday I saw a squirrel pluck a ripe pepper and start to eat it. He suddenly dropped it and frantically wiped his face and mouth, jumped off the deck, kept up with the mouth-wiping. Guess he didn’t read the little tab that said: “Long Red Cayenne”. I was meanly delighted… XD

@JilltheTooth Funny.

@augustlan and @marinelife sooo jealous!!! but I’m sure we’ll meet someday…hopefully!! xx
@JilltheTooth hee hee…love that…love a little anthropomorphism! xx

I begun clearing out my spare room the other day to get it ready to turn into my art room…and I didn’t have a problem with not getting it all done in one go… little steps are making me smile!! I also refused to go to a party that my family have been trying to guilt me into going to and I stood up to them three times and am having an evening at home on a friday…all alone…and it feels gooooood!!! :-)

Go @lynneblundell!

@lynneblundell : Wow. Standing up to family takes enormous fortitude, good job! It took a few years of therapy before I could do that without feeling physically ill. Enjoy your evening!
And re: the squirrel, he really did rub at his face and mouth…a terrific laugh on that! He looked like a CG cartoon, wish I’d had a vid cam!

@JilltheTooth: I feel supremely bad for the poor little guy :(

@poofandmook : It was only one bite, and hopefully he learned that that pot is not a good source of nutrition. I refuse to feel guilty for squirrel folly! :-P

Hubby is home early due to the holiday. I didn’t even realize there was a holiday. We’ve had the boys the last three days because their Mom is sick, so it’s pretty noisy around here.

With the temps in the high 90’s – over 100 today – they are stuck in the house. Thank goodness I have a family room, playroom, and covered, air conditioned patio, also known as a California room.

===============Sunday, September 5============================

I drove up to my son’s house yesterday for his birthday celebration. I am quite phobic about driving on major roads and long distances so it was quite an accomplishment for me. I want to be able to do the drive on my own for the times when I want or need to go without my husband. My son will be 30 tomorrow!

In other news, the summer of janbb is almost over as I start back at work on Tuesday. Library three days a week and the lit course starts on September 24 for three sessions. I am ready to be busier with work again; I ruminate too much when I have too much free time.

I have an immense amount of work to do over the next six weeks: I have a philosophy paper to read, set an essay question for myself on it and write an essay, revise for an exam in six weeks and start a psychology course in four weeks time. I’d also really really like to get round to doing some painting!! sigh no motivation today and have eaten lots and lots…However, Theo is back in nursery tomorrow after the summer holidays and I’m going to get stuck in…back to the healthy diet too..everyone’s allowed a blip aren’t they :-/ ???

I’m with you all the way @janbb I too ruminate too much when not in the full swing of routine and focused. Good luck for Tuesday..I hope it’s enjoyable xx Well done for the driving!! I have to drive into Manchester for my tutorials (of which I had one yesterday) and have to traverse some fairly complicated motorway junctions, changing lanes, criss crossing traffic at high speed…not good for the nervous system!!!

Constant rumination is not good (unless of course you are a cow!), so I agree with you both.

Nothing much new here, same old same old and that’s not too bad for a while anyhow.

Well, I made it through lifeguarding. Today was my last day, and I can now say that I did it. I’ve earned about $430 and I am officially a thousandaire (well, I will be when I get the rest of my paychecks). However, I do not intend to lifeguard again. Not only is lifeguarding itself just not the ideal job for me, but in addition, the company that I worked for handled themselves very unprofessionally.
School has been going well so far, not much to update as far as that goes.
Other than school and work, I haven’t had much going on lately, so I guess that’s about it. I suppose my next goal should be to try to get a life!

@Fly I knew you could make it! So proud of you, girlie. ♥

@Fly You have a life. You are living it.

I have started my research for my last essay and it’s turning out to be not that scary at all…and I actually have an idea of what I’m doing! Yay!...now I have ten more minutes limited time on Fluther and must go and get crackin!! love you all!!

I bought some painting supplies today and actually started my next painting. It’s not going quite as planned but I’m keeping an open mind! I’m sure it will, as it always does…take on a life of its own!

@lynneblundell Enjoy the process.

I am very glad to be back at work; there’s nothing like it to add meaning to life. Today was particularly good as I was training a new librarian who was smart and enthusiastic. We had a busy reference shift with computers breaking, lost students, etc. and it was fun coping with it together. I am having trouble getting enough sleep but hopefully that will improve.

Tonight is the start of Rosh HaShanah – the Jewish New Year – so I wish all of you a healthy, productive and particularly sweet year.

@janbb The same back to you!

I might be getting a job soon after almost two and a half years of unemployment. I went to the pharmacy in town to ask the pharamcist a question about school because she used to teach at the program I’m in now. She asked my name and said that she was looking at applications right now and that she might give me a call in the future. I wasn’t fishing for work or anything so it’s something. I don’t want to get my hopes up by getting too excited, but it’s progress so I’m calling it. :)

@janbb I used to want to work in a library..indeed I once applied for a job in a library, but I guess that wasn’t my destiny. Glad you’re enjoying work, you sound like a saviour! xx
@py_sue great news! hope you get the job! xx

I’ve had an extremely short school week this week, lots of days off.

Monday there was no school because of Labor Day, Tuesday I didn’t go because I was sick, I went yesterday, there’s no school today because of Rosh Hashanah, and then we have school tomorrow.

I’m still sick, so I’m kind of using today to just hang around the house and try to feel better.

In other news, my room is looking a lot better! My dad finally took my bed out of my room, which I’ve been begging him to do for years. I now have just a matress on my floor to sleep on, instead of the floor. It will be my choice whether I want to get a real bed or not, and I’m not sure at the moment.

I rearranged some furniture and cleaned up a bit so that my room looks a lot bigger and cleaner now, which I’m happy about.

Kudos to everyone on their progress, I’m proud of you guys for doing so great! :D

@mangeons Do you get Rosh Hashanah off, or are you Jewish? I don’t remember that being a day off when I went to school…

@Seek_Kolinahr It often depends on how many Jewish students and/or Jewish teachers are in the district around here. Some of our local schools close and some don’t.

@Seek_Kolinahr Well we are Jewish sort of, but our county includes Rosh Hashanah as a day off. We also get Yom Kippur off, I believe.
Then again, our schools are also off for Fair Day, so we’re not really a good representation of the rest of the country.

@mangeons: I sleep on a futon on the floor and I gotta tell ya, I find it much superior to sleeping on a real bed. You can literally roll out of bed.

Did we all forget about this at once, or is there a new thread that I don’t see a link to?

I think there is a lack of interest in this thread at the mo.

I haven’t had anything going on recently. Now that I’m finished school and my son has a broken arm, we aren’t doing much. He was suppose to play soccer, but now he isn’t allowed to. I have to find something else for us to do this fall.

My husband and I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary at his Mom’s house in San Diego. We flew our son and his wife down, and the whole family got together for a catered feast.

Happy Anniversary @YARNLADY!

Well, as people have probably seen on another thread, I got 92% for my penultimate essay, which was brilliant and has given me a boost. However, I still must finish the last essay…hopefully today and then get on with some revision. Having my next course start in two weeks as well I’m under the pressure at the moment and at times panicking a little about it! I’ve started eating a little bit better and being kinder to myself. I do feel rather unfulfilled at the moment though as a lot of my time is either spent studying or being a mum and I feel that there are so many other facets to being human that need stimulation…but hard to find the time! I guess I need to try and figure out what I need to get some more balance and then how to go about getting that!...

@YARNLADY happy anniversary honey!! x

@janbb yes, it does seem to have gone off the boil doesn’t it… I know I often rely on people keep posting so that I look at it in my activity and then post my updates but I’ve not seen it for a while… is there anyway you can make threads ‘favourites’ – perhaps something to think about. I know I could use the search option I guess!! and not be so darn lazy!! but I do tend to forget which number thread we’re on…and then it takes more time…

@KatawaGrey most of my childhood I spent sleeping on mattresses (by choice!) I loved it…rolling out of bed! lol xx Unfortunately though my mum and dad bought me a really expensive bed when I got pregnant and can’t bring myself to get rid of it…least of all because the mattress is just amazing!!

Can anyone tell that I’m seriously avoiding the essay this morning?? ...hmmm better get onto it!! lol

=============== Sunday-ish, Sept. 20, 2010 ===============

I’ve got ½ of the girls’ bedroom painted, and will finish the other half this week. Hopefully, I’ll get the decorative stripe painted, too, before shrubbery comes for her visit! I managed to pay off one property tax bill, and hope to have the other paid off in about two weeks. Halfway to saving my house! These are last year’s tax bills, and I’ve already got this year’s in my ‘to pay’ pile. Sigh. Oh, well… little by little, we’re digging ourselves out of our financial hole. Work is going well, and my favorite new thing is posting a Question of the Day on Fluther’s facebook page. :)

WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Fluther has a Facebook page??? :-O hmmm but if I join it though…all my friends and family will see that I’m part of this wonderful secret society called Fluther….and it’s mine…all mine…

We do! You can find it here.

I poseted this on the “something great” thread too but it’s pretty improtant to me. After a sleepless night, I think I’m on the cusp of some realizations and personal growth.

@Seaofclouds Good luck on finding another project!
@YARNLADY 35! That’s awesome, congrats.
@nebule Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on, and it’s crazy hard to find time for yourself in those times. Good luck!
@augustlan Yay for progress toward financial positiveness!

I finished up my new 5-track EP over the weekend. Still a little edit work to be done, but basically all set.

Oh and I gather, from all my fluther inbox activity, that I crested 5K ;)

I didn’t realize how exciting having a new name would be actually…. nominative determinism and all that jazz… it’s really making me feel rather giddy!

…that and the fact that I’ve sent my final essay off tonight! :-) However, that was before I realised that I done a hefty amount of my referencing wrong and am going to have to go back through it all tomorrow!! <ugh> This has never happened to me before! Oh well, I’m just glad I realised before the final submission date…so I can sort it tomorrow and resubmit… see…finding the joy and positive in everything!

@janbb do you want to share further? If no…no worries…just thought you might?

@JeanPaulSartre congratulations on the 5K!! xxx love and hugs and sparkly dust xx

@augustlan I think I’m going to be a silent lurker on the Fluther page so as not to attract any unwanted attention! ;-) xxxx

@nebule Oh – in broad brush terms that I’ve got to work more on reconnecting with significant others and also getting some more meaningful activities to fill my life. I called the college’s Center for Holocaust Studies and Genocide Reduction today – where I had been a Board member before – to talk about volunteering to do some writing or library work for them. And I want to study French again somehow. It is too easy to connect online and sometimes one needs to refocus on RL.

This is true sweetie xxx Good for you!! You are as much of gift to the real life world as you are to us…There’s probably a lesson in there for me too x

That made my night and it’s been a kinda low one so thank you, Lynne. By the way, I’m sure all my English relatives on FB must think you’re some long lost cousin they don’t know about. (Maybe you are?)

ah, I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling low! have some of my sparkly dust…there’s plenty xxx Maybe we are long lost cousins!! you never know!! xxx Sleep well and dream nice angel (when it’s your bedtime of course!...it’s mine now x) xx

@nebule I love the new name!

Well, I haven’t been wanting to post much because of how much anxiety I’m feeling around the near future and not being able to pay for Ark’s schooling since Alex isn’t able to find work so I’ll just say that and that I don’t want to talk about it.

In other news, I began a couple of my PhD applications and am slowly getting all the necessary paperwork along (of which there is a lot) and need to finish writing my personal statement (which shouldn’t be hard) and start on my academic interests statement (which should be).

I haven’t been eating well so am gaining weight again which bothers me, immensely, but I know what I need to do, as usual, to get myself back on track…I’m just not doing it.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Guess we’ve all been in kind of a slump and that’s why not much “progress” has been reported.

My stress has gone down a hell of a lot.

@janbb I agree.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir thank you sweetie x Money issues are a real challenge and I hope things get better soon xx Good luck with the academia…I’m sure you’ll do great! and the never ending battle of the bulge is with us all my loveliness xx hugs and love x

Had a really good counselling session today, I feel like I’m really getting somewhere. Although I am still dealing with the problematic family issues I’m beginning to allow myself to feel and more importantly be aware of what I’m feeling rather than ‘shove it down’. I’m finally getting to a place where I can say it’s ok to feel like this and respect myself |-)

Well I recovered from blood clots in my lungs and the resultant hospitalization enough to return to work full time this week. Classes have begun and I am pretty much staying on top of the assignments. Weight is awful. I’ve been doing better at reaching out to people and spending time with loved ones. I’ve decided to discuss a local doctoral program with the department head to see if it’s a good fit for me/I’m a good fit for it. Since I’ll be done with my Masters next summer, I would only need to complete 1 year of classes full-time, followed by 4+ years of research/TAing. I had thought that I would be done with school after my Masters once I got married so that I could focus on having more kiddos, but with the job market and the possibility of only 1 additional year of classes… I’m hopeful that I can do both.

Goals:
– join weight loss “competition” at work with coworker
– keep up with school work
– spend a few minutes each day doing something I love
– email department head to discuss PhD

Today I had my first “progress” meeting of my grad school career. My adviser and the rest of my committee signed off that I have made satisfactory progress. I asked for a deadline for my next milestone, so now I am set to advance to candidacy in March 2011. I’ve begun work on a collaboration that I’m really excited about, my adviser gave me permission to start the next project I’ve had in mind, the paper I’m co-authoring is well underway, and classes start next week. Work-wise, things could not be better.

I am still not back in running shape. After recovering from tendinitis in my right foot, I immediately developed a pretty bad case in my left foot. So I have promised myself not to run a step until the charity 5K I am running on Sunday to raise money for breast cancer research and awareness. Hopefully by then I will be more or less recovered and can start planning for my next race.

Dating is still confusing. I had pretty much made up my mind to stop seeing this guy, and now he’s being awesome and I’ve lost all resolve. So maybe he’ll do something horrible and everything will be solved. Or something.

@nikipedia Congratulations, truly!

I got the pic in my current avatar tattooed on me.

@Cupcake Blood clots in your lungs sounds scary! So glad you’ve recovered and are back in school.

Thanks @augustlan. It was an awful ordeal. I was humbled to be headed towards death and make it back to health… which makes the current blood thinners and frequent blood draws completely tolerable.

@Cupcake Glad you’re recovered and doing well xx

@nikipedia Enjoy the awesomeness of dating! Good to hear he is nice x and I take my hat off to anyone who runs! x

I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor tomorrow to talk about Lap Band, and I’ve decided to cancel it and give it one more go the natural way… willpower. If I fail again, I am going to see him about it. But for now I’m going to give it one more shot.

Also, my new relationship is fabulous. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and mostly because I thought I’d never love someone that way ever again after the last one, but I’m learning that I can, and I will. I feel good about myself, I’m making fast and wonderful friends, and I’m going out and having fun. I’m having a LIFE and it’s socially and financially healthy. First time ever. Woot!

My munchkin got his cast off today! Now he has to work on straightening his arm.

Yay @poofandmook!! I’m so happy for you!

My house is clean. My outfit is laid out on my bed (along with all the accessories to go with it). I baked 4 dozen cookies and have a batch of brownies cooling. All I need now is a phone call with flight information…

I’m feeling very impatient.

Today I took the GRE diagnostic exam since my Kaplan Prep course begins next week – I am much stronger in verbal than in math (which is the reverse of how it was when I took the SATs) but that’s only because I need to remember a couple of trig formulas and test tricks. Anyhow, I didn’t feel much anxiety, was able to comfortably get through the exam and I feel that I will do well on it, once the prep course is over. Just another step towards grad school.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – stronger in verbal, well that’s cuz you’re female (heheheh J/K but ducking just in case!)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir well done on the exam!

I have maybe found someone to transfer the contents of my old hard drive to my current computer. It has all of my fiction writing files on it.

@rooeytoo Nope, I was always stronger in math because I did half my schooling in Russia and am therefore better than all genders of same age at math here in the U.S. – I just don’t remember formulas from high school and once I do, I’ll be stronger in math than in verbal…just glad that my verbal got so much better over the years.
Thanks @nebule

I have flight information and am on my way to the airport! I’m so excited right now! My husband will be in my arms in just a little bit longer!

We won’t be seeing @Seaofclouds around here for a while. :-)

Woo hoo!! Snaps for @Seaofclouds and hubby!

My class went great! I wonder how many times that will have to happen before the anxiety beforehand lessens.

I’m glad it’s going so well. I found another present for you. ^_^

Thank you (and if I could give you free health insurance, I would.)

These few weeks been busy with the beginning of term; and the beginning of a workshop series with the elderly around issues of life and death. But all these will have to be mentally set aside for the coming week… production week… as I prepare for a performance the coming Sunday 3/10. Even though it’‘s only a workshop showing, it’s a monologue I’ve been working on for a while now, and I’m really eager to share the journey I’ve gone through. It’s a challenging part too, Jocasta, the mother of Oedipus!! ...

I love production week.. it’s really a chance to focus on one thing, take care of myself so that I am in peak condition for performance.

Break a leg, @lifeflame!

My son and adult grandson just returned from a week long trip, safe and sound. They went from California to South Dakota to pick retrieve the belongings of an elderly lady who has been paying storage for three years.

The rumor was that her daughter had already cleaned her out, which would have been a travesty, but turned out to be false. Her stuff filled a 17 foot U Haul plus a trailer. I hope this doesn’t mean she can now die in peace, but rather she will become energized and live a more productive life.

As mentioned above, I was very happy after teaching a successful class on The House of Mirth on Friday. And we just came back from an overnight visit with Jake and his loyal retainers. The relationship with my son and daughter-in-law is getting richer and richer since they have returned from France.

Progress:
– join weight loss “competition” at work with coworker: I downloaded the forms and am handing them in tomorrow.
– keep up with school work: I’m doing OK. I have some reading to catch up on, which I will do this week.
– spend a few minutes each day doing something I love: I’m doing better at this. I am trying to focus on gratitude and enjoying the little things. Plus, I’m reading a book for fun!
– email department head to discuss PhD: I emailed her! The last time I met with her (years ago) I left her office crying. It took a lot of courage, but I emailed her and look forward to hearing back.

Goals for this week are:
– turn in the forms to join the weight loss competition at work.
– catch up with reading and start studying for a midterm.
– finish my “fun” reading book.
– find some alone time to spend with my son.

Progress -

Managing to stay under my self-imposed diet rules (as suggested by the American Surgical society or something like that). Oh. My. God, has food become boring. For the first time in my life, I don’t look forward to cooking. Still, I managed to have a dinner out with the family at Steak N Shake (my husband loves the place, and kids eat free on the weekends) without breaking any rules. Though, I did learn that bread isn’t nice to my tummy either. One more thing. * eyeroll *

Little man has learned how to climb out of his crib. Time to convert to toddler bed. This should be entertaining. ^_^

Goals:
Find some good lowfat and vegan cookbooks. I am not completely disallowed animal flesh, but red meat is out, pork is out (not that I’m a fan anyway), dark poultry is out, and all dairy products and eggs are out. It might just be easier to go vegan with the odd bit of fish added in.

Also – buy some shoes. My puppy has eaten my last pair of good boots. I’m down to three pairs of $5 Walmart flats, and two of those have tooth-marks in them.

Back on track w/weight loss.

secretly really happy that @Seek_Kolinahr is eating fewer animals :)

@nikipedia I’d be a whole happier if I were doing it of my own will, and not the horrific fear of my internal organs spontaneously exploding.

Progress: walking a mile every day last week. I resolve to keep it up.

I finished up my EP Finding A Middle!

My creative writing class really has gotten me to enjoy writing more again. I’m working on a murder mystery and I’ve already written twelve pages, even though the minimum was only 4–6. I’m still working on it, and it’s due tomorrow. I’m really enjoying writing it, and I’m starting to rediscover my love of writing stories. :D

Great, @mangeons!

I finally finished my story after working on it for hours yesterday, it ended up being twenty pages double spaced. It was a lot of extra work, but I enjoyed writing it and I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out!

I started writing my resume to look for additional work.

I’ve been sick, sick, sick all week and have gotten next to nothing done. The aussies may arrive to a half-painted room, full of germs! I hope I’m on the mend.

@augustlan : Oh, Sweetie, feel better soon! The Aussies won’t care, they’ll just be glad to see you, red, runny nose and all!

I have an appointment with the department chair to discuss the PhD program tomorrow!!! My boss thinks they will accept me without problem… but I’m trying to not get my hopes up too high.

All I can say is that I’m extremely overwhelmed, much more than usual and I’m nearing a nervous breakdown. In other strange news, a higher-up boss of mine (behind closed doors) offered me an opportunity to take a job that would be a quadruple promotion – I was flattered because I’d never even consider it and she said they needed ‘a visionary with my personality’ but told Alex to instead apply for the job because his experience fits better.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Take a deep breath. Do not have a nervous breakdown. Can you tale anything off of your plate right now? {{{Hugs}}}

@marinelife As I’ve told @mama_cakes, I have tried telling others about what’s happening with me and they all just nod and say ‘yes, I’m going through this too.’...no, they’re not.

Hang on for dear life, Simone. <3

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: We’re here for you!

Remember to take care of yourself, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. Like @marinelife said “take a deep breath”. You’ll make it!! xo

Thanks everyone…I had a long talk with my supervisor today and the two of us are truly the blind leading the blind – she’s just as overwhelmed and she came back from burying her mother yesterday who died last Sunday so I couldn’t put too much of my own problems on her but there are things, work related and otherwise, that must be addressed ASAP (not to mention how I want to meet w/her outside of work to discuss my recommendation for graduate school and to come out, I guess, to her about my sexuality and gender identity – scared shitless, btw) and we took 3 hours to talk about a lot of things leading us nowhere…we all feel unsupported, really, and no one can do this job of mine and no one should have to go through what I go through and the pressures I face. I told her about the promotion our boss suggested and she also thought it’d be better for Alex to take because she doesn’t want to lose me in Brooklyn…I have to talk to our supervisor about it later today and let her know I’m unsure, even if flattered…I don’t know what the right thing to do is…I might apply for this job, after all…it’s a huge responsibility, I’d be managing 16 people, working in White Plains and responsible for the entire Eastern Division which includes 20 or so office like ours in Brooklyn…

Aside from that, the supervisor’s partner is a hero of mine and I just bought her book ‘Brain Storm’ (a book I would have loved to write myself) and need to get her cell number so that I can get her to come speak for our budding new organization (that I, with a couple of other queer activists in NYC, are steering) in November…life has a way of convoluting everything for me…this person, this author is my future, her work, her coursework is what I want to do after I finish here at the American Cancer Society…it’s all intimately connected, bordering on inappropriate, really…

Anyway, Alex built a bed for one of my patients this week and we carried it through two train transfers and half of Brooklyn yesterday and got it to their home and put it together…I am so thankful to Alex for being such a kind being and doing this…

Finished my resume and actually applied for the job I had seen.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir ; I keep hitting the lurve button, but it only registers “1”. Somebody needs to fix that. Anyway, I’m trying!

@JilltheTooth LOL, :) – you made me smile!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I love you. I’m glad that you got to have such a long chat with your supervisor this morning about everything.

@JeanPaulSartre You, I love!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! That’s nice.

I met with the director of the doctoral program I’m interested in today. She said that while she couldn’t promise anything today, I am a very strong candidate. She also said that the program sounded like a good fit for my interests, skills and experience.

Yay!!! I’m applying to be Dr. Cupcake!!! :)

@Cupcake Awesome! We can be Dr. Cupcake and Dr. Simone together!

Yay! And some of the best news is that I don’t have to take the GRE! They’ll accept my scores that expire this November (I just have to have them sent well before that!).

P.S. @Simone_De_Beauvoir I think you’ll be a fantabulous sociologist/professor/researcher. I would pay to take your class (and maybe someday I will… but I’m about 6–7 hours away from NYC).

@Cupcake Boo, I have to take the GRE
Thank you! You can come and sit it, audit it, you know..and maybe someday I’ll be making rounds.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Maybe we’ll come up with a joint sociology/epidemiology collaboration. sorry about the GRE. It sucks.

@Cupcake I am going to kick its ass, I promise
I think we should, obviously. Btw, this is exactly how it all sometimes goes down – you have friends beginning their graduate work talk and get together and continue to stay connected and later on, we’re players in the field and support each other professionally.

Congrats on your milestones, future grad students :) If I can give any grad student advice, hit me up. I used to teach GRE classes!

I lurve all of you guys. Just sayin’.

I’m still sick. Sick-er, even. I ended up having to cancel my whole weekend’s plans of having @shrubbery and her friend stay at my house and hosting a jelly meet-up. The great news is that several good people offered to help with this situation, and @marinelife was able to open her house to the Aussies. You all mean the world to me, just so you know.

Good to read that you’re all doing well! Obviously apart from @augustlan being sick sick sick…poor you xxx love and lots of hugs and light xxx

I’me nearly at the end of my first weeks revision (2 more to go before the exam) and feeling OK about it, but boy is it hard work! I even forced myself to do a mock question yesterday, which I didn’t think went tooo badly :-/

I’m piling on the weight but emphatically NOT giving myself a hard time about it as I have enough on my plate at the moment (big achievement!) I’ll lose it after the exam!

I’ve also gotten over squabble I had on Fluther earlier in the week and feeling much brighter having risen above it x Thanks to those who helped me xxx love you xx

Got two pairs of shoes today – a pair of trainers and a pair of awesome strappy heels that somehow magically hide how bizarrely deformed my feet are. And it was Payless BOGO ½ off, so two pairs of shoes cost me $16.

Then some kids waylaid me in the mall for a survey on low-sodium peanut butter, and they paid me $8!

So, I hit a yard sale on the way home, scored a new-in-box food processor (I’ve been needing one) for $3, and some assorted clothes, scarves, and a picnic basket (who doesn’t need a picnic basket?) for $2.75.

And I still have a bit left over from the $20 I set out with this morning. Suh-weet.

In other news, tracked down two good cookbooks (one Weight Watchers, one Healthy Choice) that have nutrition facts for all the recipes. So far, haven’t run into any duds, though I think I ate too much of the salmon/yogurt dish last night, as the nausea came back. I guess my own personal fat allotment is considerably less than the 25 grams/day the infamous “they” recommend. Might be closer to ten or fifteen.

@All, congrats on all progress I have missed.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been very inactive lately, as I predicted. With school, homework, and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life, I just haven’t had the time or felt up to it. I’ve rarely been on the computer at all lately unless it was to write an essay, but I thought I’d give you guys an update.
School, while time-consuming, has been going well. I’m involved in student government and hoping to be accepted for the National Honors Society when I submit my application this coming Tuesday. The previous chapter of AP Chemistry was very challenging, so I’m just hoping that I’ll be able to handle it the whole year.

Well, after a lot of work put into it, my room has finally been cleaned, and so has my closet! It’s not completely spotless, but it’s as clean as it can get for the time being (plus, I’m not really a “spotless” kind of person), and I’m pretty proud of it. Since this has been my main goal since I started visiting these threads, it’s a huge accomplishment, and it took quite awhile. For the time being at least, I’ll consider this goal finally completed! :D

As far as school goes, I’ve been managing to keep my grades up to a decent level, maintaining a C in math, and A’s and B’s in all other classes, including AP World. I don’t have too much homework, and overall I’ve been doing pretty good!

I am working through my math GRE homework – a session was canceled last week so now all classes have been moved up – I had to reschedule my GRE exam and pay an extra $50, bah. I am noticing a couple of patterns after doing all the homework…that I make…and that lead me to answer the questions incorrectly…now that I’m aware of these patterns, I am doing better on quizzes, it seems…Next week will be even more hardcore in terms of studying but at the end of the week, it’s the Queer Tango Festival and I’m excited about that.

@mangeons Good job on the room and school, girlie. Oh, and HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY!

Love, Mom. ♥

GRE prep is making my life move even faster than usual and the lack of consistent yoga is leading me to be highly irritable. There have been random things happening (like Alexey falling down the stairs on Monday, he’s okay now) that affect my work week and then I have to be berated by ‘supervisors’ (they’re not my supervisors) who don’t understand that I work all the time even if they don’t see me consistently and that it is not their place to tell me how to better conduct my work. I had to cry in the bathroom a couple of times this week from the sheer overwhelming stress of everything in my life. There are good times here and there, mostly when I’m with Alex or the kids, but those times come at the expense of work or GRE prep. I realized that no one would be able to complete all of the work Kaplan expects you to do between classes but still try to and it gets to me if I can’t finish it. Somehow, yesterday, I managed to go shopping for 45 mins to get some work clothes and even that was done with guilt because I missed a chance to be with the kids, again. This month is tough all around and I have no free second to enjoy any of it. I’ll be glad when grad school applications are over.

@augustlan Thanks and thanks again, can’t wait to see you tomorrow! :D

Love, Daughter. ♥

Hang in there @Simone_De_Beauvoir. You are very capable and intelligent… plus grad school applications will all be in soon!

@Cupcake Thanks, there is another issue that just came up at work today (and this one’s really bad, can’t even discuss it here) that is making life crazy and my grandmother might have to be hospitalized so I’m thinking I’ve been jinxed.

I’m two days away from my exam and feeling more than nervous…still have time to do some more cramming though…I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that all the information comes flooding back… form where I’m not sure as I don’t have the slightest idea of it’s location at the moment! :-/ I’ve worked hard though up to now so I can’t do any more than that.

@nebule You’ll do awesome!

@nebule Try and get lots of sleep. That way you should be in the best position to think through your answers. Deep breaths. Tell us how it goes!!

I have completed my application other than my personal statement and I need 2 more letters of recommendation (1 of which needs to be from a faculty member). The problem is that I go to school part-time and haven’t had any professors more than once. The professors that I feel know me best (because of a much smaller class size) are not familiar with my analytical skills. I asked 2 professors for recommendations and 1 hasn’t written back and the other said that while he would write one, since he isn’t familiar with my analytical skills the letter would not be outstanding. My boss and another doctor I have done some analysis for should write outstanding letters… so maybe this faculty member is OK… but I’m stressed trying to figure out who to ask and am trying very hard to not feel like a loser.

I took a midterm exam last Thursday and am behind in homework for my other class (it’s not due until Monday but I’m sure to have questions and will need to ask them by Friday). My kiddo is turning 14 tomorrow, so I also have to find the time to clean the house and prepare dinner for 11 people. My husband is on a jury right now and it’s possible he’ll be sequestered tonight, leaving me alone to prepare for the party and do homework. Maybe I’ll have to take the day off work tomorrow.

@nebule I hope your exam goes well. Definitely get plenty of sleep the night before the exam and eat a good breakfast that morning of your exam!

As for me, my beta level was 2600 yesterday (up from 46 last Tuesday). We are rechecking the level tomorrow and getting an ultrasound on Friday! I can’t wait!

Yesterday, the most famous and amazing professor I will ever have told me I did a “terrific” job leading the class discussion, an assay that failed 3 times previously finally worked, I solved an annoying software problem, did some data analyses that were initially confusing but I think actually work in my favor, and ran three miles 100% pain-free! It was the best day I’ve had in a very long time!

Tonight I have a date with a guy who seems to actually like me, which is a nice change. Dragging my feet about breaking things off with another guy. Maybe by the next progress thread update…

I’m chugging along with the GRE prep – decided to hire my GRE professor as a professional to look over my personal statements so that those would be as strong as possible (aside from the fact that they matter more). I was able to get Brain Storm’s author to come speak at the Counterpublic Collective’s meeting in November and to later have coffee with me about the SMS program at Columbia (she’s a graduate of it). I only do yoga once a week, which sucks but with the weekends as full as they are (the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer is next Sunday), it’s impossible to do yoga on the weekend. Still managing tango once a week but that’s pretty much it.

@nikipedia That sounds like a winner of a day!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: How are the issues at work playing out? Are they easing up on your stress level a bit?

I took my PSAT this morning, and I think I did fairly well. It was pretty easy, so I’m hoping that I did well.

I’m considering taking part in NaNoWriMo if I can come up with a story idea as well.

@nikipedia That sounds like a fantastic day!
@nebule I’m sure you’ll do fine on your exam, no need to worry so much! Good luck!
@Simone_De_Beauvoir Good luck with everything that’s going on!

@poofandmook The big problem I mentioned isn’t resolved yet – things are up in the air, so to speak and we have to wait a couple of weeks to see how badly I’ll be affected. Otherwise, the new numbers for the year came out and of course they’re insane because the higher ups don’t know have a clue as to how many people are actually patients and are around and are willing to speak to me or that I do a lot more than they ‘count’. Anyway, it’s the usual hierarchical bs. And Thanks, @mangeons – I remember being pretty drunk before my PSATs or going through a break up or something, it wasn’t a good day.

Hello everyone, my exam didn’t go very well at all…the last of three essay questions I had to answer was awful; I totally screwed it up :o( and the first two answers weren’t brilliant either :o( So I’ve not be a very happy bunny at all but trying to stay stoical through the odd bout of tears x Thank you all for your support though and good wishes xxx

@nebule Have you received your grade yet? I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it’s not as bad as you fear.

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours shredding old crap documents. Phenomenally boring, that, but I made a dent, I’m about a third of the way down the pile. I really hate that job…

@augustlan I don’t find out until December 18th…so plenty of waiting to be done… I’m just going to try and forget about it and get on with my next course in psychology in the meantime.

@JilltheTooth well done on the shredding… I need to do some of that too :-/

One good effect of the shredding (which will continue in a few minutes); My back was so sore from the half-bending I was doing that I started up yoga again this AM. Tomorrow I will be in pain, but in a week or so I’ll be delighted with it.
@nebule ; Report on 12/19 so we can congratulate or commiserate! We’re pulling for you!

I am continuing with GRE prep, took my first computer text for practice, did okay, better than before. I’m more emotional lately (there is a lot attached to that but not much I want to discuss here) and so I’m thinking of upping my meds. I also need a different psychiatric provider, one who doesn’t invalidate my queer and gender non conforming identities. Speaking of the latter, I’m one of the 5 people on a panel tonight and I’m going to talk about being gender non conforming in a room full of activists, providers, friends and strangers. This, I suppose, is a big ‘coming out’ moment for me and I’ve been feeling really vulnerable about it and am nervous for tonight. Also, I like a person. A person from ‘real life’, not the internet, someone unexpected and I just don’t know where it will lead me. And that’s adding to a whole bunch of emotionality, so to speak, lately. Disscussing it all with Alex really helps and so does taking care of myself but there’s work to be done and I’m continuing to feel like life’s rushing ahead of me. I hate sounding so cryptic on here but everything’s raw and I need time to process.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Good luck with tonight; I know it feels hard but you’ll do great.

I feel like a cloud that has been on me since the summer is starting to lift and that I am accepting and integrating some of the ambivalences in my life better. And like @Simone_De_Beauvoir, I’ll keep the details cryptic.

@janbb Hell, at least that’s good news! Yay!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yup – sure is! I hope this feeling stays. I’ve been very roller-coastery of late which is not like me in recent years.

I don’t know if there’s a soul on this website who remembers me, seeing as how I disappeared completely pretty much as soon as I left for college (free time sort of went out the window). It feels weird to come back and immediately shit all over the progress thread about the last two months of my life, but I kind of need it right now. Hope you can forgive me.

Starting college has been really, really hard for me. It’s been hard enough dealing with all the normal things that normal people deal with when starting college – homesickness, the workload/stress levels, making new friends, all that jazz. That would be hard enough without dealing with chronic health problems on top of everything… my health went to shit just a few days after arriving on campus. This was not unexpected – I have a chronic digestive disease and transitionary periods are triggering, and this is by far the biggest transition I’d ever had to make. I pretty much knew this was going to happen, but it didn’t make it any easier. I did everything within my power to take good care of myself – I actually managed to find eight hours to spend sleeping most nights, I ate about as healthily as one can eat in a dining hall, I did everything I could to avoid exorbitant stress (although it happens in college no matter how hard you try to avoid it). But my body didn’t give a shit how hard I tried – my health remained crappy. And being in poor health meant that I had very little fun. I didn’t have the energy to go out and do things most nights, I’ve gotten only minimally involved in the college community and I know that’s not how college is supposed to be, and it’s not how I want to do college. I want to be involved and do college right, but it’s not going to happen until I have some energy.

Fortunately my college is on a quarter system, so I just finished my first term of classes. This is really lucky because my last few weeks have been a major struggle. I’ve just been sick for too long, and I’m weak and in need of a lot of recovering. I am proud to say that I managed to pull A’s in my two classes (I took a reduced courseload – normal people at my school take three classes in a quarter) but I feel like doing so nearly killed me, and like I said before, I did little else but study, eat, and sleep, and I know that is not what college is supposed to be like, nor is it how I want to spend the next four years.

Well I had a colonoscopy right after the term ended and my doctor is recommending surgery. That is, the complete removal of my colon, which actually “cures” my disease. I put “cures” in quotes because it is hard to think of the removal of a major organ as a cure, and the surgery is not without risks or sacrifices. Even so, I think I’m finally ready to get this surgery… I’ve known for a long time that it was probably looming in my future, and it’s scary, but I’ve realized from what I’ve experienced over the last two months that A.) the way my health is now is preventing me from getting on with my life and B.) I’m suffering more than your average post-surgery patient. At this point, I’m ready for it. I’m ready for the predictability that surgery promises – no more of these scary ups and downs, no more always waiting for the other shoe to drop, no more intense medications and all their side effects, a lot less pain… sure, surgery may be the last resort, but at this point it’s starting to sound really, really good. I’m so sick of always being sick…

Getting surgery means taking the rest of the year off of college for recovery. So, I probably won’t be graduating on time, which is scary too, but hopefully getting this surgery means that when I do go back I’ll be able to kick butt and do college right. I hope to be able to take a full courseload and get involved in the college community. I’m overwhelmed by all the changes happening in my life all at once… I can only believe that it will all work out, that I’ll be better off for it. I don’t know what else to do except believe that…

Having all this time off from school is going to be interesting… I need to find ways to occupy myself so that I don’t go insane. I do feel a bit panicky about taking all this time off… I know that my first priority needs to be healing, but I also feel like I need to be spending this time either earning money or college credits somehow. I’m gonna be looking into getting accreditation for online classes in the spring semester, assuming I’m doing okay when that time comes around. I’m also wondering if I might be able to get paid to blog throughout the surgical process. I’ll also need to look into ways to stay otherwise occupied so that my brain doesn’t rot. I guess this is a good opportunity to explore hobbies that interest me but I haven’t found time for in the past. I’ll be hitting up Barnes and Noble soon, checking out the how-to section… I’m also up for suggestions on worthy activities. I don’t know how physically capable I can expect to be, so keep that in mind.

So, yeah, progress thread just got the entire story of my life. Anyone who so much as reads this whole long beast gets an automatic twelve high-fives from me.

@Mariah I’m sorry starting school was so rough for you. Have you checked with your college to see if they offer any of your courses online? If they do, that may be a way for you to keep going with some of your school work while you recover from the surgery? Have you set a date for the surgery yet? I hope things get much better for you!

@Mariah I remember you, of course. You sound brave and I wouldn’t worry about ‘finishing on time’ – that doesn’t mean anything, you know…besides, you can always (and you should) put on any further applications that you had extenuating circumstances such as, um, you know…removing a colon!!! and nobody will have a problem, believe me. I know many patients in my field (I work with cancer patients) that have had this surgery and I know what comes next isn’t easy – are you facing a life of colostomy bags or something else? Either way, I wish you luck and you’re in my thoughts.

@Mariah That sounds like a tremendous lot to go through. If you are sure that surgery is the right answer, then go for it fully committed. Don’t worry too much about school or work, just work on your recovery. There is always time for school. Although I thought @Seaofclouds had a good idea about online courses associated with your college. Tale care of yourself.

@Mariah Lib and I remember you! And I’ll accept my twelve high-fives now. I’m glad there’s a partial solution to your disease, shame it’s such an extreme measure. I hope everything works out well.

@Mariah Of course we remember you! I’m really sorry that college has been so hard for you, but I’m glad that there’s a way that you can be cured from your disease, even if it is so extreme. If it makes you feel better in the long run and makes your life more enjoyable, then I’d definitely say it’s worth it for you to be able to live life to the fullest. I wish you the best of luck with school and feeling better, I really hope everything works out in the end for you.

We all lurve you <3

@Mariah I’m so sorry you’re going through all this stuff, and so young, too. Do you have Crohn’s? One of my friends and her sister both have it. The sister had a complete colon removal, while my friend was able to have a new colon ‘built’ from her own tissues. Make sure you’ve got the best surgeon you can find, and be sure to keep us posted!

@Mariah Thanks for the high-fives… right back atcha.

Sounds like a tough time. I hope it’s a relief to you to feel so certain as to the right path forward. I know even when I make a very difficult decision, I feel better knowing that I then have something to work towards. I’m glad you’re back on fluther. I look forward to reading all of your updates and life stories.

@Seaofclouds My college does offer online courses, but only during the summer! I may be able to get transfer credit during the spring, though, if I either A.) attend classes at local colleges or, if I’m not able to do that, B.) take online courses through local colleges, although whether those credits will transfer is somewhat iffy. Haven’t scheduled the surgery yet as there are still a few tests to be done to make sure I qualify for it. Thanks for the encouragement!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thanks so much. And I’m not so worried about it looking bad that I’m finishing late as I am about finances… it was going to be hard enough to pay for four years at my school! But I’m trying to move that to the back of my mind… I have more important things to be concerning myself with right now! The hope is that I will spend only 2–3 months with a colostomy bag and then will be able to get a J-pouch reversal surgery. Perhaps you know about this already but in case you or anyone else doesn’t, this is where a portion of the small intestine is formed into a J-shaped pouch that functions as a sort of mini-colon, allowing you to choose when you use the bathroom, although because it cannot hold as much, you’d have to go much more often than someone with a natural colon. Not everyone reacts well to the J-pouch surgery and some people end up having to live with the colostomy bag, which I would hope wouldn’t happen to me, but from the sounds of it it isn’t the worst fate, either.

@marinelife Thanks for that advice – I know I will struggle mentally with letting myself off the hook with work – it just feels so weird to just sit around for all this time – but I’ll do it if it’s what my health requires!

@Sarcasm Aw thanks. I’ve just exhausted all the non-extreme measures! Hopefully this final step will just do the trick.

@mangeons Awww thank you so much for your kind words. My hope is that this surgery will indeed pay off in the long run! It’ll be a hard few months recovering, but if it allows me to come back better than before, then that’ll be great.

@augustlan Fortunately I do not have Crohn’s, or surgery would not be a cure! I have ulcerative colitis which is very similar to Crohn’s, the main difference being that UC affects only the colon while Crohn’s can affect any part of the digestive tract. So, for UC, you remove the colon, you remove the disease. Removing the colon can help Crohn’s patients, but the disease does continue to exist in the rest of the digestive tract. I’ll be hoping to get the same sort of surgery your friend got. We’re looking around at surgeons right now – I have a lot of options there. Eeeek.

@Cupcake Oh, I agonize over making big decisions, but once my mind is made up, it feels good to have some direction! Thanks for your encouragement – I’ll keep you all posted.

Oh, this sounds promising, then! Definitely keep us posted, and count on us for support when you need it. :)

As some of you who’ve been on this thread a while know, my main goal is searching for more meaningful engagement in my life. I’ve now got something to report that I’m excited about. I signed up for training at my college to be an “ally” – that is a resource person or “safe place” where students who have questions about their sexuality and are worried or may be being bullied can come for help. I have become more and more passionate about gay rights in the last few years, and the idea of being potentially able to help is thrilling to me. Don’t know much more about it than that yet.

That’s great @janbb! I hope you get some more information about it soon and it goes well for you!

@Mariah I think everyone has said it…but lots of love and hugs…wow you sure are going through it xxxx all the best x

@janbb Excellent news x love love love you x

I broke things off with the guy I’ve been seeing for the last four months or so. I did it in person and told him it was because I liked him too much, and I felt like a better person for having known him, so it was as nice as possible, I think. There wasn’t much discussion. Anyway, this confirms my hypothesis that breakups are pretty much by necessity really f-ing unpleasant, no matter how well-executed.

Anyway, onto the next one, who (so far) seems to actually like me. But I’m sure it’s just a matter of days until this one blows up in my face.

Work continues to go well. Recruitment for our breast cancer study is moving along faster than it ever has; assuming I don’t fuck up anything major I’ll be certified to run MRIs on my own by tomorrow; my data look great and my adviser is finally being helpful getting my manuscript out.

After nearly 3 months of rest, ice, compression, ibuprofen, cross-training, and well-intentioned advice, my fucking feet are still giving me problems. But I’m to the point of just dealing with it rather than trying to take more time off. I ran my old 5 mile loop for the first time in months and it felt amazing. Seriously considering entering a 5k this Sunday.

Thank you @janbb for providing this thread’s link again for me, I’ve been thinking about posting an update for awhile but I’ve been busy living life, for better or worse. My GRE prep course is over, as is my GRE exam (I did well). Somewhere in the middle of all things, I started to like my GRE professor and the flirtation ended up being mutual and emotional. He held things off somewhat (I was over his home a lot, etc.) at least after the end of the course and then things got more physical; after the exam, which was this past Tuesday…we knew we could move forward, sexually…I was at his home yesterday but before anything happened, he sat me down with the “We need to talk” opener…long story short, he’s married and he kept it from me (side note: obviously Alex was aware of my interest before I ever set foot in the person’s home and ps, has met him personally because I, at least, have integrity when I go outside my marriage) for over a month and a half…At the moment, I was shocked, then asked some questions…we changed topics, then he got really aggressive with me..yada yada yada…had to tell him it’s not going to happen, left…eventually had a difficult evening, was very emotional, angry, wrote him a 6 page letter that got to the core of many problems I’ve been thinking about in terms of ‘us’, got a letter back today..an apology, a need for a meeting…I feel disappointed and sad…and hurt and all that jazz…I will give him another meeting to, at the very least, respond to many of my allegations but until his poor wife specifically sits down across from me in the future and tells me it’s okay to be with him (the predicted chances of this happening are about -300), I can’t go forward with this…and so I’m hurting for more than one reason because I really do have feelings for him.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Oy! Aren’t people and their feelings complicated?

@janbb Not really – this is just your regular case of cowardice and lying.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Ick. What a disappointment. I cannot tolerate dishonesty (or aggression) from the people around me.

My husband and I have decided that this is not the right time for me to pursue my PhD. I am both disappointed and relieved. I’ve had a very rough year adjusting to marriage/having a man in my house/life, etc. and have faced one medical issue after another. I’ve just been scraping by at school/work/home and it will be best for me to take some time to recover and exist and enjoy “only” working full-time and being involved with my family.

As a result, my husband is free to pursue his masters degree and has found what appears to be the perfect program for him. It is nearby, classes are in the evening/weekend/online, is at a very well-respected university and is related both to what he currently does and what he wants to do. He is meeting with the person in charge of the program this week.

@Cupcake That is disappointing but, after all, there is no deadline on a PhD and it’s much better to go into it with energy.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Agreed. It’s also a good little test to make sure my ego isn’t wrapped up in getting my PhD. And this way babies are not totally out of the picture for the next couple of years! :)

@Cupcake Well you can both have your ego wrapped up in a PhD and still do the family thing – I do think, though, that your partner must understand that during the years of your PhD, your energy will shift more in that direction rather than in any other direction and that’s OK.

Oh, I started a blog today – here – :), I’m pretty excited about conceptualizing future entries.

I finished my first assignment for my new psychology course and I’ve been commissioned to a piece of artwork which I’m officially starting on tomorrow afternoon..rather excited about it actually…although..tentative.

I’ve been doing well since I’ve been home – so well that I keep having to fight off thoughts of chickening out on surgery. I’m currently asymptomatic, I’ve regained the weight that I had lost while at school, I sleep through the night without pain, and I’m going to start weaning off of my horrendous steroid medication tomorrow. I go to physical therapy twice a week and am getting stronger. I’m headed towards remission. And remission feels so good that lately I keep wondering why I’m about to subject myself to the pain and scariness that this surgery entails. But I am not going to chicken out, because I guarantee you that if I went back to school right now I would immediately get sick again. I don’t know what exactly it is that triggers it – maybe stress, maybe dorm food, maybe a little of both – but I can’t be healthy there. My medication works just well enough for me to be healthy, but only in combination with a very relaxed lifestyle, and I just can’t put my life on hold for it anymore. It was here on fluther – I can’t remember who posted it or where – that I saw the perfect quote to sum up my feelings towards life right now – “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” – William Shedd

I had my first consultation with a surgeon on Wednesday and was very impressed. He has done hundreds of these surgeries and began doing them in the 80’s, which is when this particular surgery first came about, so I’m not going to find a more experienced guy. This is great because he is located only about an hour from my home, which is much closer than I expected to find anyone competent. We’re still going to consult with at least another surgeon for a comparison point, but it feels good to get the ball rolling after all this waiting around. He seemed very confident that I will have recovered well before next year’s fall semester and will have no problem getting back to school, which is encouraging.

From what I can tell, life after surgery is a bit different. It will be a worse quality of life than that which I have while in remission, but muuuuuuch better than that which I have while sick. And lately I spend a lot more time sick than I spend in remission. But not to be underestimated is the certainty and regularity that surgery will bring back to me. Right now, even when I’m healthy, I know that health is only to be followed by another bout of sickness, and I spend far too much time wondering when that will be. Waiting for it, knowing it’s coming. Feeling as though my every move could possibly trigger it. That’s no way to live. I do feel hesitant to give up the really good, normal life that remission brings… I will miss that. But when I start to lose conviction in my decision, I remind myself of this. Ulcerative colitis is a disease of the digestive tract, but it really fucks up the whole body. Almost every organ system I have is sick in one way or another because of this disease. My liver is under strain from all the heavy medications I have to take. My heart is under strain from medications and from constant anemia. I get kidney stones because of malabsorption. I’m immunosuppressed from my medications and am especially susceptible to, and have gotten, horrendous lung infections. The steroids are deteriorating my muscles and bones and can cause arthritis, joint problems, eye problems, and god knows what else. I won’t have to deal with any of this extra-intestinal shit (except for the kidney stones, I’m likely to keep getting them, unfortunately) after I get surgery and can stop taking all of these medications. Also important to consider is that the images from my last colonoscopy showed that my colon looks extremely precancerous. Having ulcerative colitis puts me at higher risk for colon cancer, and mine is just so messed up and full of polyps that the surgeon I spoke to said he thought that if I weren’t to get surgery now, I’d be getting it within 5 or 6 years, but it would be for cancer rather than an elective surgery. NO THANKS. I need to keep reminding myself of all of these things, because I know that there will be a period of time in which it’s going to be hard to believe that getting cut open and having a major organ taken out is actually making me healthier. I’m going to have to always keep the end result in mind, and when the end result is months of painful recovery away, that’s not going to be easy. I’m not sure where I’m going to find the strength required to stay optimistic through the whole thing, but I will find it somewhere. I’ve gotten to be pretty good at that over the years.

(One thing that’s helping, and will help, is staying creatively occupied. I’m doing a lot of crafting right now, and I’ve started a flickr account to post the result of my crafts and to do some photojournaling. This has been really fun and distracting!)

@Mariah You are really looking at this in all the right ways. Keep us posted!

@Mariah: Lots of luck with the surgery. Keep us posted!

@Mariah You’re so aware and insightful. It sounds like you are on the right track. Good luck with the surgery and do keep us posted.

@Mariah It sounds as if you are between a rock and a hard place. But you are handling it well. Hang in there. Keep the end game in mind.

@Mariah Good luck with the surgery, I hope all goes well! Keep us updated!

I got a bunch of leads for free lance editing work in the DC area from a colleague of my husband’s.

Next step: follow up on them after overcoming the fear that any failure will be mine. No excuses left.

I’m working on keeping my ego intact after being dumped on by an erstwhile friend. I had a great teaching experience today – which buoys up my spirits, and also lunch with a new colleague who is becoming a friend.

You guys, so you know how I don’t drink at all, right? Anyway, breedmitch has this wine place Brookvin in Park Slope and he invited Alex and I to taste some of his wines for free and so we went and got to meet our first flutherite and here we are. Also, I got my nipples repierced (which I can’t show here, ‘cause you know, no nipplage on Fluther) and got my first microdermal! – here (ignore how drunky I look, please). Love everyone, tipsy Simone.

Ohmygosh progress thread I am so tired.

The annual Society for Neuroscience conference is going on now and I have been going nonstop for three days and tomorrow I have to get up and do it again.

I presented a poster yesterday, which went well enough (except for some weirdly hostile girls who didn’t understand statistics). I’m frustrated with things I can’t control, like my adviser being a dick and some intellectual credit problems with a co-author. In both cases I have to just get over it.

Running is going better.

Still dating guy who actually likes me. I like him too.

I am really tired.

Well, I finally got my result for my first psychology essay, which was 88% and I’m so completely and utterly chuffed about it I can’t say how much! I was so worried I’d totally missed the point of it all and obviously, once again, underestimated myself! So sigh of relief…onwards and upwards!

I’ve started my Christmas shopping too…which is filling me with great angst due to lack of funds and voucher issues (long story!) but am just going to do my best! I’m always ridden and stricken with guilt and fear at this time of year when one wants to do one’s best for those we care about but wonder whether it’s ever going to hit the mark.

Hope you’re all doing well??...The thread seems to have gone quiet recently…I actually had to search for it…shockingly… Are we all OK?

@nebule Yeah, it’s weird…I couldn’t find this thread either when I wanted to update…

Today, I am leading the Counterpublic Collective event on the some of the flaws in the science of sex differences and am bringing in my hero Rebecca Jordan Young to speak about Brain Storm, her new book – very excited!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: As one of those evil sex differences scientists I look forward to reading her book…

@nikipedia Neither she nor I attach any kind of value to sex differences researchers so no one is evil or good, in my opinion. I am much more interested in having a cross-discipline reach out and discussion, actually, about what the results might mean and how the results are obtained rather than paint everyone with one brush. There are many teams doing this kind of research and they don’t all have one agenda (if at all) and aren’t all in concensus.

@ ALL – the author just called with a personal emergency and cancelled on me so this is all a giant FAIL and I’m pretty damn upset about it considering how much work I put into this event – the event is still happening, I will lead it but it’s not what it could have been. So there’s your update, the progress and the huge setback.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir What a shame!

I feel like I am finally making some progress getting over a depression and hope that I am on the way to greater clarity in my thinking on some issues. And – my kids are coming this weekend, along with Jake!

Ha…it’s all I can do to keep from crying: in continuation of this day/nightmare, I am stuck at the infusion ctr indefinitely because everyone left and didn’t let me know and I don’t have a way to get out (it’s all alarmed and keyed) – I also set off an alarm in my frantic search for anyone but no fire dept showed up (don’t know what that represents for our safety but anyway) – I’m supposed to be halfway across Brooklyn within the hour to lead my event and I have no idea what’s happening.

Okay, I got out at some point – called a colleague who called the on call doctor who was in the hospital nearby who eventually came to get me out but he forgot his keys inside from before so we had to open the door and set off the alarm again but he had the code and I made it to my event and led it and it went well.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thanks for the update, I didn’t notice the time stamp.

@YARNLADY No, no – I updated as a result of your pm.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – glad you got out, being locked in places is one of my irrational fears so it sounded terrible to me!

Sorry your speaker couldn’t show, but I am sure you did a good fill in.

Cheers

Just finished my theatre production working with the elderly / some housewives called: “I sit down to write a letter”… surrounding issues of life and death.

Some photos here. Trailer of the process here

What was particulary amazing is, a week before production week, my favourite local directors came over to watch one of our rehearsals, and he gave some very good pointers on how we could alter the structure to help the actors. So we took a risk and made it a little closer to playback/process drama (basically put all the actors on stage and allowed them to intervene in the play.) It suddenly brought the play to life again. Musically, also, we made some strong choices in the final fortnight, including axing a “Bobby Mcfarin” song for a Cantonese song, and in doing so, bringing the work closer to their culture.

All these late changes were only possible through the trust we had built up over the last two and a half months.

Of the 4 PhD applications, I have submitted one.

I finished my resume and applied for three jobs. I didn’t get two of them, but I got positive feedback on my resume.

Some of you may not remember or ever have known, but in one of the first progress threads I posted about how I had written a sizable amount of a story and had lost it. Well, about a week ago, I unearthed it from an old flashdrive!

It was exciting until I realized that the writing was actually quite crap.

@mangeons lol… oh bless you!! I remember! I’m sure it wasn’t that bad… but made me laugh because this is exactly the sort of thing I think to myself after reading what I’ve written ages ago… xxx

@marinelife You go girl! Glad you got some good feedback, that’s always a good sign xx

@lifeflame It looks amazing, well done you xx

and I’m due my exam results this week..at some point before friday…so I’m keeping everything crossed even though I’m prepared for disappointment as I know the exam didn’t go well… either way I’m opening the champagne!

@nebule Thanks, and good luck with your results, I’m sure you did fine! (:

Of the 4 PhD applications, I have submitted 2.

I got another Distinction for Philosophy of the Mind. Absolutely chuffed to bits! :-) xxx Thank you all for your encouragement xxx

Is “chuffed” British for “thrilled”?

it certainly is :-) with a hint of humility as if sitting down on a comfy sofa, sinking into one’s success slowly x

Ben and I finally got some new products designed and set up a Fluther store!

Uh oh, here comes another long-winded one…

I’ve had consultations with three surgeons and I finally have a date set. I appreciate that the second surgeon I met with was very honest with us – he basically said, “I could do this surgery for you if you want, but if I was in your shoes, I’d go to the Cleveland clinic to get this done. They are the experts on this surgery.” Cleveland is about a six hour drive from where I live but my parents and I decided that would definitely be worth it to get this done right. So we drove out to Cleveland yesterday to meet with a surgeon there and we’ve scheduled it with him for January 19. I was NOT expecting him to have an opening that soon, so that is fabulous news. I was really prepared to have to wait until at least March, which would probably have meant I wouldn’t be recovered in time to get back to school in the fall.

Ugh, the bad news is that I have to get the three-step surgery. This surgery can be done in one, two, or three steps, but is most commonly done in two. I fully expected I would get it done in two steps because the three step surgery is usually reserved for patients who are in really bad shape at the time of their surgey, and I’m not at all. But because I am on a high dose of immunosuppressants, and they have found that the rate of sepsis is much higher for the two-step surgery for immunosuppressed patients, their policy is to do it in three steps. I am so not happy about this. It means that I’ll probably have the ileostomy (aka poop bag) for about six months as opposed to two or three with the two step surgery. That stage of the surgery is one of the biggest things I’ve been nervous about (having a little chunk of my small intestine poking out of a hole in my abdomen – soooo creepy) so I really don’t like that that’s going to be there for six months. This also means that I won’t get the last surgery until June, and although my surgeon is confident that I’ll be healed up by August to return to school, I’m not so sure. I don’t want to go back to school feeling even a little bit unsure about being healed.

I keep doubting this decision lately because I feel so dang good right now. I’m not anemic for the first time in four years and I weigh triple digits for the first time in my life. It’s so hard for me to voluntarily give up feeling this good and go through this painful process. I know rationally that I won’t keep feeling this good forever, but I just think that dealing with this mentally would be so much easier if I felt crappy right now.

Oh, @Mariah < I know the awfulness of the process is weighing on you, but the idea of feeling better for a much longer time in the future is something to hold onto. I’m so glad you feel good now for the holidays, and all the green light to you for those trials you still have to go through…

@Mariah Try to remember how you were feeling at school and what would happen if you went back (which you want to do) without the surgery.

You are only feeling good because you are in waiting mode.

I felt that something was missing here and realized that I’ve missed this thread. Jeruba guided me. I want to wish Mariah some good luck- you have so many things to think about for this surgery- your head must be about to explode!! I want to report that I am 3 weeks without a cigarette and feel good!

Of the 4 PhD applications, I have submitted 3.

@Mariah It certainly sounds like you’re going though some really difficult and challenging stuff. I wish you all the best with the surgeries and that the bad isn’t so bad as you think. xx Lots of love x

@faye Well done on the cigarettes… I’m now on my fifth week and giving up the patches this week too, which i fell thoroughly ready for. Can’t say congratulations enough I know how hard it is :-) xxx

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well done on the PhD applications! x

I’ve submitted my second assignment for my psychology course, which I think is fairly good. Hopefully another high mark. However, I feel like I’ve really turned a corner with my expectations; they’re not so high any more and I’m accepting myself for who I am and where I am. This is massive for me. I have given up weight watchers because I realised that it wasn’t actually doing me any good..I was just hating myself every morning I woke up, beating myself up for binging because I know I should be dieting… SO I’m trying a different tactic… trying to love myself and accepting my body, whilst respecting my body too. Getting out of the diet mentality isn’t not proving so easy though and I still have my ‘binge’ moments because I think I’m still expecting to ‘go on a diet’ at some point. Having had this mentality for so long it’s going to take some getting used to. Any advice would be much appreciated guys. > I still would like to lose another stone over the next six months but I just don’t want this to consume my thoughts and be the most important thing in my life. Anyway, do let me know what you think.

I’ve made the first steps to booking a holiday for me and my son all on our own, which is a big thing for me as I don’t feel I’m capable of it. We’ve always been away with the parents before today but I’m slowly managing to detach myself from their grasp and create my own family and life. I’m terrified of it…but feeling the fear! This is something I’d like to do more in many different ways as I feel we’ve been under the radar too long and we need to find our own wings. Hell…I’m 30 years old with a 4 year old son!

I want this year to be good… there are so many other goals and aims that I have but I feel I’ve rattled on too much already. I hope you are all doing well.—

Can something enlighten me bit more on what is happening with Fluther? I’ve read the blog but don’t know what to make of it really :-/

@nebule Thanks, and good luck to you, too, with no smokes. You can use the money for your holiday!

I seem to have my voice back this morning! Small progress, I know, but maybe I won’t be so quippy all over Fluther now that I can use the phone again! I got my first pissy PM from someone for being too quippy. I feel soooooo chastened!
I am thrilled and impressed by all the Jellies above me who are really accomplishing things, let this be the spirit of the New Year! Yay to all you guys!!!

@nebule Sounds like you’ve had a couple of amazing breakthroughs! Good for you. :)
As for what’s going on with Fluther, our whole technical team now works for Twitter, so no new developing will be happening here. Ben and Andrew still own Fluther, but it’s more of a labor of love now, and is not their ‘day job’ anymore. I still work for Fluther, and we’re concentrating on keeping the site going smoothly.

@augustlan : Time for a new “progress” thread, maybe?????

@JilltheTooth Why don’t you start one for us? Be sure to post a link here.

You got it! New progress thread is here. Let’s all move over there, folks, only a moment to load!