How would you politely tell someone in an invitation to your wedding, dont bring your kids?

I don’t think you can ask someone to leave their kids out without it coming off as somewhat rude. Being selfish is being rude and you plainly said that it’s somewhat selfish in your own description. If you plan on doing that, I’d be prepared to have a lot of your friends with kids to decline the invitation. I don’t have kids but if I did and someone asked me not to bring them to an event because of the reason you’ve mentioned, then I, personally, would elect to just not go.

My friend felt that way and included in the invite; “please, no babies or children under 15. Thank you” When a few people called to say they had to bring their kids or they couldn’t come, she simply said “I’m so sorry, we’ll miss you!” A few people were offended, but really, it’s your wedding, you’re well within your rights to include whom you want! Good luck! and congrats!

Just have a footnote on the invitation that says no children please. It is pretty common around here. Especially if the reception punch is going to be spiked.

I’m not sure – none of my friends that have recently gotten married ever wanted no kids at their wedding. One specifically wanted my oldest to be the ringbearer and also organized infant seats, etc…I realize you want a different kind of wedding which is, of course, your prerogative but as @Randy astutely points out, some of the parents might not make it – weddings are expensive to prepare for, gifts and to pay for a sitter as well…it’s quite an inconvenience.

Are you talking about just the wedding itself, or the wedding and the reception?

If it’s just the wedding maybe some sort of “daycare” thing can be arranged with someone footing the bill for a baby sitter someplace nearby. Or something.

But, yeah, put it on the invitation: no kids allowed.

All you have to do is add an “adults only” or “Please find a babysitter for the children” comment to the invitation. If there are a lot of small children in your family, it would be a thoughtful gesture for you to help arrange childcare. Maybe find a couple of teens you know and trust who’d like to make some money by playing with kids all day.

It is possible to politely request that children not attend the wedding. My sister-in-law did not want children at her wedding (specifically, two children belonging to our cousin who have not been taught manners or self-control). She handled it very well, especially considering she did want my own three children at the ceremony and reception. None of them made a peep. There are plenty of children in the world who do know how to behave and whose parents do not let them get away with screaming and nastiness.

You can also ask that children not be brought to the ceremony, but allow them at the reception if you think it might be a problem for your guests to find babysitters. At the reception, there’s more to entertain and kids are less likely to be noticed if they forget to whisper. They also look cute in your wedding photos, all dressed up and dancing with each other on the dance floor. ;)

@WestRiverrat has it right, I think.

I was always taught that if your name is not on an invitation, you are not invited to the event. If the invitation says Mr and Mrs. Joe Schmoe, why would someone think Lil Schmoe is invited?

Some people won’t be able to make it without their children, and that’s ok.
You don’t need to be so apologetic for not wanting children at your wedding.

@Likeradar yes you are right. but some people are well stupid and dont know how to read so they say, ” Oh! that means i can bring my kids anyways!” yeah and you know what, ITS MY DAY, not theirs, so they should be respectful of it.

About what @Likeradar was saying, I don’t have a clue what you could do about that. Maybe that could be your next question?

“Adults only, please.”

It’s not unusual to make an invitation for an “ADULTS ONLY” event.

@jca I like that. It sounds more gentle than “no children.”

The only problem with adults only is that some people still bring babies, thinking the caveat is about seating or catering…

@JilltheTooth You’ve known people who would still bring a baby when the invite explicitly says “adults only”? What self-absorbed asses.

@saraSKELLINGTON Personally, I’d be cool with it and probably laugh it off. I like kids and babies, I like their noises and messes (to an extent). But you don’t. And that’s ok.

@Likeradar : Yeah, they figure that their baby is so cute everyone will be delighted! And after all, the baby won’t be using a chair or eating expensive catered food. They just don’t seem to get that that’s not the main consideration! That kind of thinking floors me!

It’s your wedding and your guest list. Just say “Adults only.”

@JilltheTooth Grrr. Like I said, I really like babies. But I freggin hate people who think they are exempt from the rules of society because of their special snowflake. I would be pissed and may end a friendship if I had an explicitly stated “adults only” event (although I doubt I’d ever do that) and someone brought their kid anyway.

I hate to be the one to point this out, but even it you put “LEAVE YOUR F****** KIDS AT HOME!”, there is always going to be someone that doesn’t listen. “Adults Only” is standard.

@saraSKELLINGTON I know one bride that told a guest to ‘pick up her damn skwalling kid and get the F out’ when the baby started crying at her wedding.

I agree with some of the other answers, it’s your wedding, do what you want. The only thing I would say is that you should expect less people to come because not everyone can find a babysitter.

There are a lot of things that can go wrong with a wedding. Whether it’s a crying baby, a DJ who shows up late, air conditioning that shuts down on the hottest day of the year, a piano player who misses half the notes during the ceremony, or a groom so hungover he almost passes out at the altar….you just kind of have to go with it when it’s out of your control.

I’ve been to a few weddings where the invitation stated, in some way, “no children allowed.” In none of those cases did anyone bring a baby or kid anyway. Put it in the invitation, mention it pointedly to anyone you think may ignore it, and then move on to plan the rest of the day and enjoy yourself. If you focus on the little things that go wrong at your wedding (and chances are there will be something), you won’t be able to enjoy the things that go right.

If it’s an evening wedding, putting “no small children, please” would seem to be a good reminder that an evening wedding is a grown-up event. Most children 8+ can handle behaving themselves at a wedding, and won’t upstage the bride.

I hated going to weddings when I was a kid, along with everyone I knew. The kids would probably back you up on this.

OK here is yet another way to look at it….... Its like bringing a Yappy dog that doesnt know when to stop barking. WOULD YOU WANT THAT DOG AT YOUR WEDDING? or this is a bit off, but say someone brings a swarm of bees ( I HATE BEES) to someone who is having their wedding would you be mad? Yeah that was a bit over the top, but bees are and can be annoying. same difference.

@saraSKELLINGTON You seem to think someone’s disagreeing with your stance. You don’t have to keep explaining yourself.

Also, LOL at comparing a swarm of bees to a baby.

Relax.

By chance is your mother telling you that you have to include the children?

@Randy It’s her wedding, not a Super-Bowl party. You should be able to say “no kids” in any situation, because it’s your invite list, but if you can’t say no kids at your wedding, then when do you get to say that? If you really can’t ever be without your kids, how do you have any other relationships?

No one needs to know why you don’t want children there. Your invitation could be like this: You are cordially invited to da da da da da I am asking that children under the age of (whatever you decide) not attend the wedding service, however they are certainly welcome to come to the reception. If, and you will get a few calls from those who wanna know why. Tell them that the you’d like a quiet ceremony, and leave it at that, do not go on to further your reply, only repeat that you would like to be assured of a quiet ceremony. If they then say they cannot come then, just say, I’m so sorry, i hope you change your mind…...and hang up. It;s your wedding, and it’s your day, so do as you please…........Congrats! chelle104

One incredibly not-rude way to do this would be to arrange some kind of care for the children. Do you have a friend who would volunteer to babysit during your wedding and/or reception? Note on the invitation that childcare would be provided so that the adults can enjoy the ceremony.

Perhaps “being a babysitter” is a wedding gift that a friend could provide, if you put the word out that you need this. If they don’t have some coloring books, videos, or toys on hand, maybe you could find them inexpensively.

Also, see if you need insurance if you choose to go for this. I just thought of that, but it may or may not be important for such an informal one-time occasion.

Just put adults only on it. Lol.

In addition to the “adults only, please”, make sure to address all the invites to people with children using their specific names, not name + guest or “the family of so-and-so”. Since there’s always someone who brings their kid anyway, you can hire a couple of high school girls and have them babysit any kids that do end up coming in a separate room far away from any acoustics. Pay them $50 bucks each for their time and trouble, and put some soda and junk food in the room, probably with some movies of the Lion King/Finding Nemo variety on the dvd player if possible. Sure, it goes against the principle of the matter, but sometimes, you have to choose between standing on principle and having it your way, and if it was my wedding, I’d rather make sure all eyes are on me than get up on my moral horse.

Note: I haven’t babysat in about 10 years, so I really have no idea what the going rate it is hourly. I just figured $50 sounded like a good amount for an untold number of hours and kids.

Oh, also: Maybe a week before the wedding, call the guests with children and say “hey, I’m just calling to make sure you found a babysitter for our wedding, because if you didn’t I have some names for you to try.” That way, they know that you don’t see them as the one exception to mass-printed invites, but you’re being helpful and all that.

“Please join us for an adults-only reception at the Very Nice Function Hall immediately following the ceremony.”

However, as @TheOnlyNeffie points out, someone’s gonna bring a kid no matter what you put on the invitation.

Frankly, I’ve never been to a wedding with children. And I’ve been to dozens of weddings.

This is also where you enlist the help of aunts, friends who are in touch with most of your guests to network the idea as well, so that everyone gets the idea that you really mean no children, and not “no children except for cousin Stephanie’s three, and Mandy’s newborn, because everyone in the family will surely want to to see the new baby.”

@WestRiverrat I want to do this for every time I invite anyone over to my place, and instead of no children, it’s “anyone I didn’t explicitly say could come”, because I hate it when people think that because I like them, I also like their stoner friends with the kleptomania and their hygeineless siblings and the new special someone they’ve known for a whole 5 hours now!

“Adults only.”

“Due to open bar, persons under [drinking age] will not be allowed” ?

@willo142 Tack on “for legal reasons” to the end.

All you have to do is say on the invitation: “This is an adult only Event. Please do not bring childen under the age of (whatever)”

I’m sorry, but someone needs to tell you to calm down. You may not like children, but don’t compare them to dogs and bees. Does that mean I can judge you and say you’re a baby..because you sure are whining like one. :/

Also, some adults can be just as bad as children I hope you know that.

For our wedding, our invitation said “Join us after the ceremony for an all adult reception.” We didn’t mind if kids were at the ceremony, but we decided to cut the 20 some kids for budget reasons. We actually would’ve preferred to have them there; it probably would’ve been amusing.

@ubersiren Yeah, for some reason kids are more funny when you are slightly inebriated lol.

@saraSKELLINGTON Bottom line: It is your wedding. If you don’t want kids there, you shouldn’t have to deal with them being there. If you want to ask politely that kids not attend, go ahead. I would just tell them there was a $100 cover charge for each child under whatever age you want to cut it off at.

It should printed on the invitation so that you are not just telling a select few. I’ve never seen such a statement, but I guess at the bottom you could add “adult guests only.”

Thank you everyone for replying and helping me with my question. and thank you to those of you who did not fuss, and cause unnecessary crap and actually took this question seriously. :D

It is you and your partner gettign married and if neither of you want children there then you can simply say adults only on the invitation. I think perhaps putting no children under the age of… maybe useful as otherwise you leave the idea of what constitutes an adult to the reader. Personally, I had a small wedding with family and friends and had children there and it was fine. There was no screaming children or fussing about at all. When my brother got married he stated no children on the invitations, mainly because his wife couldn’t have children, and it caused a huge fight between him and our father. They never spoke again. I think you will have to be aware that you may offend someone but as you say, it is yours and your partners day.

I think your original question has been answered above, but I couldn’t help but notice this: Perfection wedding day + kids screaming = RUINED (in all caps no less). You’ve made a mistake already (Perfect wedding day… not perfection). So relax. Realize now that your wedding day will not be perfect. There are simply too many things beyond your control (weather, traffic, the power grid, humanity…). Something is going to go not as planned (not “wrong”). Remember that your wedding day is about you and your SO making a pledge to spend your lives together. It’s supposed to be a celebration of your relationship, not a quest for perfection.

@GladysMensch Win.

@Blackberry pointed out that some people cannot find a babysitter. I want to add to that there are people that cannot afford a babysitter. At $8 to $10 an hour, x # of hours total from start to finish, it may be an extra $100 they would have to spend.

Also, to bring a child to a wedding means the child would probably have a seat at the table and be served a meal. Some fancy affrars are $150 a plate. That’s $150 added on to the bill for the child that would eat a few bites and be full.

just looking at dollars and cents, both ways.

I am trying to figure out how to do the same thing for my wedding, fortunately, not very many family and friends of ours have small children. We are putting in the invites, “Please no small children or infants at the ceremony; however, everyone is welcome to the reception,” or something like that.