[NSFW] What significance does having sex for the first time with someone have for you?

It means that you deserved to sleep with someone like me – it means that you probably have some brains or a quality that attracts me to you as well as sex appeal – it means I’ll be more vulnerable than I’ve been with you prior to us having sex and it means nothing beyond that unless I want it to.

It always means lavish praise and gifts…something I will never get used to. ;)

To me, I’ve said I won’t have sex unless I’m in a relationship. So if things are going well with a guy, I will actually tell him flat out that if we have sex, he had better want to actually have a relationship with me, because I won’t have sex outside of a relationship. Done that one too many times and regret it so much.

I wouldn’t put in any effort just to have sex. Well, maybe buying drinks or whatever. For a relationship that includes sex, however, I would do everything I feel is normal for me to do. And that’s usually above and beyond what’s expected of me.

Sex does not always equal a relationship.

Seeing as I’ve been married for ten years, I can’t say much about what I expect now, LOL. Before I was married, I wouldn’t sleep with a man unless I had some sort of feelings for him. Those feelings had to be there or I didn’t even consider it. I even had a “one night stand” once, but it was with a guy that I had admired and desired for quite some time.

Committment.

It means I want to have sex with them.

I’m married, so this really doesn’t apply to me anymore. I have always been very good at separating emotions and sex, so having sex with someone for the first time only means that I find them appealing and I’ve made a conscious decision to sleep with them. That’s about it.

Just like all the sex I’ve been having, none.

Losing my virginity was a very special event for me. I wanted it to be lovely, and pleasurable, and exciting, and it was. I also wanted it to be with my husband, but since I’m fairly certain that the first man I have vaginal intercourse (gotta be specific) with is going to be my husband, it’s all right.

My first time was not all that special. I wish I could say that it was or do something different. I did it to see what it felt like. I have never had a virgin man though? Hmmmm.. My feeling toward sex changed after that I had to have feelings. Now I am married. It 100% better now…..

it means we’re in a relationship and will be for a while, and if i dont feel that way then i dont have sex. thats not to say i wont do other sexual activities with people before we’re dating or whatever, but i guess i think sex is a little bit of a bigger deal.

To me sex is sex and can be combined with love thus meaning something, or just be sex solely and thus not mean a thing. I think I can separate “sex+love” from “just sex” I aim for the first time of having sex with someone to be special but if it’s not it’s not the end of the world. It’s not that big a deal to me if we have sex the first date or the 111th to me, if I can feel his intentions are good.
However I believe some people mess “sex+love” up with “just sex” which makes everything a mess. If you can tell the difference between the two it’s not too complicated. Like someone else said, to me, just having sex in itself doesn’t automatically mean we’re in a relationship it’s other things that decide if there is a relationship or not.

I never thought it was a huge thing until I had a partner who took efforts to make our first time a really nice romantic event from start to finish. I do remember that and think it was special.

It’s a huge thing for me. Enough said.

I consider it to be a big deal, which is why I am still a virgin at 19. The man I give my virginity to will be someone I love and trust, someone who I know loves and cares about me. I think marriage is kind of a silly stipulation. Why not have sex with someone you deeply care about?What’s wrong with physically expressing that love? I think by the time you find someone you want to marry, it really doesn’t matter what either of your sexual histories are.

Sharing yourself sexually with someone (for a woman anyway) releases oxytocin and vasopressin…similar hormones that contribute to addiction. This is the notorious hormone that has women dreaming of the next time before they even finish the first time. It’s not a great thing because it clouds women’s judgments…whether it is same sex or not, by the way. A woman will (often, not always) want to “glom on” to a person even if he/she isn’t right for her. I have to admit, though, that older men (40 plus) also can “glom on” but for different reasons. Because of this, I am careful not to get entangled in situations that are fleeting.

Now that I’ve explained the science…how important is the first time for me with someone? I won’t have sex with anyone outside of a committed relationship that’s how important it is to me. I do this because sex is sacred and you do share your energy with another human being…so I value myself enough to wait for the right person.

However, if I were on a sinking ship with Leonardo di Caprio or I was told Planet X was heading my way as I sat in a bedroom with Orlando Bloom…all bets to my restraint are off the table.

:)

I equate sex with love and lifetime commitment, so it’s a pretty big deal to me. Guys aren’t supposed to think that way, but I do.

For me, it means that barring unforeseen obstacles I intend to spend the rest of my life with that person. Other people are (obviously) free to think and act as they see fit, but I have always thought of sex as a natural extension of the deepest form of love, and I cannot separate the two in my mind. The thought of having sex with someone I do not love makes me ill.

@le_inferno Everyone draws their lines somewhere. Some people draw their line at marriage. You think that’s silly. You draw your line at “deeply caring about someone.” I don’t think even that’s necessary.

A logic almost identical to yours works here: why not have sex with someone you find attractive. What’s wrong with physically expressing that attraction? That’s where I draw my line—I have to be attracted to someone to have sex with them. (There’s an element of trust as well—for safety’s sake.)

I have no doubt there are people who would think I’m silly for missing out on all the great sex from people who I don’t find attractive. In fact I’ve heard people argue that unattractive people are better kissers. (I don’t believe that, but it’s an example of an argument someone might make.) Everyone draws their lines somewhere.

@lapilofu I’m not saying anyone is right or wrong. I’m not saying it’s wrong to draw a line at marriage, simply that I disagree.

@le_inferno Fair enough. I interpreted “silly” as a judgement on others, but I realize now it wasn’t.

I have never had sex or given myself to another unless marriage has been there. I am a man and it is just how I feel and was raised. Though I have often thought about it just never acted on it so the first time was on my first Honeymoon and it was wonderful. I have been divorced and married once again.