Funny things that your SO said (name a few?)

1. He does this hilarious interpretation of how it feels to be vomiting when drunk – it’s basically this dragon with giant wings going ‘haaaarrrrh’ and crying in between…his physical comedy is the best.
2. One time, we were walking by a train and he began to say something but was drowned out by the noise and once the train passed he smacked his head and said ’...and that’s how I got syphillis!’

My s/o is a hoot. Funny. When I get out of line, she will say, “where did i put my can of whoopass!”

@BoBo1946 lol

Me and my friends used to talk about time travel, philosophy, religious debates..and as much as I tried to explain these things to her she would get bored and distract herself effortlessly. She seemingly had no interest in anything that wasn’t on Mtv or involved texting on her fully customized cell phone. Even tho it frustrated me there would be times when she was literally flip out on what I was saying, whether she understood what I was saying and couldn’t handle it, or honestly couldn’t take another second of my ranting it still unknown..but she would simply cover her ears, close her eyes and repeat “please stop, please stop, please stop”.. To which all i could do is shut up and kiss her on the forehead. And here I thought I didn’t have any fond memories of her.

My hubby can be absolutely hilarious at really random moments. I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head, but there have been a lot of times when I was literally in tears from laughing so hard at some random tidbit of humor from him.

I can’t think of anything specific off the top of my head right now, either. My husband is freaking hilarious. His sense of humor is what I love the most about him, he makes me laugh on a daily basis.

As a joke upon awaking with my S.O. a long time ago, I asked her if she remembered what I had dreamed the night before. She got a very thoughtful expression on her face, pondered for a few seconds, and then said in all seriousness, “No, I don’t.” For years afterwards she denied it, but I swear that’s what happened.

@Austinlad favorite thus far. I love it!

Oh I just thought of a good one.

Sometime last year my husband had the hiccups for 2 days straight, almost non stop. I suggested maybe we should call his doctor to figure out what was going on. He declined and said to google it, he just wanted to know what might be causing it. So I told him that no one is really 100% certain what causes the hiccups.
He disagreed. Someone must know.
So, I said who? If I am wrong, then tell me who knows?
He said “Jacques Cousteau.”
So I was baffled by his answer and I asked him why he said it…
He says “I happen to know for a fact that Jacques Cousteau knows what causes the hiccups, that’s all.”

So I called his bluff (which was obviously just silliness anyhow), and I told him that he didn’t even know who Jacques Cousteau was. I bet him he couldn’t even spell his name.

And so he did….

“C-H-A-L-K….” hahahaha. I still crack up over that to this day.

Since my husband is ESL he screws up sayings all of the time and it is so cute and funny. He says dumbwit instead of dimwit, and there are many more, I just can’t think right now. When I do I’ll come back to the thread and write them out..

My SO is way too funny for his own good… There’s so many I may have to come back with more but what sticks out in my mind is one time we were goofing around about who’s tougher and I had said something along the lines of “I will take you down” to which his response was “you don’t have the ovaries”. I couldn’t stop laughing…

Lmao, your girlfriend’s funny.

My boyfriend is damn hilarious. I can be pretty funny from time to time, but I can’t even keep up with him. I feel quite unfunny in comparison.

He always makes humorous observations/comparisons/hypothetical scenarios. Right now I can only think of one.. we were in the movie theater and there was a poster for Jonah Hex, including Megan Fox trying to look sexy. He said, “I don’t like Megan Fox, she looks so dumb in pictures. Like someone just stuck a pencil up her asshole.” Made me lol (cause it’s pretty accurate).

Oh, and a recent message he sent me from New Zealand: “So today I went to a scavenger hunt! Myself and four lovely ladies (jk of course, their heavy German accents made me feel like I was shepherding cattle).”

I’ll add more if I think of em!

Oooooh, I just remembered a recent one. We like to watch the TV show TMZ together and laugh about the funny celebrity news. One night last week, TMZ was talking about Celebrity Apprentice, in which both Joan and Melissa Rivers participated. Apparently Melissa was “fired” and started throwing nasty insults at the other “contestants”. She called one of them a “Whore Pit Viper” and then Joan stepped in and yelled at another woman (who happens to be a poker player), saying with her face screwed up in disgust, “You’re just a Poker Player! A Poker Player!”.

So all this week, my hubby and I have been going back and forth (we love to play fight) with him calling me a “whore pit viper” and me yelling “You’re just a poker player!” He started it off the first night and had me absolutely rolling with laughter.

“I leaving”

LMAO.

“I’m so stressed! I’m going to read my gun magazine and go poop.”

one time we were talking about how dirty his car is and he said seriously: “i think one of these days im just gonna have to take it to a mechanic and have them take the seats out” HAHAHHAHAHAHA i died of laughter for an hour

@deni luurve!

Oh when he tries to talk in spanish, he just starts saying all this crazy stuff that doesn’t even make sense and is so cute , plus his accent makes it a lot funnier :D

@Simon De_Beauvoir Busted out laughing out loud at the train one!!

My husband is really funny at times, too. With him though, it’s always at the end of a looooong story! He’s not a one-liner guy. Also, some of the funniest things he does has to do with gestures and little sound effects. Can’t duplicate it in writing. But I’ll keep my ears, and this thread, open. )

However, two things come to mind, but they both involve my Ex S/O. We were talking about gynecologists, and I was trying to explain why I’d prefer a female gyno (back when it mattered to me.) Trying to make my point I said, “How would you like to go to a doctor for some problem with your penis, and the doctor turned out to be a women?”
A beat, and he said, “Well, she’d just have more to check out!” :)

Another time he said, “Let’s play ‘Maiden in Distress!’ ”
I said, “OK. How do we do that?”
He said, “Well….. I put dis dress on you and den I RIP IT OFF!!!”

I married him for good reasons, but those reasons managed to disappear over the years.

“I wish you’d stop washing the sheets. The DOGS and I like them WELL SEASONED.”

hahahahahah, how clever

My joke, his foreplay is taking off his pants and telling me to suck it.

Funny if it weren’t true. :):)

Just about an hour ago, I was Skyping with my boyfriend and showing him how I got this whole goodie bag full of my various ceramic teeth molds from the dentist. He said, “You should give those out as Christmas gifts or something.” I couldn’t stop laughing. :D

Here is one thing I was reminded of tonight, not related to him being ESL, and not exactly something he says, sort of. When he watches something funny on TV he laughs out loud. and I mean LOUD. You can hear him down the block. And, he will pause the DVR, so that while he is laughing he doesn’t miss anything, and then he will rewind so he can see it for a second time. Sometimes we will be 5 minutes into a show and he will say, “I’m already up to three pauses,” and crack up some more.” That’s how you know how funny the show is, by how many times he had to pause it. I’m teling you it is the funniest thing, he kind of laughs with his whole body, totally entertained. God forbid I am not watching with him, he will start yelling for me, “JL, JL, your missing it!” Sweet that he wants me to be with him. Best shows are Two and Half Men, and Big Bang Theory. Bazinga!

M’love makes me laugh all the time, from “dog ears” when something gets our attention to making fun of assorted stupid on TV or when she sends me stuff like this.

Jacqueline and I are always getting each others grammar backwards, she still thinks in French so I have to keep shifting back and forth, often using French grammar when speaking English. In public, people must think we’re both ESL.

@JeanPaulSartre Gotta watch out for those vicious attack squirrels.

She was trying to throw her wedding ring at me in spite, when suddenly she realized it was stuck!

“I can’t get it off unless I stick it in my mouth!”

Ahhhh, but my favorite is what Eddie Murphy said about his girl when they were breaking up…

Eddie: “I’m gonna go find me some new pussy!”

Girlfriend: “If you had two more inches of dick, you’d have already found it.”