What is the most unselfish thing you could do for a friend or relative, but would require you to bite your tongue a bit?

I think, rather than keeping on taking stuff, she might be better off getting help, ie talking to someone about why she absolutely has to have these things. I don’t see how this is healthy behaviour, and if you encourage her it’s just not going to stop, and might get worse and worse. Talk to her about it. Just because she is unhappy with her life, doesn’t mean she should get every single possession she wants. It might make her happy for a short while, but not in the long run. She needs something other than material possessions to make her truly happy. If you don’t want to talk to her about this, I would get her to call a counselling hotline at least to start to resolve the problem.

Is she selling or planning to sell any of these “snuck” items? If you think so, hold onto that ring for the sentimental value.

What you have described is a life-long battle within many families. Our oldest sister did the same thing to a certain extent, as well as our only brother. It is up to your parents to handle the situation. I suggest that you talk to them about your feelings.

Mom put together a list of all of her possessions and gave each of us a copy, asking us what we would like to have once she dies. It may sound morbid to some; she looks upon it as being pragmatic and a potential way of preventing us from going through some of the ill-will that she and her sisters went through.

To all parents of more than one child: Get appraisals on items that you own that have any monetary value. Set up your will so that items of value can be distributed evenly. If a child chooses an item that is worth 2x as much as something else, than the other(s) have the option of choosing multiple items worth the equal value. It can still cause friction, but at that point, it is probably the fairest way to go. And this only applies to adults. My sister passed away when her youngest child was 15. Once the youngest is 25 or 26, then they can divide up the possessions.

How very sad this is, and what a difficult situation for you.

Sneaking all these things from your parents hasn’t seemed to have made your sister’s life any happier, and I doubt having this ring will make any difference to her life, who she is and.
Making an ‘unselfish’ gesture is all very well when it is recognised for what it is, but I dont think your sister will really thank you or appreciate the gesture. Nor do I think it will brighten her days… maybe temporarily when she feels she has one over on you… but in the long run no.

This is very sad. I understand your wanting to give her the ring for an easier life among other things. It doesn’t sound like your sister is capable of being genuinely appreciative at the moment. I’d imagine that when she has the ring, there will be something else altering her daily life. At least until she addresses the real issue behind needing to fill her life with things.

I say keep the ring. You say she got plenty out of the house, You deserve to have some memto of your parents. My sister got most of my parents stuff because she had a house. I had a little apartment. I did get a trunk full of pictures. Those pictures mean more to me then any microwave or painting or anything taken out of the house.

Help my BIL with anything. Argghh!! That would be torture…pure hell…agony! Ain’t gonna happen…no way…can’t make me!!

I could spend time listening to my Aunt Bitchy…it’s just getting up the strength to return her phone call ;)

I’m in a similar situation. My sister wants to do me, but she’s soooo ugly.

I agree somewhat with what most of you are saying. Enabling her to have her way will only make her feel better for a short while. She is 70 years old and very fragile physically. I worry about her, but at the same time I don’t like the kind of person she is, or was. Our parents passed away several years ago. My mother insisted that I write a list of what she wanted to give to whom ( 4 daughters). Then my mother went around her house writing names on the backs of things. She was worried that, what did happen would happen. But, my happiness does not depend on the ring. Yes, it is nice and I wear it all the time, but my memories are every bit as real as the ring. I feel sorry for my sister, but she chose to live a miserable life feeling sorry for herself and blaming others for her misfortune. Now, she is old and it is sad to see her trying to change her life, at this very late stage. I thought this might help her.
You all have certainly given me something to think about.

How about an agreement like Mom and her sisters had? Their parents had a large watercolor painting made of their large stone house (my grandfather built it). Since all 4 sisters wanted it when Grammy died, they decided to share it. Each year, they get together, and whoever has the painting brings it and passes it on to the next sister on the list.

Being there for my best friend while her insane relationship currently dangles by a precarious thread. I desperately want so sit them both down and tell them what’s what, but it’s not my place.