My friend's wife is constantly threatening him about suicide. how to deal with it?

It sounds like this woman is very distressed and in need of professional psychological care to help her. I hesitate to speculate on what is wrong but both she and her marriage are in big trouble.
A man who loves his wife will set aside his own fears and make sure she gets the help she needs.

If she’s a threat to herself or her unborn baby, he can have her locked up for her own protection.

He needs to get her to a therapist.

Seems like there are two things happening:
1) he is afraid for the baby and for his wife
2) he is emotionally exhausted himself

two separate things.

First, if he feels an obligation to protect the fetus, he should call the police or the ambulance when this happens. It is not in his power to control her actions. Acquiescing to manipulation may seem like he is preventing a bad action by her, but it really is not. The control is still in her hands on whether to hurt herself or not. However, public health and police authorities do have the power to keep her and the fetus safe.

Second, he has a responsibility to himself to keep both his feet in reality. If he enters her world and tries to maneuver the manipulation, he will lose for sure. In this situation, I feel he has to understand he will either fully take control and call the police and do what is necessary to keep her safe or he will relinquish control and understand that he does not have the power to control his wife’s behavior. He is also not responsible for her behavior or her happiness. He is only responsible to be a kind, loving person who does his best. Other people are beyond his control.

For the sake of all involved,he should speak to her OB/GYN doctor. He/She needs to be aware to monitor her as well as the baby’s health. Maybe a close friend can also get the wife to open up about the underlying problem. Your friend needs support from his friends also to deal with the situation.

See psychiatrist, doula, lawyer.

Some women loose it when pregnant. I would suggest he hang in there till she has the baby and her hormones get in check. I know when I was pregnant the first time, I was a crazy woman. I didn’t realize at the time. When my hormones balanced out, I was able to see clearly how much I was not my self.
If things don’t change after a few months of the baby being born than he may want to find her help. He married her for better and for worse. He would be a worthless piece of crap if he puts his needs above her health and that of the baby. The kid deserves two parents.
If things don’t change and she is in fact just a manipulative B——than I recommend he start recording what she says in regards to harming the baby or herself and get custody of the child.
It won’t work while she’s pregnant because she can claim it to be hormonal. Best he wait and find out.
In the meantime someone should mention that she could go to jail for doing anything that could result in the death of the baby. Then she will have no baby, no husband and jail will be her home.

I doubt the wife is being manipulative. She is messed up, mentally. It could be due to the pregnancy, but it could also be something that predates the pregnancy. Do you know what her diagnosis was before the pregnancy?

If she was bipolar or schizophrenic or depressed or something else, the pregnancy could be causing it to flare up. Many times women who are bipolar will go off their meds to have a baby. It’s a dangerous thing for them. They need to be able to manage without meds for a year or more.

If this is what is going on, then she should see her psychiatrist, preferably with her husband, and they should figure out what to do. She sounds paranoid to me. Whatever, it’s not good. I think a psychiatrist is in order.

@wundayatta If she was fine before the pregnancy than I don’t think its necessary to drag her to a doctor. She just doesn’t need a husband telling her that their marriage is in danger while she is pregnant. Many women feel undesirable when pregnant and a husband who may seem to have one foot out the door during hormonal craziness doesn’t do much to help her feel secure and loved.
I think he should buck up and play nice for two months. She certainly doesn’t need the added stress. Some women are perfectly fine when pregnant and some are far from fine.

@Pandora Sure. If she was fine before. But if she wasn’t—that’s what I’m worried about.

Of course, we’re getting all this third hand, and we aren’t getting any important details at all, so it’s just speculation and silliness. We’re talking through our hats, I think because we aren’t on the scene.

Call the police.

@wundayatta True for all we know he makes it up to get sympathy from a girl he is hitting on. You know, the kind of stories guys make up when they are married and want to cheat. “Sure baby I love you but my wife is crazy and I can’t leave her. She wants to kill herself and my baby.” ” If it wasn’t for that I would leave her to be with you.” “So don’t tell her any thing or she may hurt you or my baby.”

Get professional help from her/your physician.