Could you list the main reasons why relationships fail?

Lack of communication, shared interests/goals/values, abuse, loss of interest, lack of physical chemistry…

It seems in my experience that most of the relationships that fail nowadays are due to people hooking up solely because of hormones, or because they just think that the other person is good looking and once they actually get to know the person, well it starts going downhill.

If one or the other is crazy, and dark dirty secrets.

Lack of communication is the big one in my book. That does not mean lack of conversation. Talking and communicating are two different things. Money is also a big one. Being on the same page regarding spending and saving makes things much easier.

Lack of trust, financial troubles, insufficient communication, infidelity.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard listed a lack of physical chemistry as a reason. Until recently, I didn’t think much about this one. My boyfriend and I recently “remedied” a dry spell we were going through and our relationship suddenly got way better. Don’t underestimate the power of sex, people.

Chemical imbalance

Lack of communication, being on two different pages on important matters, a lack of a foundation, the expectation that it will be a Hollywood ending instead of a marathon.

@KatawaGrey, yup.

Everything changes, especially people.

“Men expect women not to change, they do. Women expect men to change, they don’t.” Quote my Dad often uses.

I’m thinking that change is a big one.

Growing apart instead of together. Lack of communication. Problems in the bedroom. Fighting about money.

I saw a report once about studies done on couples, and they said a great predictor of successful couple is they regularly discussed each others goals. Anything from how many children to have, career goals, things they wanted to buy. Knowing what each other is working towards, and making it a united effort shows, respect, support, no surprise expendatures by either party. I think this makes perfect sense. Goes back to communication, but ties everything else in also. Communication also means not assuming what the other person is thinking when they say something hurtful. If you love your SO, and he/she has proven to care deeply about you and respect you, and never intentionally hurt you, you have to remember all of that when you are hurt by something they have said or done. You have to give them the opportunity to explain what they meant, and you have to take the time to explain why it hurt you, so they can better understand you.

Lack of good communication, lack of shared values, major life changes that lead to people moving in different directions, abuse, and misguided notions of what actually constitutes a working relationship. People who think romantic partnerships as sunshine, ponies, rainbows and banging like pR0n stars 24/7 with someone who is almost exactly like them, so, of course, they’ll be happy all the time and never disagree or deal with themselves ever again are in for a shock, aren’t they?

Or at least that’s what I think.

Let’s see… perhaps the main reason is, main reasons are, that the two parties, most importantly, have very different and mutually exclusive expectations; and, how can I put it? Very different and mutually exclusive “ways of going about things” going into the relationship. That sounds very clinical, but differing needs, differing expectations and differing styles concerning money, free time, child rearing, etc. can very often, and very often do trump love love, no matter how well intentioned people are starting out, I think. I’m certainly no expert on these things, but that has been my observation.

@JLeslie AGREED!

Because women are freaking crazy.

I think expectations is a good one as @lillycoyote pointed out. I think it is worse with heterosexual relationships probably, because people are more likely to have roles they expect a wife and a husband to fulfill. I think this happens less now than 50 years ago.

jealousy, ineffective communication, lack of trust, lack of any physical attraction (it happens right?), conflicting morals and standards, different goals, his tub being too dirty…

@Dewey420 -5 lurve.~

What about dudes?

@jjmah Dudes are laid back, go with the flow Joe.

Unrealistic expectations.
Adultery
Lack of commitment
Different values

children, having goals or beliefs that no longer compliment one another, miscommunication, forgetting/ignoring the fact relationships need to be continously nurtured, lack of intimacy (not necessarily sex), health issues (mental and physical), financial strain, “fairytale” expectations

@everyone, yes, of course, men are never the problem, women are fucking crazy and dudes are very laid back. I stand corrected.

I like to compare it to a dirty diaper of today and the dirty diapers from 50 years back.
In the past you knew when your baby pooped in his diaper you would have to labor to get it clean and new.
Then came the diapers of the 70’s with tapes. Then you knew it might fall off and you may have to clean the kids pants.
Then you had velcro. Ok, last a little better but again another disposable diaper. (But still not easy enough)
So now you don’t even really have to try to potty train your kids. You put them in day care with the slip on underpants for 3 year olds and let them deal with it.
So no real work for you any more.
Relationships are like those diapers. Every year people look for excuses to move on and don’t want to put in any real effort to make it work.
They are like the pull of pants of our lives. If we poop in it we just drop them down and someone will be along to wipe up the poop and give you a fresh diaper.

@Pandora interestig analogy. I don’t think of trying to understand my husband as work. He is my favorite person to be with. I wonder if people should stop calling it work and come up with a better name. I guess people need to be more relatistic about what long term relationships really involve, which is what I think you are getting at.

Lack of proper communication is right up there, but also misaligned goals and unreasonable expectations and being together for the wrong reasons to begin with.

If both partners do not work at building and supporting the relationship every day, yes even after 5, 10, 15 or more years, then they are allowing it to whither and loose vitality.

Courtship and romance are an ongoing part of the relationship even when you are 50+, 60+ or whatever. Listening and hearing what your partner needs and responding because it matters to you is what is required to keep your relationship strong and vibrant.

Apathy and laziness kill relationships. Love each other with a real passion every day and that is not referring to sex although obviously that is very important.

How do I know? I’ve learn so much from my previous relationships that failed and my current one that brings me joy every day.

Immaturity

Impatience

Lack of commitment and loyalty

Financial matters

Incongruent personalities and interests (Incompatibility)

Unfaithfulness

Loss of love interest

@JLeslie Your husband is probably your favorite person because you both understand what being in a committed relationship means. Its not always a bed of roses. Sometimes it can seem like crap. Especially if one of you is upset for some reason. (Which is why I used diapers for the analogy.)
But people don’t realize that they have to work together to clean the crappy days up. Nope. They let the divorce lawyers change the diaper as soon as it gets stinky.
Oh, hell, even the bed of roses has thorns and you have to learn to work carefully around them to help them bloom.
But you got where I was going with this. :)

@Pandora Sure, I get it. We have had our thorns and bumps. I just did not view it as work. I never expected a marriage to be happiness and fun all of the time. I think we are agreeing. Interestingly, since my parents where constantly fighting and annoyed with each other when I was growing up, I am fascinated that marriage can be relatively calm. I did not think it was even possible.

When people settle out of loneliness. That’s a reciepe for diaster.

when one or both parties have eyes for another, but try to be with a certain someone, because they (or their friends and family tell them to) feel as though it is the ‘right’ relationship, or one that is ‘better for them’ – instead of going with what they feel with their hearts.

boredom – when this overtakes a relationship it CAN be cured – but as @Pandora had said earlier, people view relationships as disposable. Bored? Go out and hook up with someone else – instead of trying new things with eachother.

Selfishness – when one member of the relationship (or sometimes both) expect the world from their partner and do nothing for the other.

Lack of recognition – when one partner asks for something to change, and the other tries hard to change it, and gets no recognition, only more things thrown in their face

Toxic personalities – some people want to fight ALL the time and try like hell to – this is extremely taxing and may not appeal to all, and others may actually like this – this is like a slow poison to many relationships though. (most of the ones I have listed so far are)

Different areas of life – if one member of the relationship is ready to settle down, and the other is in their party phase still (some people’s party phase never goes away)

Lack of intimacy (or intimacy with the wrong people)

Failure to settle down – refusal to give up past relationships, when someone acts as though they are still single, and still continues to flirt, and engage in risky behavior. this is not technically cheating but it certainly wears people down – and makes it very hard to trust

Communication
love/interest
cheating/infidelity

If there is no bonding that is based on commitments & or self interests, then that would be the main reason for failed relationships.

Maybe the question should be turned around. What causes a relationship to last? Change is the natural order of things. People grow at different rates. They change as they age. They grow tired of one another. We are living a lot longer than we used to, which makes it harder to prolong a relationship. When I hear about a couple celebrating a 50th or even a 25th wedding anniversary I consider it an accomplishment to be proud of.

effort, or rather lack thereof. Face it. Relationships are a pain in the ass. The only thing worse is being without one.

They fail because the parties involved stop trying.

Stop trying as in makes no honest effort to true it back up. It’s all about effort.

For any relationship to work you need trust,respect and honesty. Both should share each others interest. I feel the guy should be able to hang out with his buddies without a woman being jealous and a woman should have a day with her female friends also. I must be doing something right because after 40+ years, we still love and respect each other.

Communication, loss of trust, lack of spark, and lack of effort

As @Dr_Lawrence said, “Apathy and laziness kill relationships.” And, in my case, it lead to infidelity. Oh, if I could only do over.

I read a book that studied people’s fighting habits that . The results were that (with like 90% accuracy) when one person does something “wrong” and the other person thinks of it as “He/She ALWAYS…” It leads to feeling desperate and trapped, a terrible down spiral in the relationship and eventually divorce.

Its important to focus on being mad at the single incident rather than making the fight about the other person’s character.

The main reason is probably that the individuals who enter into what should be a mature loving relationship are not mature and have no idea what a loving relationship is. This will not change until we have a generation where the parents are mature and have lasting marriages. Young people have had no role models from the adults in their young lives.

From my personal experience and in no particular order…
jealously
boredom
unwillingness or inability to work through the tough times
too little in common
fear of long-term commitment

I think often it’s when a person is not able to be his/herself around the other person, or the other person expects the other to change.

No , cause ever relationship is different so you can’t simply say its one main reason, and maybe there is no main reason maybe there is alot of different reasons.

As the Diceman said “Cause I’m done.. Now hit the stereo on your way out!”