@zenele Do maintain constant eye contact? If so, do you have to force yourself to do it?
It just doesn’t seem natural to me. I feel like someone isn’t listening to me when they stare at my eyes all the time. It’s not connection, it’s just the semblance of a connection. Most people listen and think and do other things when having a conversation. Those things are indicated by looking away to various parts of space without focusing on it.
If they look to a place and focus on it, then I’ll look there too, because I am paying attention to their responses. Staring me in the eye (for that is what constant eye contact feels like) feels like a contrivance or worse, it makes me very uncomfortable. The only people I have known who do this are people who are mentally challenged or are people who seem to be playing a dominance game. It doesn’t matter. I try to get away as soon as possible and have as little as possible to do with such people.
I am more than a little weirded out that people think they should be staring at someone else’s face when talking to them. In fact, so much so, that I feel sure we must be talking about something different. It can’t be constant contact, can it?
And to all the people who are trying tricks—like looking between eyes or at the forehead—that doesn’t deceive anyone, I don’t think. It makes you look like you aren’t fully there. Given that you are spending so much time focusing on that spot, I suppose you aren’t fully there.
The natural thing is to look and look away and look and look away. We maintain touch, but we are not too obtrusive. We demonstrate we are listening and understanding, by using the facial muscles to depict understanding or questioning or surprise or whatever. If you are focusing on maintaining constant eye contact, I can’t imagine how you could also actually listen or show what your comprehension is by the expression on your face.
My face is very expressive—and it sometimes says things I don’t know I am saying. For example, I can not keep this expression of disgust off my face when people are talking about something that is unappetizing to me. This gets me into trouble with my inlaws and my wife. Everyone, it seems, is watching my face in fear of this expression—as if displeasing me is a fearful prospect. Very strange.
In any case, if you are looking at my eyes, you are going to miss everything else that is happening on my face. My eyes show some things, but not everything.
I do not mean to be offensive. And I’m not telling anyone they are wrong to do this. I’m just saying that if you want to communicate to me, eye staring is not going to be helpful.