Would you father someone else's baby (details inside)

It’s really hard to say what I would do because I wouldn’t cheat. If I imagine that for some reason I did cheat, I believe I would be truthful about it. If my husband decided he wanted to work on our relationship, we would deal with the other details (paternity and parental rights of the biological father) once the baby was born. I would never let him think the baby was his if there was a chance that it wasn’t. Just thinking about it makes me really glad that I don’t cheat. I have a really hard time imagining myself being in this situation.

I was a step-father for a little over a year, and initially, I did not like what I got myself into (to put it respectfully). Although after some time, I forgot the kid was not even my kid. Kids and people grow onto you. If the woman was worth it, I would father a kid that was not mine knowingly. But I’m sure I would have a hard time finding a woman that was worth that kind of time and dedication….....

@Seaofclouds
Thank you for your answer.
It is quite hard to imagine it, eh?
Me and my girlfriend felt the same when we discussed it.
I forgot to say, for the sake of discussion, that in this hypothetical case, the other guy would not know about the pregnancy, and thus not claim parental rights.

@Blackberry “If the woman was worth it, I would father a kid that was not mine knowingly.”
You mean that knowingly as in knowing she was pregnant from another guy?
Or knowing the child is not yours because when the child was born you didn’t even know the woman yet?

@rebbel With the other guy not knowing, I would have to leave it up to my husband as to whether he would be on the birth certificate or not. If he didn’t want to be on it, we would have to let the hospital know that when we got there because most of the time they automatically put the husband on it (and that would be an awful conversation).

@Seaofclouds
That is good to know about the hospital, i wasn’t aware of that.
Could be quite awkward…

Well, I don’t see myself in this situation, I’ve never cheated on anyone and I don’t intend to start now.

However, as many of you know, I am a stepmother – and I don’t see much of a difference. Maybe not in my specific circumstance, but often a step parent will raise a child that they know isn’t theirs. Often from very early in that child’s life.

So the child really shouldn’t be an issue, in my eyes. If anything it’s a very common thing in our society. The cheating could be a different story, though.

If I were a man and wanted to make a baby in the first place then I’d expect it to be mine. Were it not mine then that would mean my gf or wife cheated and I’d want nothing to do with her or her cheating partner’s baby. Let them parent together.

I’m a woman and this wouldn’t happen to me because I don’t believe in cheating on a person while saying I’m committed.

I would definiately need to have a paternity test. Child support has ruined alot of my friend’s lives if the relationship does not turn out. I mean they will take away your license and put you in jail if you don’t pay. Take half your check. I think the true father should be help paying for the child he created.

I would father the child as my own, as I do with my “step”-son – who I really just think of as my son. I am – as I would be for said child – the father in their life.

@JeanPaulSartre Would you do that even if it meant your girlfriend/wife cheated on you?

@TheOnlyNeffie @Frenchfry @JeanPaulSartre
In my hypothetical case the man knows, that the unborn baby isn’t his.
That would/could make it a bit more difficult to except it as your own?
Great to see that some of you father or mother your ‘step’ children, though!

I counsel all my male friends and even acquaintances to get paternity tests. To me it just rules out a lot of future hurt feelings and lives messed up if not out right destroyed. I can’t count the number of guys I know who found out later they weren’t the dads and their parents were distressed, other siblings, soooo many other people just because the woman pulled a fast one.

Well I would not stay with a cheating person. once a cheater always a cheater in my book. I am sorry I am not that forgiving,I feel the child father whoever that maybe should step up to the plate. I would parent and love someone’s child though. I love kids.

@Neizvestnaya @Seaofclouds
Agreed, “she cheated”, but she fessed up and you (the guy) understand the situation and believe that it was a one time event, that meant nothing.

@rebbel If my husband had agreed to work things out and forgive the hypothetical cheating, then I know he would raise the baby as his own (he is already raising my son as his own and planning to adopt him).

That sounds like a pretty good guy, @Seaofclouds!

@rebbel Thank you, he really is a great guy. I’m very lucky.

I would leave her immediately. I can forgive almost anything but that would be the line with me. No woman or man that has any real respect for their so would have a fling or cheat on them to begin. Maybe I’m old school but that is me. I would have no problem accepting another girls kids as my own however, as long as she didn’t cheat on me.

@Jabe73
That’s an honest answer too, thank you!

@rebbel Not in my case, based on my relationship. But certainly it’s different for different people in different kinds of relationships.

@rebbel Both, if the S/O cheated and it was a one-time thing, I wouldn’t care. Assuming I was financially stable and we wanted to keep the child, all that matters then is that kid will be born and needs parents. But like I said, this is a rare situation and I most likely wouldn’t find myself in it.

Raise him as my own… I hope I would anyway :/

I don’t tolerate cheating whatsoever, so i would not raise someone else’s child as i would no longer be with her.

Sorry to be blunt, but i do feel strongly on it.

@second_guessing
Not blunt, in my view, it’s just your honest opinion.
@Whitsoxdude
I think if you feel that way now, you probably would. Thanks for your answer.
@Blackberry @JeanPaulSartre
Wow, you are both guys that are after my own heart.

Thank you all for opening up and take the time to answer!

@rebbel: It wouldn’t go down that way because even if male then I still wouldn’t believe the “one time only, didn’t mean anything real” spiel- never has been part of my makeup.

10 years ago my then boyfriend and I had a baby who was 100% his. when the baby was 2 we broke up. A year later I got pregnant again by another man who said he didn’t want any kids and left the picture. The father of my first child stepped up and said that he wanted his family back and whatever baby came with that. He has since kept up with this and he calls both children his. even putting his name on youngest birth certificate knowing the baby wasn’t his. we broke up for good a few years ago but he is still daddy to both of them.

We did this on purpose. I couldn’t have another one but she wanted another one really bad. we talked about it for about 2 years. we looked in to IVF (cost way way too much), adoption (only readily available children are mentally or physically challenged – call me a shit head but NO) and we didn’t want to foster as we like unbroken everything and dont want to get attached only to let the child go later.
SO, we decided to use a donor. We found a guy that I found tolerable, but didnt hang out with. She thought he was a good guy and kind of liked him. We agreed to some rules and she had sex with him as often as she could. Some times it was at his place, others at ours. Sometimes I was in the other room or gone and a couple of times I participated. 3 months later she tested positive.
We didn’t tell him it was his as we didn’t want extra distractions and such. we will tell Jr. about it if he asks questions later in life, till then, we just ‘didn’t realize’ we love him with all our hearts and was just what we wanted.
Though I wasn’t excited all that much in the beginning, i was fine with it after a while, that she was having sex or ‘getting inseminated’ by another person naturally. In the end, it saved us thousands of dollars.

Lets see… I am 6 months pregnant with either my fiancées baby or my ex’s baby. I didn’t cheat, i was single at the time. My fiancée (Alan) is in the army and has been deployed the whole pregnancy and it was because he was deploying that we broke up 3 months before he was supposed to be leaving because i didn’t think i could handle being away so long. When we broke up i started dating a guy who made me stop thinking about the pain of Alan leaving, but 2 months after we were dating it turned out to be a bad thing so i got out of the relationship. The week my ex and i broke up the condom got stuck inside me and i didn’t know until it came out. Then when i was single it happened to be Alan’s birthday and of course i still cared for him so we had sex and in the moment we were stupid.
They both know everything and it’s very hard to deal with. With Alan being gone and my ex being a ass to me i am not sure what to do. At first i was going to cut my ex out of the picture, but i know how it feels to not have my real dad in my life so i couldn’t see myself doing that.
Right now I’m 6 months pregnant. Alan and i plan to get married when he comes back and he already loves my baby but he’s having a hard time dealing with the fact it could be my ex’s. He says things that are immature about him and to me i find that upsetting because whether he likes it or not he’s going to be in my baby’s life so shouldn’t he be the bigger man and just accept it?
My ex wants to be there for the baby but he pretty much hates me. He got mad at me when i said neither one of them could cut the cord because i don’t want any fighting after i give birth. I’m just trying to be fair for the both of them.
It’s a very hard situation to be in, but then again i put myself in this situation, so whether i like it or not, the only thing that truly matters is it is my baby… and that will never change!