@KatawaGrey Do I know any Moms who work two jobs? I don’t know any single moms who can AFFORD to work two jobs.
I am speaking from my own experience. When I filed for divorce in ’91 my now-ex made $50,000 a year, and was ordered to pay $1000 in support. But this was before it became status quo for child support to be withheld from the paycheck. In other words, he had the freedom to play head games with the support check, and he did. Headgames that I could do nothing about because I had no extra money for an attorney and he did. I was supporting our three kids on a full time, professional daycare income (which I ran out of the house,) while going to school full time in the evenings to get my degree in Education (so I could be on the same schedule as my kids (ame reason I choose daycare for an income…so I wouldn’t have to put my kids in someone else’s’ daycare.) I didn’t have the money to litigate! I knew it would just be a matter of time before my ex would quit paying child support altogether, and he did. Eventually he quit his job at Boeing and began working under the table. When he did resurface with a real job, it was in a different state 2000 miles away—do you have any idea what it would take to litigate across state lines? Was I making close to minimum wage even then, ten years later? Yes. Was he making far more than that? Yes.
Long story short, I’ve BEEN a single Mom. I was for 10 years. I’ve BEEN a child care provider, and invariably it’s the Mothers who bear the brunt of paying for child care while they work, and invariably the fathers who abscond, one way or another, and get away with it because the Mothers don’t make enough money for an attorney to do something about it. So, no. I have yet to find a single Mom who can afford to pay childcare for working two jobs, especially since neither job would be full time, and at least one of them would be 2nd or 3rd shift (have you ever tried to find a 2nd or 3rd shift childcare provider?) And the Moms get no relief from the courts (because the fathers have $13, $15, $20 an hour jobs to Mom’s minimum wage job or two, that let the fathers hire attorneys to keep the Moms beat down and themselves “debt” free.)
So, back to the question, if the dad “makes it” after 20 years, because he sacrifice his children, emotionally or financially, and the Mom is still fighting financially after 20 years because she’s carried all of this on her back….was he the smarter of the two.
I’m really emotional right now, because I speak from experience. And I’ve been watching both of my daughters fight the same damn, unfair, one-sided battle. And watched a lot of other single mothers get the shaft because they can’t do anything about it because they don’t have the money to buy justice.
So, back to the question: Who is smarter. The fathers, who are, by now, financially comfortable, or the single mothers, who are not.