Has anyone's personal experience, or knowledge of, a second round of marriage been better than the first?

In teresting question, @zen_.
I go to sleep now as should you, it’s four around where you live, right?, but i will answer you tomorrow.

My father remarried a crazy woman. He was trying to find someone as different as possible as my mother, and she is, but she’s not very nice (i think my mom is).

So, if you hated your ex, but you liked SOME things about them, just focus on the good things. Unless the bad things were traits that you couldn’t stand in anyone, then just keep in mind that everyone is unique and has their quirks.

I’m heading into my second right now. I’ll let you know in a few years. Would take a superhero to be a better partner than Meghan though.

@zen_ I can see you and I can read you like a book. I hope it goes well for you. Learning from the mistakes of your first will always stand you in good stead, but that doesn’t mean that a second time won’t be a disaster as well. Many people marry repeatedly and never seem to get it right. Just take it slow and don’t rush anything. You know what I’m sayin’.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Ohhhh, is this related to the question from a bit ago…? The girl in class?

Second time around is definately better. Experience is the best teacher. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes the first time.

@SundayKittens Yes, Megs niece Jacqueline.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Oh, I have missed out. I hope you are happy, whatever the details are!

I don’t have any stories from personal experience, but my uncle and his wife divorced and he moved out of state to go soul-searching. He remarried her after a year or two of being on his own. They’ve been together longer than I’ve been alive and couldn’t be happier. It’s one of the strangest love stories I have ever heard.

Hmmm…..you have been asking some very interesting questions of late, zen. :) Hmmm…could <3 be in the air?

—————
In my case, it was not…at all.

What did I learn?

1.That you don’t know a person, until you take either a) a long trip with them or b) live with them.
2.That even if their parents are great people, that is not an indicator that they are normal/nice/fantastic.
3. If they are not emotive during courtship, it is not going to get better later.
4. If they are too emotive during courtship, it is not going to get better later.
5. If they are clingy or aloof, that will be even more prevalent as time wears on.
6. Whatever you thought was “quirky” when you met someone will become “annoying” eventually.
7. If they won’t talk to you about their past relationships, there is something they are hiding.
8. If they have never been to therapy and not dealt with their “baggage” or at least know that they are carrying some…then that’s a challenge.
9. That a second marriage is really unnecessary and probably better for both parties..if you love each other, then just live together….unless you are going to have more children.

That being said…...you may have found someone that is perfect for you. Just be sure to ask the right questions, be observant and don’t have sex…...until you are sure…..because sex changes everything. Reason goes out the window when sex enters the boudoir. And if that has already happened…just be careful. (I sound like your mom. Sorry.)

zen…we all are pulling for you, you know that

From what I’ve observed over many years, it depends entirely on the two people involved and how hard they’re able and willing to work. I’ve watched friends divorce, marry again, and then live happily ever after. I’ve seen some who thought they were marrying the exact opposite type and then have to go through another divorce, sometimes within a year. And I’ve known a few who kept remarrying the same type every time and, what a surprise, divorce(s). One divorce was enough for me.

Thanks jells.

@SundayKittens Trill and Darling; Yup. Maybe. I dunno. (I can’t make the font any smaller – I wanted it to get progressively smaller from Yup to I dunno. Founders: can you make it so?)

My second marriage is infinitely better than the first – I learned what I hypothesized – that I must be with a smarter person than my ex husband.

My first marriage failed because my husband decided he didn’t want to be a husband and father after the fact.

My second (and current) marriage is a lot better because my husband and I both know what we want out of life and our relationship. He knew he wanted to be a husband and to have a family (which was good since I already had a son).

What I’ve learned from previous relationships is what I want in a relationship and what I don’t want in a relationship. Knowing that made a huge difference when I got into this relationship and when my husband asked me to marry him.

@zen_ Don’t marry in depression, make sure the other party is prepared to work at the marriage and just doesn’t want a meal ticket, which were my mistakes first time around.

For success both parties must actually talk (for some strange reason!) and be completely honest at all times, getting to know each others’ foibles and quirks, but also realising that not all such will surface during courtship. Once married both should be prepared to be good forgivers ans still keep the lines of communication open.

Also be prepared to compromise and always listen, and don’t always insist on being right, because there are times when you will be wrong.

I like to think my wife’s second marriage is better than the first.

@Andreas Don’t marry in depression (I’m not, nor is she – I think), make sure the other party is prepared to work at the marriage and just doesn’t want a meal ticket, which were my mistakes first time around. (Not mine – but words of wisdom)

For success both parties must actually talk (true dat) and be completely honest at all times, (we disagree here; no-one wants complete and brutal honesty – it’s a myth and a line for romance novels, imho) getting to know each others’ foibles and quirks, but also realizing that not all such will surface during courtship. Once married both should be prepared to be good forgivers and still keep the lines of communication open. (still??? right after getting married you’re already ignoring her? ~)

Also be prepared to compromise and always listen, (I don’t compromise and could you repeat that – I wasn’t listening) and don’t always insist on being right, because there are times when you will be wrong. (No, there won’t be because of the former.)

But thanks for sharing how you feel.

Anybody else a little less whipped want to share their experience and advice?

;-) Lurve ya Andy.

I am working toward a second marriage as I type! I have been with the guy I am dating awhile now and it is much better than my first marriage for a couple of reasons. One is that I do not sublimate with this guy. I know he loves me and that even though I can be challenging I know that is quite surprising to hear I know he wants to work through things. Another factor is that we are older and much more mature than when I got into my first marriage. I think as “grown-ups” we have a better idea of what really matters and what doesn’t and we are getting better at not sweating the little things. In our case though I think the biggest difference is a commitment to constant self-inventory and review of what works and what doesn’t and consistently working on what we can do to make things work well between us and help us grow as a couple. We have come to the conclusion that getting that done is mostly about communicating with each other openly, honestly, and respectfully.

@zen_ Thanks for the chuckle. And, all the best! And GA.

@SuperMouse Well said. GA. What works for one couple may not for another, but that’s OK. We must learn what’s right for our own individual situation.

I am on my third. I am finally married to a good guy. My first husband got hooked on drugs. Kind of biker type of guy. Second marriage went through a middle age crisis and I was not young, or exciting enough for him. ( not a biker type guy), I am on my third. He is a good guy. He does not drink or do drugs. and he is older by 11 years, so alittle past middle age. ( He is not a biker, a bit of prep) I correct my mistakes see.

I never remarried. The last time I read the stats, the divorce rate was higher for subsequent marriages than for the first.

I don’t think it’s possible to have a better relationship than I had with Meghan, she was an angel. But if two lonely and vulnerable people can love and help each other, that’s close enough for getting on with.

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Heck yeah!!!!

Difficult to say if i am honest, my marriage ended because of circumstances that were out-with both our control, i am currently with someone else…who is completely different to my ex in every way. Now whether that is on purpose or not….is purely unconscious.

I was happy then and am happy now.

@perspicacious I never married again, either. Stats. I hear she wasn’t much of a second marriage anyway, that stats.—Sour grapes? Maybe.

@zen_ I thought I never would either, that lasted about 9 months. If it weren’t for J and her special circumstances I probably wouldn’t; I wasn’t looking and was determined not to look.

Yes, I was surprised, based on our past conversations. Good on you.

I was married when I was 20 and it lasted 16 years. Then I was single for 17 years until I moved to Australia to be with the man I call my husband now. But we are actually not married, (we live in sin, it’s ever so much more titillating!). Before I moved here we planned on getting married but when I was actually here it seemed to lose its importance to us. So we have been together now for 12 years or it will be in a couple of days. I think we will probably be together until we die, but just in case we get sick of each other before that happens, it will be easier to separate without that little piece of paper. All we will have to do is figure out an equitable split of assets, acquisitions, cars, tools, dogs, etc. heheheh, we will probably stay together if for no other reason than it is too hard to split!