Why does he take me back if he wants to keep me at a distance?

Why do you keep going back to him?

He probably keeps you at a distance because he thinks you are just going to leave again. Why do you keep leaving and going back? I think your dream means you are afraid that one day he’ll be the one to leave you. That or it was your subconscious trying to give you a hint about what you are doing to him.

I left the first time because he did not want a relationship and I fell in love with him. it hurt too much to spend time with him know ing I could not have him.

How did you leave him if he didn’t want a relationship? You can’t leave someone you aren’t with. What kind of relationship do you actually have with him?

I keep going back to him becasue I never stopped loving him. He was never far from my thoughts.

I quit taking his calls and started ignoring him. When we first met it was as if we had known each toerh for a long time. we sat and talked for hours. We have a friendship; and other things that we do together. He has made the comment to me several times about the fact that i am the one that left him. when i mentioned that i did not think that i neer stood a chance to have him; his comment was that it takes alot of time and patience to be with him.

Are you actually in a relationship with him now that is more than friendship? If you are not in a relationship with him and you know that being just friends with him is only going to hurt you, it makes sense for you to take some space from him so that you aren’t being hurt. If he is giving you grief about giving yourself space when he didn’t want a relationship with you, he is being a bit of a jerk in my opinion. It sounds like he wants you there for what he needs and isn’t really concerned about what you need and want.

The first time it was friends with french benefits if you know what I mean that is why it hurt so much and I had to get away from him. becase the more time i spent with him i was falling in love with him.

the second time i was stupid and selfish and I want more then what he was willing to give because of things that were going on his life. he actually got mad at me this time for leaving and called and yelled at me one day; and asked me why I stopped talking to him because he remembered the last time we were together.

if you think he is only concerned about his needs then why would he call to tell me that he is not ignoring me when we have not talked in a couple of days. he is very protective of me.

I said he is concerned with his needs because you made it sound like he blamed you for protecting yourself when you left because you were getting to attached. When you say you left because you wanted more than he was willing to give, what do you mean exactly? Were you actually in a relationship this time or was it that you wanted one again and he didn’t?

yes; the second time we were closer then the first time. There was tragedy in his life and he did not want to get past this and make our relationship work. He wanted me but he also wanted to sit and destroy everything that he had going for him. I could not sit and watch him destroy himself and us. I do not know if this makes sense

Honestly, it sounds like you are hooked one someone that doesn’t feel the same way about you. You say you were closer, but not in an actual relationship. Why would you want to continue to be with someone that doesn’t feel the same way about you?

I believe that he cares about me I just do not know how much he cares. I d not know why I want to continue being involved with besaides the fact that I love him and I get butterflies in my stomach when he calls or when we are spending time together.

Most men would not even think about taking someone back into their lives that did what I did. I am not exactly sure why he keeps letting me back into his life if he does not care or want to be with me.

You were giving him sex before you left the first time without the commitment of a relationship. You went back and did it again. Then you left and I’m going to guess you are doing it again. At first I thought he was keeping you distant because you kept leaving, but after everything you’ve said, I think he’s keeping you at a distance because he just doesn’t want you any closer. I know this sounds harsh, but if you keep giving him what he wants, he’s going to keep wanting it. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you after 10 years of getting what he wants from you, I don’t think that’s suddenly going to change.

but what does the dream that I had mean then.

I think it shows what you want. You want him to choose to be with you on his own. Sometimes our dreams really don’t mean anything at all. I think it’s time for you to move on personally. This doesn’t really sound healthy.

is that wrong to want him to realize that I could make him happy if he would only give me the chance?

he does call me just to say hello and he says he does not want me to think that he is ignoring me or that he has forgotten about me. . it is not always about what he wants to get from me.
i do understand what you are saying and i appreciate you thoughts. it gives me alot to think about.

It’s not wrong to want it, but how long are you willing to sit by waiting for him to finally realize it? It’s been 10 years already.

I thank you for your repsonse; it has given me alot to think about.

in my experience it’s because he wants something to fall back on, while at the same time freedom to do what he wants. and you going back makes him feel like he has control over you and treat you any way he wants. be strong and tell him how it is :)

Take you back to what?

he never turns me away when I call him again after I have been gone for years. He opens me with open arms but then at the sametime he keeps me a t a certain distance in his life.

He’s a prick. Stay away and you can do it!

@rahonea maybe he is doing someone else’s bidding at your expense.