Should I tell my gf's son's gf that she bears an uncanny resemblance to my ex-gf and that it really weirds me out?

I would definitely get out in the open. You’re grown. You’ve already stated you don’t have any interest in her. The first step in getting past something is to face/meet it head-on. In this case you might find that she is not as similar to your ex as you actually perceive.

I agree with @AmWiser and would only add that you might want to handle it in a light-hearted, almost humorous way so as not to give it unnecessary weight.

Maybe something like “Hey, you know you remind me of an ex-girlfriend, a much nicer, better version of her though.” Keeping it light but putting it out there.

I don’t see how saying anything will help you get past this as you say. You spring that on anyone in that circle and there is IMO no way to not come off creepy by bringing that up. You have already compared her as “thankfully much more personable than her predecessor” and that alone IMO is creepy that you refer to her as her predecessor like you have already considered her as a replacement!

Dude this is something that you need to just let go of and at the very least keep to yourself.

Um – I’ m thinking a “no”. Work it out for yourself, why freak everyone else out.

I wouldn’t say a thing unless you want to creep her out ;)

I am not for getting it out in the open. Then she might evaluate everything you say with an eye toward “Is he thinking about his ex here?”

Plus, it makes your current girlfriend start to wonder.

Instead, I would tell some people that are not in your immediate circle (and not likely to spill the beans) so you can just say out loud how weird it is.

I would also look in the mirror before you have to interact with her and say “Name of son’s GF is her own person. She is not name of your ex.”

I vote no. We don’t need to air every little aspect of our lives. It’s just not appropriate. However, if YOU feel SO strongly about needing to ‘say it’ in order to come clean…that’s the problem.

Where would it stop? My gf had a pair of shorts exactly like your’s…my gf cooked that all the time…it’s more than creepy. I’d think that you must still be attached.

I’d skip it. Why burden them with useless information. No matter how you word it, it looks creepy. Unless you think she is a long lost adopted sibling of your ex just let it pass.
Don’t blow this – for your sake and the sake of your gf-son.

Please don’t mention it. It might only make your girlfriend, her son, and/or her son’s girlfriend uncomfortable, and might possibly continue to do so even after you (hopefully) work through it and see her as an individual.

@Cruiser, “her predecessor” = my gf’s son’s ex-gf—not my ex-gf. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.

@marinelife, Cindy and I have already talked about it a good bit. It’s not an issue, but I appreciate your thoughts.

dont do it.

Heck no don’t do it! She will think about it everytime she is around you even though you say you aren’t interested in her it will trip her up a bit. Just get past it and if you feel you have to mention it do it in a brief and lighthearted manner, not a cathartic serious discussion.

i would not mention it. she may think you’re creepy, and to her, it may make her feel weird toward you. i think some things are better left unsaid (isn’t that a song?) and you can think them, feel them, know them but you don’t have to verbalize them.

I wouldn’t mention it either. I think it will just make things uncomfortable for everyone and could put a strain on all of the relationships. She may not feel comfortable being around you anymore and not want to be around you. If she decides to avoid you, it could cause your girlfriend’s son to stop coming around you and his mom as much, which would put a strain on that relationship. Then your girlfriend will need to plan time with her son and his girlfriend without you around. Definitely not worth it!

Count me in with the don’t mention it crowd. It could be a bell that you won’t be able to unring that bell and you have no control over how anyone might take something like this. Being a girl I will come out and say this: we tend to want to make things about us. I say that because, even though there is no attraction there and your only reason for sharing is to clear your own head, she might not take it that way.

First instinct: don’t say anything. I’ve good instincts.

I would zip it.

Although you are grown and could potentially see everyone dealing with the situation like a grown-up, more often than not, mentioning anything along these lines is more trouble than it’s worth.

It’s not like you’re lying about anything or like it’s a big secret—I wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t have to.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Congrats for saying, “I’ve good….” and not, “I’ve got good….”. ;-)

@kevbo

It could be that if you get to know your gf’s son’s gf as being different from your ex and less reminiscent of your ex, then your discomfort will gradually decrease to negligibility.

@Brian1946 Pretty sure there is nothing grammatically wrong in using ‘have got’ instead of have

If I were the son’s girlfriend, I would not care to hear that. What would I say in reply?
“Gee, that’s, uh, nice?”
“I’m sorry, I’ll try not to.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Maybe so, but I’m actually a different person.”
“How interesting.”
“What a coincidence.”
I can’t think of a single suitable response that isn’t fraught with one thing or another. That means it’s going to be awkward no matter what. And I know I would be thinking of it whenever I was around you and wishing you hadn’t said it. I’d also be wondering what effect your remark had on my boyfriend.

Instead I suggest you focus on the ways that they are not alike, until you can see this young woman for herself and not for the pattern-recognition effect she triggers in you.

Here’s a time when I would apply the reversibility test: if you say nothing now, you always have the choice to say it later; but if you say it, you can’t unsay it. If you make a mistake, it’s not reversible.

Two years down the line, if you still absolutely feel the need, it’ll be “Remember the girlfriend that Sonny used to have? It always bothered me the way she reminded me of Evelyn.” or “Funny how Sonny’s wife used to remind me of Evelyn, but now that I know her better I don’t see the resemblance any more.”

I wouldn’t bring it up unless you want the girl to become more weirded out than you and specifically, towards you. If my bf’s mom’s bf/husband told me something like that then I’d feel all cringy around him ever after.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir “Got” is just not a good word choice, being completely unnecessary. As @Brian1946 was complimenting you on, “I have good instincts.” or “I’ve good instincts.”

@MissA, it depends. Wouldn’t you say “I have got my money’s worth out of this class”? I would, even though I’d choose other wording in formal writing.

@Jeruba Had @Brian1946 not congratulated @Simone_De_Beauvoir for not using it and she then defended using it, I wouldn’t have put my 2-cents worth in about his compliment.

I would think here that anything goes…but, technically, he is correct, I believe.

It is my understanding that if you insisted on using ‘have got’ above, that it would be better to say, “have gotten”.

I am not a formal writer. In the writing I have done, it’s all been light weight, mostly conversational. Having said that, my husband is a stickler for the word ‘got’ and ‘at’. (Kids love it here!).Should someone ask, “Where’s the glass at?” It’s “behind the at”.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir…‘just trying to bridge the gap.

Goodnight again.

Nope don’t do it or be ready for it not being accepted in a good way.Like @Neizvestnaya she might become weirded out. I would too.