Would I be a bad friend to not help her move?

Not your apartment, there are 4 other girls that will be living there, so, no I wouldn’t feel bad about not helping. She does not have to clean the minute she moves in. She can wait for the other girls, who will be living there.

The other girls aren’t moving in for another couple of weeks though. I haven’t seen my bf in 2 months. I just think it’d be really rude for me to have my bf fly in, then automatically we go clean her house. He only has a short stay due to the Military.

I agree with @chyna . It’s her responsibility and she should understand your special circumstances.
Doesn’t matter about the other girls. Her house, her deal.

She has no right to get angry with you for anything. It’s her house, her responsibility. Your boyfriend is only going to be in town for a short while. She can get over herself.

I’d offer to help her out after your boyfriend ships out again, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything.

It is definitely not your responsibility to help her. I think it’s a little bit rude that she didn’t accept your potential “no” very gracefully.

It’s not your responsibility to clean her place, but if it was my friend, I would be doing everything I could to help her when I could. You’ve already helped her with some of the move, so you’re doing what you can. Since your boyfriend is only staying a few days, maybe you could talk to her about helping after your boyfriend leaves again. If she insists on doing it as soon as she gets there, that’s her issue. If she is upset about that, it’s something she will have to deal with. You could ask your boyfriend how he feels about helping her out, but I can understand if you don’t want to do that.

She’s mad at me and I know she’s going to talk about how terrible I am to other people. Honestly, in the first place…I didn’t want to clean that big house and I’m not even strong to lift heavy furniture in and out.

@chelle21689, let her be mad. She could have arranged for other help. This is he problem, not yours, and if you ask me, she’s being extremely immature.

If she’s going to start talking badly about you behind your back because you couldn’t help, what kind of friend is she? Why be friends with someone that would treat you like that?

Maybe you need to rethink the quality of this friendship

So, you guys don’t think it’s selfish of me?

@chelle21689 : Not even remotely. Listen to your Jellies!

Not at all. You have helped her before with getting out of her old place. You haven’t seen your boyfriend in a while and you will only get to see him for a few days. I think she is a bit selfish to expect you to give up time with your boyfriend under those circumstances.

In a few weeks, I’m going to be doing nothing but spending time with my husband. I don’t care who wants me to do anything, it isn’t going to happen (unless it’s an emergency). If my friends can’t understand that I haven’t seen my husband in months and I only get two weeks with him before he has to go back overseas, then I’m going to question my friendships.

Well, when she was moving out most of her family and her did all the work. All I did was vacuum up her room, dump out the trash, and carry some stuff in my car to hold before she moves again. She doesn’t have anyone to help her so I feel really guilty.

But, even if my bf wasn’t coming in town…I’d be working til 6pm. She’d have 9 hours of cleaning, you’d think she’d be done by then LOL

Hm, well try asking you BF if he’ll help you guys clean, if that doesn’t work I’m not sure what to do. I think a good friend should understand the circumstances of a distant relationship, but I think she should at least have you spend a couple of hours or two together. After all….It is distance…

Sounds like she has plenty of family to help, and if she has that many people to gossip to, let them help her clean.

Honestly, I think she’s being melodramatic.

Her parents will be working and her brothers will be at school.

I don’t know how he’d feel about having a 6 hour flight and then start cleaning when he was expecting relaxation time and alone time w/ me.

Do you think 10 hours of cleaning time by herself without me is enough? lol Like I said, I can’t get off work til 6pm if not approved. and then after work I have to pick up my bf. You’d think she’d be done by then.

Not selfish one single bit. Besides, it’s not like you didn’t already help her. Go have fun with your BF and don’t give her/it a second thought.

Her having to clean is not your problem. When my daughter moves, I don’t go clean for her. I have lent her plastic boxes, offered suggestions, but it’s her home, and she is responsible for moving herself. Cleaning her place is not fun. Don’t do it for her, and don’t expect her to do it for you. If she is calling the friendship card on this one, it feels more like manipulation and disrespect of you and your life.

If she wants it done now, she should hire a cleaning service, or wait until it’s convenient for other people’s schedules to help her.

Thanks guys. By the time I’ll be able to help after work and picking my bf up it’ll be 8:30pm. She should be done by now haha… I will ask my bf about it and ask her if there’s anything we can do once he’s situated. But, hopefully she’s not going to wait all day for me to help clean that big ol house!

I would think it would be rude to ask your boyfriend to help clean someone else’s apartment, but that’s just me.

She should understand if she’s your friend. People get mad over the dumbest things. I think you should spend the time with your boyfriend. It’s not your responsibility to help her clean anyway.

does she need to clean all the rooms, surely she only needs to clean the room she will be occupying and the shared areas, will it not be up to the others to clean their rooms? I would offer to help her pack on the days before your fella comes home and unpack etc when he leaves. She should understand, also maybe a botle of wine and a new home card? If she is funny with you after all that. then I am not sure she is the kind of friend you should treasure.

Actually, one other girl will be moving with her so she will have help. But since she doesn’t know her at all (she’ll be meeting her that day) she wants me to keep her company while cleaning! LOL.

thanks guys!

You have already helped her out and are not backing out of a previously made commitment. @sakura has some good advice about offering additional help before and after your boyfriend’s visit and the gift.

If she has one of the other new house-mates there to help, it might be better to let them have their own bonding time.

@Pied_Pfeffer thats true about the bnding thing, the oter girl moving in might not want a crowd of people there when she moves in

What @chyna said plus if your friend is a true good friend she should be happy for you to see your boyfriend and I’m sure she has others including new room mates to do the dirty work!

Your friend should understand your bf situation, especially since you weren’t locked in to help in the first place.

It’s not your responsibility to clean their house. Getting angry is completely unreasonable. She’s focused on herself and what she wants. If I were you I’d take a leaf out of her book and put yourself first.

Tell her to get off her ass and do it herself. ;)

i agree with what seems to be the general consensus here. You are not being selfish for wanting to spend time with your bf that you don’t see very often. Speaking as a guy who has been in a long distance relationship before (10 hr bus ride not sure which is worse…plane for 6 hrs of bus for 10….either way it’s a long time). Your friend, if she is truly your friend, will understand in the long run. She may be put off because she was counting on the extra help and now she knows it isn’t coming, lots of people get put off when plans change. but when she has time to think about it she will probably realize she was the one being selfish, and while she may not apologize, she will at least understand.

if your BF is coming 6 hrs by plane to see you then you should spend as much time as you can with him since you don’t get the chance to very often. Make the best of the time you can whenever you have it.

It’s an unfortunate situation, but I think you’re handling it correctly. I feel like a good thing to do, though, might be to see if you can honestly say that, if neither of these conflicts were in the picture, you would have helped your friend with the housecleaning. If you can answer yes in good conscience, then you’re more than likely solid. If, however, you have to admit that you’re actually relieved that you have these two other commitments so you don’t have to help, your friend might be reacting to a pattern you didn’t recognize yourself (do you often do this?). You might also be inadvertently be cueing that you’re happy to have something else to do. In either case, she doesn’t really have a right to stay angry for too long. But you gotta give her sometime to be frustrated with you… after all, moving is pretty much the worst thing ever – uprooting is always super stressful. I just wouldn’t take the way anyone is acting right now as their personalities and deep -down reactions.

Actually, I’m a reliable person. I’ve always been there when people needed help…a little too much lol. I think you being too nice and always being available makes people kind of take advantage of you. I’m not really talking about her but my sisters always call me up to run errands on their kids, take them here, there, or babysit haha.

Then I wouldn’t worry. If your friend decides to hold a grudge, that’s on her. Don’t press the issue too much and she’s more than likely going to forget about it. IF she starts bad mouthing you to your other friends, though, it’s only going to make a difference if it’s bad enough that people are telling you about it. We all know that people almost inevitably talk about their friends behind their back…and we all know that when we hear those things we might react a certain way when hearing it, but then forget about it. So I think you have a right to be frustrated with your friend, but don’t be worried right now about the consequences. Besides, your boyfriend deserves your attention, right? :-)