How do you help someone who doesn't seem to want it?

It’s really hard to help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. The best thing you can do is try to encourage them to get out and do things other than sitting at home all the time. You can recommend that they get help for their depression, but they have to want to do it in order for it to work. Just be there for them when you can be.

Persevere. Ultimately that really is the only course of action open to you.

Pull the fire alarm.

…go inside… you need to go where they feel safe… always meet them on their grounds and terms…people that are afraid will not want to come out into your world..the chances are they don’t trust what is outside the door

Keep pestering them until they give in and let you near. When people get that far into their depression as to want to just stay put then they really need a push from anyone who will care. See if you can enlist some of your other mutual friends to start going around too, your depressed friend might refuse for awhile but the chances are they will cave in eventually and be persuaded to take other actions to help themselves. Baby steps.

Help them want help.

You could suggest to your friend that they might be dealing with clinical depression. Ask them to look up a self-test on the Web.

Tell them they need to get help with it. They should start by seeing their doctor. Offer to go with them.

Easy. Tell them that there are two things they need to know. One, that in your opinion they have drifted off track and need help getting back. Two, call you when they are ready to get moving and you will be there to help out. Then live your life to the fullest and wait for their call. Nothing, absolutely nothing else works.

You can’t. If you persist, then you are the one who needs help because you’re probably co-dependent.

@SeventhSense You don’t think you’ll ever have someone in your life who is in great need and doesn’t have a ”stop following” option? Maybe you’ve got the right mentality, but I’m not convinced. If you’re right, than I not only have co-dependency issues, I’m projecting them onto the world. Thanks for giving me something to think about, even if you didn’t mean to. . . (is that a co-dependent sentiment? why should I thank you if you didn’t give me anything on purpose, except to encourage you to give me more. . . fuck!)

@zophu
I have known many people in my life that regardless of any and all attempts by well meaning people they did not change. I have watched people kill themselves and O.D. who had love and support. Many people in my youth tried to stop me from using drugs and alcohol. But it was only when I reached out to them that I changed. It had to originate from within for any lasting change.

But yes, do reach out. Do make it available but they must meet you halfway or it only becomes about you and your need to help, control, influence, cajole, change, win or appease your own guilt. The greatest compassion is often like a sword. It penetrates to the heart of the matter but make no mistake it cuts us as well. It’s two edged. You must be willing to cut through your own delusion.

Someday you may laugh when someone you love utters some sage advice that was given them by a friend when you know you had told them the same thing years before. It doesn’t matter. Some truths take years to be understood and when they do they ring through your mind like a bell that illuminates a pattern that can be traced through your entire life. If it’s really about them and them finding the help they need it matters not the source of where that help originates. We’re all one.

From the POV of someone in your friend’s spot, I suggest gentle perseverance. Don’t call/text/whatever daily. But also don’t just toss up your hands and give up. Keep letting them know that you care and are there to help when they decide they want/need it. You can’t force them to fix themselves, though, and pushing too hard may backfire and make them draw away even more.

You simply don’t.

You can be there for them and that’s about it, really. It sucks so so much. Just be happy around them, full of life. It’s contaigious, it’s why laughter is the best medicine. At least that’s what Dr. Oz says. :)

I fully agree with @ucme – persevere. It’s your only choice. If you really want to help them. Because, truthfully – sometimes those that are the hardest to accept help are the ones needing it the most.

And… be creative. Help them change paradigms, invite them to things. Don’t make it obvious you’re trying to directly help them.