Living together before mariage?

Four years of commitment, this shouldn’t change anything except to see that this is an opportunity to show her your respect for her beliefs. I think her father will respect you more as well.

My sister moved out of the tiny apartment she shared with her long term boyfriend after they had been together for about 4 years. They were engaged six months later and married the following year.

My friend’s sister spent five years living with a guy who never popped the question and ended up breaking up with her after they took a big romantic trip.

It sounds like you’re feeling bullied about a bit, so you’re forced into a situation where you either have to propose or be “punished” by having to move out. (Although, if your gf and her dad were really living according to the letter, you’d be moving out regardless of whether you proposed until you actually were married.)

If you really feel like your autonomy is being encroached upon, then don’t ask for the sake of smoothing things over. Move out, make it an opportunity to reinvigorate your relationship with each other (and yourself) and ask when and if you’re ready.

What do yo wnat to do? You are the best one to answer this question.
If her father is unhappy because you are not married, it is his problem.

If you’ve been together 4 yrs and you love her then don’t let her father’s opinion ruin the relationship. I say take the plunge and pop the Q.

I agree with everyone else, don’t let 4 years go down the drain because you have to live separately again, it worked before, didn’t it?

Ask her to marry you, it’ll make you feel better, and then you’ll soon be together as much as you’d like.

After four years, you should both have an idea about whether you want to get married. If you want to marry her, ask. If you don’t, consider this a sign that it’s time to break up and move on.

If her religion is suddenly bothering her and her father is putting pressure on you, it may be that she’s not so sure about things in the long term and has decided that you’re not the one for her.

@Bsilver: “we’ve already invested four years, we can’t break up now” is one of the worst reasons to stay together. If it’s not working and it’s not likely to work, it’s best to just make a clean break, whether you’ve invested four days or 40 years.

Thank you @cwilbur. You said it the best!

In her defense, I think the only thing I can add is: have you ever heard the term “why buy the cow if the milk is free”? Think about it, you are living with her and basically getting all the privileges of marriage without actually shopping for a ring, enduring the ceremony, or having the piece of paper that basically ties you to ONE woman for the rest of your life (or until divorce – which is messier than just breaking up). Why would you ever want to pop the question? And more importantly, WHAT would actually make you do it? Do you honestly feel that she is not thinking this? If she did have religious reservations, she probably had them 2 years ago, but overrode them because she felt your living together was more or less and implied offer of future marriage. Well, now 2 years later, you still haven’t officially asked her, so she is probably thinking that you never will because you got everything you wanted – so why deal with the paper? I think you two need to sit down and go beyond that religious smoke screen (unless she changed churches or had an epiphany, I doubt this is her sole reason) and maturely discuss your relationship so that you both can decide how you are going to proceed (marriage, living together, etc.) or if you are even going to proceed at all. And by the way – respect your father-in-law – but the only people you need to please in your relationship is you two! Good luck to you. I wish you both happiness whatever the outcome.

How much do you really love her? If you truly love her you would want to respect her wishes. It is not an attack of her love for you but it is a statement of her love for Jesus.

Where are you with God and your beliefs? Honor her with respect. If you can’t do that before marriage then, can you after? I’m sure it’s hard for you and you feel hurt and that’s understandable but giving her the boot so to speak is not the answer either. After four years of being with someone and you were just getting around to the thought of marriage maybe you are trying to find a way out yourself. I don’t know only you can answer that. You shouldn’t go into marriage with the thought, “if it don’t work out, I’ll get a divorce.” Marriage is a serious comment and it should be approached as such.