Why are females so indirect?

I ask friends and not the guy cause most the time my guy acts like a jerk when I ask him something and takes it the wrong way.

That doesn’t describe the women I know. Most of them are pretty direct. If they want an answer, they go to the source.

Could it be that guys usually don’t want to discuss these things? Girls like to talk about issues, but most men would rather not see the issue. Myself, I am very direct, which intimidates most men.

Why do men make such sweeping generalizations?

its in their DNA, if they were direct they would be a man, if by fortune you meet one who is stunningly atractive, dont hesitate. they make the best parteners if you have the cahoneys to keep pace with.

I’ve been told I’m too blunt and direct. I have no idea if that has to do with my gender. It’s entirely possible, and it certainly has made me try to be less direct (which I’m now trying to undo…).

There will always be women who consult Cosmo, and men who consult AskMen.com instead of practicing healthy communication, but I haven’t noticed any significant gender divide – often, it seems as if men are the ones who aren’t direct.

@Trillian I approve of this comment.

I am very direct. I think most girls just don’t think they’ll get an answer out of a guy.

As opposed to guys who don’t really care to ask the question of the female or of their friends?

Trust me cowboyBob64 has the ca-honey’s to keep up!

I’ve noticed both males and females doing this, particularly when they are younger. Either way, it’s odd when people go out of their way to be so completely indirect. If it’s an inquiry of casual speculation, it makes a little more sense… but when they are even remotely invested, why seek secondary sources? Advice is one thing, but expecting to find answers? That’s silly.

When men feel something is very important and requires a discussion, then being indirect is not useful. sometimes we are when we feel direct approach would be hurtful.

I’m direct.Most of my female friends are direct.That’s why I like them.
The women that are indirect are really just chickens in women suits ;)

Too many women wearing Chicken suits and giving them a bad name.

@Trillian
You meant some men, right? ;-)

Women think that there’s more to men than there actually is, in many cases. Most men are not as complicated as women would like to make them.

@rebbel Yes ducky, I was making a point to the OP and trying to be funny at the same time. You know, bustin’ his chops. ;-)

@Trillian
Okay, understood, we are good again :-)

Some females are indirect. Get it right.

@cowboyBob64 -I don’t waste much time on that type of person,if I have a choice in the matter.Life is too short :)

I’m female and my nature is to be direct. When men have been wishy washy with me but then wanted something then I’ve been indirect.

Over generalization if ever I saw one. Some women are indirect, much like some men out there. Direct is the only way to go if you want an answer as opposed to a guess from a secondary source.
I prefer the direct approach.

This Q remind me of an actual conversation I witnessed in my 20s. Somehow, the three guys I was with started speculating on the nature and experience of the female orgasm. Unbelievably, this continued for a good ten minutes with one of the guy’s gf’s sitting right there with us and them not asking her perspective and her not saying a word. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “well, why don’t we just ask the horse?” which was secretly funny because I got away with calling the guy’s gf a horse, but also amazingly created an instant consensus among these weirdos to move on to the next topic of conversation, because obviously who would even contemplate piercing that veil. Weird.

@kevbo I’ve had that experience many times. Why ask someone who would know when you can ask those who would sympathize?

Alot of times guys don’t want to talk about there feelings.

I would just like to say that I don’t think this is sexist because I have seen this behavior a lot in other women and myself. I can’t speak for other women, but I am so indirect because I feel as if what I want to know is stupid or I feel as if I should be ale to figure it out.

I think @KatawaGrey makes a good point, I know that sometimes I feel like I should be able to figure it out and I feel kind of stupid admitting that I am not able to. Another reason might be that we ladies are conditioned to believe that men do not like to talk about their feelings. With that in mind I tend not to ask too many questions because I feel like it might cause undo stress, make them feel uncomfortable, or it might feel like I am prying.

I guess I’ve been married to long to notice that in women. My wife is very direct to the point of scuffing me up sometimes.

Sometimes it is just that we (both men and women) just want to discuss a subject with our peers, not really find an answer.

My last GF would ask me a direct question, then go to the bar and ask her friends the same question. She already had the answer she wanted, she just wanted to talk about something with the Girls.

@WestRiverrat Are the girls aware of her little game? Sounds like manipulation to me.

@MissA I don’t think it was manipulation, more just BSing with her friends. From the bits of conversations I have overheard, her friends did the same thing.

Heck us guys would do it too. None of it was malicious or ill tempered.

Indirect? Really, Almost every woman I’ve known has been direct as hell. Plus, I know plenty of guys, good friends included, who wouldn’t know how to be direct if they had a compass stitched to the foreheads. That’s quite a generalization, @jerv.

@WestRiverrat Ahhh…I get it…mindless bar chatter.

Guess as long as everyone recognizes it as such, no harm done, right? Is that as deep as it gets?

@Austinlad…..BRAVO to the man from the Third Coast! Well said!

A friend of mine (a woman, mind you) has put the entire problem succinctly and perfectly:

“Boys are stupid. Girls are crazy.”

I feel like as long as you take what a guy says at face value and don’t overthink it, you’ll be insanely good with men. I feel like if you’re a guy and a woman is upset about what happened, if you ask how she feels you can avoid talking about your feelings and you’ll get to the root of the issue more often than not.

It’s weird, but that phrase seems to encompass the problem SO often.

Word.

And the word is “Oy.”

@chyna “As opposed to guys who don’t really care to ask the question of the female or of their friends?”
I’ve been asking my wife for years and still not gotten an answer. Either she doesn’t know, or she’s been lying to me for over a decade. I am inclined to believe the former. I’d ask my female friends if I had any, but I don’t have many friends period and the few I do have are all guys.

@Trillian “Why do men make such sweeping generalizations?”
That door swings both ways, so the only answer I can think of is, “Because we are human too.”

@iamthemob My wife agrees.

Dammit @jerv That was so long ago I’ve already forgotten. I was just having some fun with you. Did you not see what I said to @rebbel? I only said that because your initial question was a generalization. Friends?

Kinda off-topic-ish, but I read an article in Maxim where they got five couples to test out some of the “ZOMG SEX TIPS!” from Cosmo. They all failed. Hilariously.

Now, I haven’t cracked the spine of a Cosmo since I was 17, so I don’t have a clue what they’re writing about guys in them now, but even then, it was all pretty ridiculous. I think anyone taking a fashion magazine as real life relationship advice (and not just something to pass the time), probably isn’t someone you want to waste your time explaining your innermost thoughts to.

@Seek_Kolinahr It’s pretty much the same, only with less material. They did suggest that you use your thong as a make-shift hair tie (no, they didn’t specify if it should be a clean thong…).

And, of course, Cracked’s 7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital

@papayalily – the pepper one was one of the tips Maxim did. ^_^

@Trillian I occasionally miss things, and haven’t seen anything you’ve said that could be considered offensive, so no harm, no foul :)

@Seek_Kolinahr I’m always so amused by the “jiggle them like they’re dice” and the “pretend it’s an Atari joystick” ones. It just makes it so much more complicated than it needs to be – it’s a penis, not a calculus problem.

@papayalily I’m with you here!

@MissA I normally believe that men and women are equally complicated/simple, and it really depends on the individual instead of the gender, but those are the suggestions that make me see where @BarnacleBill is coming from.

Yep.

I think it is a matter of a woman’s personality. I think genders are conditioned to behave a certain way. I know many direct women. I prefer direct women. I guess there are some guys that like the games however.

@papayalily Say penis again, but slowly. Thanks.

I for one, am very direct, unless I am unsure what to say. Some girls I know are very indirect because they don’t want to offend anybody.

@amazonstorm, agreed—and of course it’s true for both genders.

I agree that the question is overly general, as has been pointed out (and Jerv explained why). But I think the answer lies within that concept of generalization—if I ask one person his/her opinion of something, I get his/her opinion. This may or may not be the thinking of all such people. If a magazine does a survey, I get a sense of the average thoughts (not one person’s thoughts) or I can see that 45% of men responded in x fashion. It can give me general ideas on a group’s responses to a topic.

I can ask direct questions of specific people if I want to know more about the specific person, but sometimes I am trying to understand the thinking of the group. There are patterns (when taken to extreme we call them stereotypes). Think about how many emails you receive that show cartoons or stories about “Men and how they think” or “women drivers.” They aren’t even funny but we can sometimes see elements that support our own experiences and beliefs (also true with the magazine surveys). I think it is a way of assuring ourselves that we, and by extension, our thoughts, are normal.

Okay everyone, let’s give @Kayak8 a round of applause. GA+

@Seek_Kolinahr I’m with you, I haven’t looked at Cosmo in years. The last time I picked one up, the article on “How to Let a Guy Know You Are Interested” started out with rule number one: Look at his crotch and lick your lips.
I put it down and never picked another one up again.

@chyna that particular method never fails for me. Why on earth would you have a problem with it?~

@zen_ Peeeeeeennnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss. :-)

Wow, it’s really obnoxious and unnecessary when people barge into threads like these, and say “OMG STOP GENERALIZING, NOT ALL (FILL IN THE BLANK)s DO THIS.” Then they leave and contribute nothing worthwhile to the discussion. The point of the question is still the same, whether or not the OP remembered to write ‘some.’ Get the fuck over it.

Sometimes females just need to vent, so they talk about that stuff with their girlfriends. The stuff published in magazines is crap; their target audience is like 14 year old girls who are too naive to realize it’s crap (i.e., 50 ways to get any guy you want!)

@le_inferno I thought that friends were for venting. I mean, I tell my buddies stuff I won’t publish on the Internet or submit for print in a publication that circulates to millions of viewers. Do people not realize the size of the audience for those mediums, or are we just that much of an exhibitionist society?