(NSFW) Why Can't I orgasm?

Are you able to orgasm on your own? If so, can you introduce whatever elements you’re using there into the sex you have with your boyfriend?

In my experience, most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and many sexual positions don’t really achieve this. You or he could use your hands, or try positions that have more access to the clitoris.

Many women need manual stimulation to achieve orgasm. Have your boyfriend spend a lot of time on foreplay both stimulating your clitoris with his finger and penetrating your vagina at the same time.

He can also perform cunnilingus on you alternating between your clitoris and your vagina.

Once you have achieved orgasm, then he can enter you.

He does stimulate me. A lot. That is one of the reasons he is so upset that he cant make me cum

Things he can do.

Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. This is the part of them that would have turned into a penis, had they developed as males – and it’s just as important to women as the penis is to a man.
Remember that love, romance, cuddling and a good atmosphere turn women on in the early stages of a sex session – just as much as your caresses do.
Take your time.
Caress her breasts – a few women learn to climax through breast fondling alone.
Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man ‘goes down’ on them.
Don’t be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.
Don’t hesitate to use a vibrator, if she likes the idea. The new ‘tongue vibrators’ may be helpful.
Have some sex sessions, where you encourage her to take the initiative and to decide the agenda.
If you lose control and come before her, do try to summon some energy to kiss and stimulate her, so that she can climax too.
Do tell her that she’s marvellous, sexy and beautiful.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

@BoBo1946….Well, knock me over with a feather! Who would have thunk you’d give an answer like that?! You never cease to amaze and mystify. :)

Who can add to that? Not me. And I don’t think even Dr. Ruth can. :)

@BoBo1946 : Yeah, I was lurking, and it is a really good answer.
Lurve for you, man! If I could give it more than once, I would, but you know how this place works.

Just out of curiosity, are you taking any medications?

I think you both need to take the pressure off. Worrying about not being able to climax will only make it harder to achieve.

@DarlingRhadamanthus and @troubleinharlem why thank you!

yes i do. I take intuniv, lexapro, lamictal (for ADHD and mood stabalizers(idkhow to spell them all) and Yaz for birth control.

Antidepressants and similar medications can often have sexual side effects. SSRI’s have been shown to dimish the sensation of orgasm for some people. You might want to talk to your doctor about the effects of your medication on your sex life. I know that my inability to achieve orgasm while taking SSRI’s ultimately drove me to quit taking them.

@DarlingRhadamanthus got to thinking about your comment….why were you blown away by my answer? Just curious!

@babybear1740 – You’ve been given some great advice. The only thing I can add is that when I was on Lexapro, sex was barely on my radar and there was no such thing as an orgasm. About 3 or 4 weeks after going off it, I was back to normal. I currently take lamictal and have no trouble with orgasm. But that’s just me. I would talk to your prescribing physician about this.

@babybear1740 Ah. Lexapro. I concur with @tedibear on that…

Ok, now, how do i convince him that it isnt his fault. he is AMAZING at what he does, but because i need breaks and can’t orgasm, he is depressed. what do i do?

@babybear1740 if it is your medication then it should be simple to explain. That has absolutely nothing to do with him. Talk to your doctor, see what your alternatives are.

I dont really have much to add, except a link. there is a condition known as anorgasmia that prevents people from reaching orgazm. a condition that is mostly found in females.

here is a link that talks about overcoming the problem.

I had to learn how to relax through experience when I first started out. It sounds like your boyfriend is really trying to please you and you like what he’s doing. Just keep working on it. And try oral, if you’re both willing.

it sounds like it could be the meds… have you been able to O in the past? were you on the meds then? my advice is to try being on top and maybe show him some literature on the impact that medication can have on your sexual drive.

All aside, I’ve only read physical remidies thus far… Stimulate the largest sex organ first… Yes! That one between your ears. ;)
think, anticipate, day-dream, visualize about making love and climaxing with your boyfriend… Anticipate by exchanging notes, emails pics texts etc. See yourself doing so, and then relax when things actually do begin to happen later. And if it doesn’t happen, don’t put too much weight on it, just repete later! ;)

I’d like to chime in to agree that medication-caused sexual dysfunction is very real and can be incredibly frustrating to both parties when it comes to being intimate. I’ve had experience on both sides of the situation. If this is the cause, it’s good in a way because it shows 100% that it’s not your boyfriend, and it’s also not really you, either.

I actually have a fair amount of experience with this situation, if you have any questions. My longest LTR was 2.5 years, she took Paxil, which killed her general desire for sex, not to mention she either couldn’t get going or couldn’t orgasm. Not all the time, but it definitely made a mark on our sex life and was something we regularly had to contend with.

The only thing that we found to work against medication-induced sexual dysfunction is marijuana. The doctors would not prescribe her Viagra, though studies have shown that it does work for women and she wanted to try it. We tried pills (supplements) to increase libido, a kind of lube-like liquid that’s applied to the genitals that is supposed to stimulate arousal, and some other things I am not remembering. Point being, nothing worked but pot. We were able to get busy if she were to smoke right beforehand, and we had a window of about 15–30 minutes to get started before the effects began to wear off.

It’s the Lexapro!

I believe a lot has to do with letting go/relaxing to let your body react fully, to let yourself give in if you want to wriggle, grind, yell out, whatever. It took a few years of having great sex for me to orgasm during it no matter what my partners tried and then a few years of only being able to come in a particular position before I got with a partner I totally trusted no matter what and felt attractive in front of no matter what I did or wanted and then I found I could almost not have orgasms. Try going as slow as you two can, try to not come at all, either of you and see what happens.

I agree with foreplay, I don’t think it’s something that’s wrong with your body, you might just not be aroused enough to reach a climax, have you ever had an orgasm from Masturbation? (if you’ve ever masturbated before)

Statistically only 1 in 3 women have ever had an orgasm and only 1 in 4 have a regular orgasm.

First you probably want to get rid of the drugs. Don’t know of too many that actually produce significant results, especially considering the side effects.

I dare say that getting relaxed before hand is a big part of it and the guy is the key to that. He has to be willing to focus on your needs and desires versus going for his. Foreplay is very important and he has to work you up gradually at your pace. The clitoris is the key, which too many men either miss altogether or play with too little. He has to realize that you won’t just pop up and be ready to go even with clitoral stimulations. Work is slow and gentle at first and then let it build. Tell him what you want and how to do it. Have him give you one or more orgasms before he even tries for his. Yes you,unlike men, can easily have multiple orgasms. With pratice you can have yours and then time it so that you both have an orgasm at the same time. Awsome experience.

This is from a man who has been giving his wife her orgasms 90+% of the time for almost 20 years.

Yea ive masturbated, but i cant orgasm even then. and I cant get rid of my medication because i need that to stay calm and focused

@babybear1740 – Have you discussed other medication with your doctor? I’m on an anti-depressant now that does not interfere with my ability to orgasm. When I was on Lexapro, it was extremely rare that I could.

well i am now on intuniv and my doctor said i may be able to decrees on lexapro and lamictal