What do you do when the man your with wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but doesn't believe in marriage?

Are you sure the only reason he doesn’t believe in marriage is because of the divorce rates? Or is there more to it? I’m not necessarily against marriage, but in the name of true love, I also think it isn’t necessary. The divorce rates have nothing to do with my beliefs on the matter.

That said, if that’s how he really feels, then you should respect it, and you shouldn’t be trying to change his mind. You shouldn’t be trying to convince him of anything. Why is it that marriage is so important to you? I think all you can do is sit down with him, explain why it matters so much to you, and then give him a chance to explain his side. If marriage is not an absolute must for you, then I think you should probably drop it. If it is an absolute must, then you may have to seriously reconsider your relationship.

Why buy the cow if the milk is free?

The thing is he’d marry me. He’s propose eventually; however, I want to just bring up pointsto him just so he can see the good things from marriage. Feel free anyone who is married who can give to perspective.

Do you want to be with him? Marraige is an archaic institution. All it does now adays is provide a tax benefit. If you are in good money, either seperately or together, you don’t need to get married. Just fucking be happy!

Just tell him what you think is good about marriage. Your views of marriage are likely to be very different from other peoples. Some people only look at the legal aspects of it. Others think of it as furthering their connection. Some people think of it as a very spiritual thing. It just depends on your feelings about it.

For my husband and I, we wanted to do it as another way of being connected and because of the benefits of being married (in the eyes of the military). He’s in the Army, so being married makes a huge difference in things for us. If we wouldn’t have gotten married, following him around the country would have been a bit harder and really harder if we ever go overseas.

My daughter faced this identical situation. she was with Jack(not his real name) for five years. Jack was not a huggy person, according to my daughter. he was not capable of showing love to my daughter. his parents were the same way. for two or three years, my daughter kept telling Jack to either marry me or she was leaving. Jack shrugged this off and ignored my daughter for another year. my daughter finally had had enough. she made arrangements to move in with her daughter for a while. i am proud of my daughter. she was in a no win situation with a man that could not express his love for her. marriage was out of the question. i believe Jack loved my daughter and vice versa. i believe that my daughter was giving love, but none was given in return. if this is your situation, make a move to make your life happier. life is too short to be stuck with one person that his only love is the love he has for himself.

Never, ever, ever attempt to convince a man that marriage is the way to go. Why?

Because in the end, even if he does marry you, he will resent that it was not his idea in the first place…in a future argument, he will say you forced him into something that he did not believe in. I realize what you are saying (the he will marry you anyway) but what I hear is that he really does not want to because he doesn’t believe in it and that you are still trying to change his mind about the whole institution. Oprah always says for women to “Pay attention to what a man tells you” and go by that not by how he can be changed.

Let it be and let it go. Let him make the decision on his own. I would love to tell you that marriage is the best thing since sliced bread, but I can’t….because that’s not true.

However, no matter how I might feel, I realize that it’s what you want…so if you are serious about marriage then I recommend the book, “Getting to I Do.” If you read that, you will find the answers you need and figure out why he feels the way he does. It’s a book for the marriage-minded woman who is with a non-marriage minded guy…and why things might not be progressing. Full of good information.

Good luck.

Live with him forever, but don’t marry him.

I would suggest to him to think about the possibility of something happening to either of you. It’s easier for a wife/husband to give permission for treatment than a live in partner. My youngest son feels it will take the excitement out of the relationship if they marry. Maybe your guy feels the same way. I understand both sides but I too like the idea of long happy marriages like ours.Good Luck.

Having a happy, loving lifetime relationship doesn’t require a legal document. Can you tell us more why this is so important to you? That will probably help us to answer the question.

@john65— I’m sorry for your daughter. That situation is definitely not identical to mine because all this man does is show me love. 24/7. He gets me flowers for no reason at all, he’s constitantly looking out for me, and we say I love you about 35 times a day. He will propose to me because all he wants to do is make me happy but I WANT him to want to think of marriage as a sacred and deep connection of two people. I want him to be more open minded about it. I’ll never leav him because he’s too good of a man and I’ve yet to meet someone as amazing as him. I just want him to be more open minded and give him positive aspects of marriage and that’s where you guys come in. Anyone who is married can help me out? I don’t want him to marry me because I want to. I want him to believe in marriage! Either way he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Also he has never really told me this. My friend told me he felt this way. I knew he wasn’t crazy about marriages because he hears too much of divorce and doesn’t want to be away from me. I think he’s afraid if we marry we will divorce. He wants children. I should have rephrased the question. He’s not completely against marriage. In fact he said he will get married one day but he doesn’t really believe in itbecause of all the BAD things he hears about it. He always talks about divorce rates. He’s not against it where he says ” I don’t believe in marriage and I’ll never marry”. It’s more like ” I wish people didn’t get divorced as much. I don’t need marriage to how my commitment or love for someone”. Now I’m basically asking, for those of you who are married. What are the benefits and positive things that you have versus couples who are unmarried? Deeper connection etc.

You said you’re a hopeless romantic, which means you are fueled by hope…..There is no logical reason to get married if you’re already loving each other to the highest degree. I won’t state whether you guys even really love each other, but your man is right in a rational sense. Why would you even ask for ways to change him?

@missjena I’m curious, what do you think marriage will change about your relationship? Like @Pied_Pfeffer said, if you explain to us what is important to you about marriage, we may be able to give you some advice on how to explain that to him. You mention a deeper connection, but for me, getting married didn’t deepen our connection. It just connected us in another way (legally). We already had a very deep connection before we got married. One of the positives (to me) is having the same name (but you don’t really need marriage to have that). I like that I am Mrs. ______, that we are the _____ family, and that our children will have our last name instead of choosing between his name or my name.

Ok I’ll explain what marriage means to me when I canuse a computer and not my phone. I’ll also answer after someone answer my question that I’ve asked several time. What are the positive benefits fr those who are married? Tell me about your marriage.

@missjena I answered your question in two different places, did you see my answers?

For me, it is a requirement if I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé. In order to move to England on a Fiancé Visa, we are required to marry within 3 months or I risk deportation. There are also financial benefits, but those are the least of our worries. While we both want to marry and have no problem with the time-frame, if either one of us didn’t want to marry, we would both be fine with it.

I do not want to have kids in a marriage-less relationship.