Should I be upset/concerned about this or am I overreacting?

You kinda answered your own question when you wrote ‘I reserve anyone the right to hook up with virtually anyone they want’..... Guy must have already understood your position on life and took heed. So maybe you should let by gones be by gones.

There’s an unwritten code that is usually proper to follow where you don’t make a move on someone you know your friend likes. Your friend could have waited to see if it would even work out, but yeah I also agree if you weren’t dating it’s free game.

They are both jackasses.

you’re being unreasonable. If you’re not actually with the guy, you have no claims to him. You’ve been “interested” in him for a while, but haven’t done anything about it? He’s fair game, and your Friend was perfectly within her rights to assume that you weren’t going to do anything about it.

The lesson isn’t that you should choose your friends more carefully. The lesson is that if you like a guy and want to start something with him, don’t be a pansy about it – DO IT.

Both “Friend” and “Guy” were being inconsiderate in the extreme. I think you are right in not wanting anything else to do with either of them.

Your “friend” and I use the word loosely was certainly out of bounds to make a move for the guy you were interested in on your birthday right in front of you.

The Guy has no such obligations, but it sure doesn’t bode well for trying to have something going with him.

I would drop both of them.

I say that although it sucks what your friends did, the laws of attraction are at play and your friends apparently had it going and my guess this has been brewing for a time. Lick your wounds and hold your head up high especially around your tacky friends.

You said you’ve been seeing Guy for a while, and that your other friends were aware of that. Friend is obviously not a good friend, so if I were you she would be “downgraded” to acquaintance. Guy is either not reliable, not really as interested as he seemed, or trying to play games on you, so maybe approach him with caution, too. The good news is – you gained important information and didn’t lose anything you actually had.

You can’t trust girlfriends with guys you like. That’s just the way it is if the guy is good looking. I wouldn’t drop her or anything but I would have lesser feelings for him and I’d keep looking.

you aren’t overreacting. all signs point to Friend being a really SHITTY friend and Guy being not at all worth your time, and also shitty.

you say this happened at the end of the night. If you had not made it clear by then that you were focusing on Guy, both Guy and Friend may have just figured you weren’t all that interested. Were you planning on hooking up with Guy that night? Did you expect him to hang out just waiting to see if you took him home for the night?

When out with a group, and that special person is also along, you need to make your intention clear; how long was Guy supposed to wait to find out whether or not you were more than interested?

Unless he left with her, you don’t know that anything happened. It sounds like your interpretation of the relationship with the guy was different than his. You were interested, he was okay with hanging around until “something else” came along.

Friend is not friend, guy is not boyfriend.

@AmWiser @MrItty , You’re right, and I’m not trying to flip-flop and say one thing and mean another. However, I just think there is a certain amount of tact that could have been used by both of them – exchange numbers and get together later or some other time, not in the middle of the room on my birthday. I actually toned a lot of the story down, this “Friend” actually started putting me down and bringing up embarrassing situations I was involved in front of Guy, obviously for a particular reason. If that’s where the line of friendship is drawn, meaning, we’re friends up until it comes to some dude you’re interested in, it’s just not much of a friendship to me in the first place.

Each day is a learning lesson and you just had yours. this person could have waited for a more “opertune time” to hit on the other person, but maybe that was the intent of the situation in the first place. to make a statement? maybe. anyway, this was just another lesson in life that you have experienced. you have learned that some people are not what you thought they were. right? learn from this lesson…...you have just started in life. there will be more.

@zenvelo I was actually in the middle of trying to hold a private conversation with Guy when Friend came up and threw himself on Guy’s lap.

I think your friend might be doing this on purpose, as you mentioned that A) she knows you are interested in the guy and B) the advances were obvious and direct (presumably with you around to see it).

I think they were both inconsiderate. I don’t think your upset is an over-reaction. They don’t seem like genuine friends.

The added information means that “friend” was way out of line, and should be shunned. Given her sabotage, it’s up to you to decide to give Guy another chance or, if you feel he was too much of a jerk, write him off.

Though I agree they’re both free to pursue who they want, since both of them knew you kind of had a crush on “Guy” and so for them to hook up under you nose and at a gathering held specifically in your honor, that part was tasteless and inconsiderate. You’ll meet lots of people like that in your life but you don’t have to make them friends in order to be cordial acquaintances.

dear @Disc2021 I had a friend like this, we were best friends from childhood. This friend would behave exactly as you describe. I knew this friend for many years, and when we were much, much older, during my divorce, she kicked me in the teeth with a betrayal that took my breath away. just sayin

Disc….This “Friend” was not a friend. Her timing was tasteless and hurtful….especially if she knew how you felt. I am constantly amazed at how women will do this to other women. I don’t understand this. I never have.

Drop them both….you need true friendship not people like this.

I say lesson learned. I’d be a little pissed about the situation also.

My advice is, stop worrying about how you ‘should’ be feeling, and figure out how you really feel about it. Then, take care of sorting out your emotional needs based on that.