If you have a guest staying with you and they go in and open and read your email, how would you handle it?

I’d ask them why they’re doing this and then tell them to find elsewhere to stay.

I would ask the guest about my opened email.

I would not ask this person to stay with me again.

I would close my email program.

They would no longer be a house guest.

I would be pissed! Of course, you should be shutting your computer down and have it password protected but it’s too late for what has already been read. I would ask them why they were doing it, tell them you don’t appreciate it and not invite them back.

They actually purposefully did this? Or did they go online, and accidentally open it, but close it down as soon as they realise? Are they a close friend, or are you just doing them a favour, having them as a house guest? If it’s the latter, then goodbye house-guest. If it’s the former, I’d give them a very puzzled look and ask them how they would feel if the situation was reversed…

Angrily! There would be some discussion.

Throw then out of my house because they have no right to look into my personal things.

I’d confront them and most likely tell them they need to find somewhere else to stay.

@harple This person asked my permission to send an email to a friend and I said yes. Then she was on the look out for her response from them. While doing so she saw a few personal names vs. businesses, and opened them and read them. When I got up in the morning, she announced who had emailed me and what they had to say. I was so shocked, I was at a loss for words. I can’t just throw her out, she is from another country and I invited her to stay with me. Perhaps that is something that is okay in her country, but not here. I just don’t know how to say something without hurting her feelings.

I can’t imagine that would be ok in any country, in any language. I can’t believe you would care to hurt her feelings after she snooped. Just tell her you don’t want her reading your emails, they are private.

What? WHAT? Who does that? Oh hell no. You’re out buddy. If you feel free to read my freaking email, lord knows what other liberties you feel free to take. You’re outta here!

Crikey!!! I’d be pretty mad and pretty disturbed that someone that was staying with me would do this!!! grrrr…. confront, no other option unfortunately.

@RANGIEBABY Good grief! Well, she has overstepped the boundaries of the country she is staying in, so regardless of where she is from, this is a faux pas. You could gently explain that, in your country it is not appropriate behaviour, and that it has caused you upset. She will probably be shocked and upset that she has done this to someone who has been so generous to her.

I’d take a dump in one of their shoes, wait for them to discover it, then throw them out.

Put a password on your computer, or e-mail account.

@Cruiser I thought of that, but I tried it and it didn’t work. I will have to ask someone that has a mac.

@Cruiser However, if I do put a lock on my email, she will certainly want to know why. Then I will have to come up with something to say gently. Afterall she will be staying with me, 17 more days, and I wouldn’t want tension in the house.

It sounds more like something acceptable by the individual or a family rather than a country’s custom. Mom had a friend that, whenever she came over, would root through the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. While shocked, she just chalked it up to the woman being either overly comfortable in other people’s houses or just insatiably nosy.

Whether the house-guest is a friend or on some type of exchange program, it is your house, thus it is your responsibility to let them know what is and is not acceptable while they are there. Confrontation can be hard, but it can also be delivered in an nice way. And you might teach the person a valued lifetime lesson. That is how I have learned many that I hold dear.

@Pied_Pfeffer You are right, absolutely right. If I am going to complain about it, then I should do something about it, or suffer the consequences. The Libra in me does not want to rock the boat, so I tend to tolerate. But, this is not one of those tolerable things, I feel like something has been taken from me.

I would want to know how they figured out the password to my email account. It isn’t all that easy.

There’s a difference between being nice and being… reasonable. Going through other people’s things isn’t an okay thing to do in any culture as far as I know. And who cares if she asks why there is a lock on it? It’s your email, in your house, and your privacy, so just explain it as kindly as possible.

@Ben_Dover : Same… maybe she put “remember my password” by accident. Since she’s on a Mac it’s probably saved on her keychain thing.

@troubleinharlem I see. That’s something I would never do. It is too easy to remember my password and type it in every time.

@Ben_Dover where would I have done that? I can find my way around a computer fairly well, but I am self taught, and sometimes get a bit lost.

@RANGIEBABY Where would you type in your password to your email? On the sign-in page.

@RANGIEBABY : Okay, well, my Mac has a program called keychain and apparently it comes with the computer itself. When you put in a password for the first time it would say something like “Do you want to remember this password?”

@Ben_Dover I don’t type in a password anywhere to go on my computer. I will look around and see what I can find.
I have to run into town, but will be right back.

It’s understandable how you feel. There are times where I have felt the same way in certain situations. That is why we often hear to walk away and cool off, or write out how we feel in the moment and then delete it or throw it away.

The house-guest was obviously not being sneaky, or he/she would have not mentioned it, and might have even set the e-mails to ‘Mark as Unread’, if that was an option. Again, if you want to do this person a favor, let them know. If you need to show your anger, so be it. Just realize that it may put them on the defense and make the situation more uncomfortable while you continue to house them. If you were in their shoes, how would you want the message delivered for something unacceptable that you did?

@RANGIEBABY You had to type in a password at least once when opening your email account. How could you not know this?

You need to sit down and gently explain to her that going through your email is a breach of privacy as is going through your stuff and that you do not allow it. I don’t understand why she didn’t have her own email address to use or why she had to use your account. If she went through your Outlook, you can most definitely set up an password for that as well. Look in Help.

unless she’s blowing you…. put her to the curb

I don’t think it’d be worth the fight. Just say you need the house back to yourself and don’t make an effort to keep in contact with them after that. It’s painful to know someone is invading your privacy like that. If they bring it up you can explain, but don’t make a big deal out of it cause you’ll only get hurt. It’s your house guest who has the real problem anyway and it would be much better for them to learn respect and try to love them self by being alone again.

Change your password and if she has the nerve to actually ask you about it,then tell her you don’t want her reading your e-mail.
It wouldn’t be the first time someone has delivered a smackdown to her-one can’t act like that without it coming back-and I am sure she can take it when you do.;)

@Ben_Dover She only ever had to type her password in once if her mail program or key chain asked to remember it and she said “yes”.

Chances are she doesn’t need to changer her password because it’s doubtful the “guest” knows it. Erase it from whatever key chain is and/or the email program.

I would, however, do some basic reading on the computer you own, @RANGIEBABY, and put a password on your account. Then create a new account for people like your guest. Set them up with a Hotmail, or other web based email, account and let them have at it.

Finally, you don’t need to feel embarrassed about telling your guest that your email is your email; they should be embarrassed for going through your personal messages.
You don’t even need to feel like you should be tactful about it. Unless, maybe, it’s an elderly relative.

If your guest is staying long enough to get mail make sure you open it and read it first.

Apple Menu—> Sytem Preferences—> Accounts

1. Click on the lock in the lower left and enter your password.
2. Click the “Plus” above the lock and make a account for them.
3. Click “Login Options”
4. Enable fast user switching.

Now there will be a option in the menu to switch accounts that is password protected. It saves the state of your account so you can switch between and not lose anything.

You can play it off like you just want them to have a place on the computer that is theirs.

And since they told you that so and so said this it doesn’t sound malicious. They probably think of it as something like checking the answering machine.

I’d change my password. Depending on who the guest was I might mention it or not.

@Ben_Dover Because I am not very bright I guess. hehe. That was a long time ago and honestly I can’t remember.

@thekoukoureport If you are saying what I think you are saying, you are disgusting and need to go back under the rock you came out from under.

@johnpowell You are such a cool guy. I love your answer. I will make some changes.

@mrentropy Yes, I need to read some about my computer. I really appreciate what you have said. I must be more careful.

@RANGIEBABY I know a bit about Macs. Send me a PM if you need help with one.

I don’t think this has anything to do with changing your password. That’s the solution to stop them getting into your email, but it’s not going to help them at all and it’s not going to stop them from invading your privacy in other ways.

Yes screw this changing your password shit. Why should she have to do that? It’s her damn house and this person is a guest! What next? Will she have to start tippy toeing around? Hell no.
Tell your “guest” that she has lost computer priveleges at the least and at the most, give her the boot.
Change your password indeed.

Okay, this is what I did. I shut my computer down completely, so you will need my password to even get on. Got up the next morning and there she was on the computer with the mail open. I asked her how she got on and got a long drawn out confusing answer. I shut it down and we left it alone. The next day I went to get online and the whole computer was a mess. I have spent at least 5 hours trying to figure out what she did. My password did not work, I could not get online, and I started having a fit. I finally got it fixed and now am online. I was so annoyed with her, I did tell her I didn’t want her to use my computer anymore, and certainly not reading my email. Unfortunately, I have reached a point of having to control my mouth. When I am done with someone, I am done.

Wow, that is the most inconsiderate thing I’ve heard in a long time. She is your guest, staying at your home, and has the nerve to keep getting on your computer? She is really wanting to see your emails for some reason. Can you send her to a hotel or home for that matter? She has taken advantage of your hospitality.
Edit to add: Check your medicine cabinet, make sure she is not stealing or at least snooping in your meds.

@chyna that’s what I was worried about too, that and money, jewellery, reading your diary, stealing your post, etc. She’s clearly unhappy in some way.

@ninahenry I didn’t even think of money and jewelry.
One time doing it was a possible mistake. Breaking your password is criminal. Doing it 3 times is time for eviction.

I took her to the little seaside town and dropped her off at the local bar. That is where she wanted to go, and wanted me to join her. Fat chance of that…so I said sorry, that is just not my kind of thing to do. She failed to inform me of a number of important issues about herself before she came here.
She is single, I am married and our interests are very different.
When she first arrived, I showed her, her room and said if I needed anything from in there I will knock and ask for permission to go in, because privacy is a very important thing to me.
Her reason for reading my email was, “well, I thought it might pertain to me, but it didn’t, oh well.”
I have taken to wearing a rubber band on my wrist and every time I want to
say something inappropriate I snap the rubber band. Counting down 15 days.

Follow up on dropping her at the bar at 3:00 pm. I gave her my cell phone to call when she was ready to be picked up. She never called, not even to let me know if she was having dinner with us or not. I wasn’t feeling well, I went to bed early, then at 10:30 my husband came to bed. We were asleep and at 11;30 she called and wanted someone to pick her up. My husband was furious, but got dressed and went to pick her up. He wants her out, and so do I. But…...she won’t go..another thread.

Oh good grief!!!

@harple I started another thread today about her. “link” :http://www.fluther.com/97408/how-do-you-get-a-house-guest-to-leave-when-you/

“link” http://www.fluther.com/97408/how-do-you-get-a-house-guest-to-leave-when-you/
sorry about that.

Oh my goodness….. x