She had just gotten divorced. She was feeling worthless and abandoned and like a failure. Maybe her ex had married her for her looks, and now she was getting older and didn’t have the looks she had. She was mentally just not thinking the way she normally would. Maybe even suicidal, but this is better—destroy that which got her into the wrong place with the wrong man.
She didn’t anticipate the publicity. She probably thought it would remain local, if she even thought about what might happen next at all. Probably she wanted someone to pay attention to her, to make her feel like she wasn’t a nothing. Police attention might do.
You don’t make these calculations consciously. It’s intensely emotional. It comes from despair and feelings you’ve never felt before and have no idea what to do with. You just get an idea and you’re very fragile mentally, and things that would never make sense normally now seem like the only option, or the best option to quell the feelings inside you. If you feel like shit, you have to make yourself into shit.
I’m sure she absolutely feels she deserves to be thrown in jail. In a way, it will confirm her sense of self and it will make it possible for her to understand her divorce. At this point, she probably wants jail and then worse. Maybe to be driven to hell and then death.
But now it’s got world attention. She was going to go on Oprah for God’s sake. It’s a different thing altogether. Now she’s notorious, not nothing. That’s got to be confusing. She’s getting scorn thrown at her from all sides. On one hand, that is what is needed. On the other, it’s too much. It gives her attention that in her unconscious mind, she doesn’t deserve simply because she is nothing. A thrown away person.
Now it’s really messed up. She’s gotten what she wanted, only too much of it. Now she’s gotten so much nothing that she’s something.
She’ll be given, or maybe already has been given a psychiatric exam. I bet they’ll find some form of depression. She’ll be treated. They’ll take her out of the limelight and hope the world forgets. Maybe, after a while, she’ll emerge and try to live some kind of life. Maybe she’ll make restitution to her town. Maybe she’ll set up some fund for the aid of recently divorced women, or something.
Interesting story. Fun to imagine what’s going on in her. I wonder how much of it I got right.