This is a true story, and it happened to me today. It’s a ghost story, in honor of the treehouse party @rangerr didn’t know she was inviting everyone to. You may want to leave the room if you are faint of heart.
This morning we woke up to the sad fact that our recently acquired goldfish, Party Favor Fish that wasn’t his real name, but it’s better than what the kids decided to name him had passed away. We didn’t know Party Favor Fish very well, since he was (as the name implies) a poorly-thought-out party favor from a birthday party my seven year old attended on Sunday.
Right from the start, there seemed to be something odd about Party Favor Fish. Even though I went through a lot of trouble to get the fish tank from the basement and set it up with fish-safe well water for him, he seemed troubled. He refused to eat, and alternated between darting crazily around his new tank and resting motionless on the decorative pebbles at the bottom of the tank. Sometimes I felt like Party Favor Fish was watching me, even if I was in another room. I tried to tell Party Favor Fish that I was sorry he’d been bounced around in a small plastic bowl at a birthday party, and that I personally don’t agree with the practice of giving live creatures as party favors. Either he didn’t speak English or was too blinded by his scaly fury to see that I was being sincere.
So, Party Favor Fish died. The children were tearful, but I was somewhat relieved, as we said our goodbyes and flushed the little guy away. Little did I know, we hadn’t seen the end of Party Favor Fish. He waited until I was alone, and he struck in the bathroom. He must have watched some horror films before he became a party favor. Anyway, there I was, blow drying my hair (but not in the nude, so I think I might survive this story) when suddenly the cordless phone jumped off the bathroom counter and landed in the very same toilet that had served as Party Favor Fish’s watery grave! At the time I wasn’t very suspicious because it seemed as if maybe the cord from the hair dryer had knocked the phone into the toilet….but…..
Several hours later, after the phone had been cleaned and dried, I made a phone call just to see if it would still work. Success!! My joy at the abilities of modern technology to survive a dunking in the toilet were short-lived. As darkness shrouded the land and the children went to bed, I found myself alone in roughly the same part of the house as Party Favor Fish’s now-empty tank. Suddenly, I heard a strange beeping, over and over. Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep…... What could it be?! I fearfully made my way into the kitchen and saw the cordless phone, which had fallen into Party Favor Fish’s grave, lit up and beeping, as if someone were pressing a button over and over!
With a confused horrified look on my face, I picked up the phone and nearly screamed when I saw the number 5 flashing over and over on the display! That’s only one less than 6, and kind of similar to 666!! And, I was only one room away from the room where Party Favor Fish died! I tried to turn the phone off, but the off button wouldn’t work! Only by unplugging the phone was I finally able to stop Party Favor Fish’s message from the beyond.
Now I’m sitting up with all of the lights on, wishing I had a rosary or some holy water. How does one exorcise a Party Favor Fish? What will he do to torment me next? Possess one of my children? If I never return to Fluther again, you will know I fell victim to Party Favor Fish and was driven mad by his torments.
True story. Next time my husband is out of town I will find a better way to amuse myself. I promise. But that is a true story, pretty much.