(NSFW) Clitoris stimulation + masturbation does not feel like anything?

There is nothing wrong with you. For some people, it takes a while and different ways of trying. For others, it takes an orgasm with another before they can give one to themselves. It seems you get a lot out of mental stimulation, I’m the same way – once an erotic novel arouses you, begin touching yourself but forget about the clitoris, for now – let go of the pressure and touch your neck, wet your nipples, grab your thighs hard…imagine yourself in a scenario of the novel and think about that…don’t touch yourself down there until you feel like you just must and then take things slowly, keep ‘em wet and try some toys.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir
but still, if it doesn’t feel like anything when I touch there, wouldn’t that mean that I’m desensitized or something of that nature?

@circuitbreaker Right now, as I lay here and touch my clitoris (purely to help you with this question, mind you) I don’t feel anything either – that’s because it’s just a piece of our body and doesn’t have a life of its own – you have to be aroused and perhaps it takes longer for your body to respond or you are simply not that sensitive around the clitoris. There are people who are much more vagina sensitive in that they get vaginal orgasms like whoah and not at all with clitoral stimulation.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir :
Also… the reason why I’m asking is because my SO and I were fooling around and he started playing with it, but it didn’t feel like anything so I told him (because I like to be open about what feels good at what doesn’t). After awhile, I got upset because I thought something was wrong with me, and now he’s decided that he doesn’t want to “hurt me by making me cry” etc. and we’re probably not significant others any longer.

Have any advice about that? :|

You just need a man with a talented tongue (or a woman with a talented tongue if that’s the way you swing).

@circuitbreaker He sounds insecure and inexperienced as well – forget about how he makes you feel, you should focus on how you make yourself feel, mo. Also, if that’s what it takes for you guys to break up, please do so anyway.

Yes I would say that a lot of sexual arousal happens in the mind first. What turns you on when you’re alone? I started masturbating at a very young age…but I know that some people don’t start until later and some women never do. However, self-pleasuring physically was prompted by the thoughts that went on in my mind first..I noticed I would get excited looking at pictures of women, which then led me to touch myself. I would proffer that there needs to be body and mind symbiosis…as such…

Use the bathtub: run the faucet on your ladyparts. I got no results until I tried this. It wasn’t until three years after that I could get anywhere with just my fingers. Even now, as a pro, it takes forever.

I’m the same way – it really doesn’t do anything for me. In our overly sexualized society, it’s retarded to think everyone reacts in the same fashion to certain stimuli. I know there’s nothing wrong with me because having my husband take care of everything makes me feel great!

@lynneblundell : Even when I’m extremely aroused, it doesn’t feel like anything more than a slight tickle…

I always feel inclined to ask this question to people having this problem: Are you taking any medication?

Try a vibrator. Many women experience their first orgasm this way. Then, once you know “what to do” it will be much easier with a partner.

To answer @theonlyneffie: I’ve never taken medication, except for pain relievers for headaches/monthly pains a few times a year. Most times I skip those same pain relievers.

And I’ve never smoked or drank… except my hubby introduced me to a few alcoholic drinks when we go on dates. But that’s only been recently. :D

@circuitbreaker – How old are you? Have you had a fair amount of sexual experience, or is this all kind of new? Like, have you ever masturbated to orgasm before, or is it always like you describe, where you feel ‘nothing’?

I would be really surprised if your clitoris is broken. I have a feeling something else is going on, like maybe you’re nervous, or thinking about it too much, or you’re not turned on enough. You may need more foreplay, for example.

@squirbel I ask because I don’t think many people know the sexual side effects that can come with taking SSRI’s, especially in women. Although there are a number of things that can cause what the OP is describing… the sort of dulled sensation, frustrating experience is not all that uncommon when taking anti-depressants. Of course, that isn’t the only cause. I just think it is an important one to rule out.

Four questions: How old are you? Were you raised by people who had problems with sex (very religious, very bigoted for other reasons)? Are you a virgin? How long have you been with your SO?

I know i sound very nosy but, trust me, i’ve been in a similar situation with my GF and i think i can help, to some extent.

One advice i can give you even without this information is to just do what comes natural to you and NEVER pressure yourself. The more you want to have an orgasm, the harder it gets, because performance anxiety kicks in. Relaxation is essential.

@TheOnlyNeffie : Well, I’m taking Zoloft for depression.
@MissAnthrope: I’m pretty new at it… I haven’t ever had sex before.
@Thammuz : 18, no sex before marriage thing, yes, I wouldn’t say he’s my significant other… I guess I didn’t want to say ex boyfriend – we’ve just been together for about a year.

So the fact that you are taking an AntiDep is very much a factor. That does impede arousal at times. I can only get an orgasm from clitoral stimulation with either vibrator or a tongue. I have never had an orgasm during intercourse unless I am using a nub vibrator, this is not a penis shaped vibrator it’s actually an attachment for a regular massager and moves very very quickly. I move this back and forth on my clit for usually 5–10 minutes before I orgasm. Every woman is different and therefore the best advice I can give is to purchase different toys…clit stimulators, G-spot vibrators or even anal toys to see which gives you the best results.

@Paxan8 : Well, it’s not that I don’t get aroused or anything, I definitely do, but when it comes to touching… that doesn’t do much of anything.

@circuitbreaker I will tell you from personal experience that when I was taking Zoloft, I was very much able to get aroused.. but that it was almost like the entire area was numb when I (or anyone else) went to touch it. All sexual sensation felt very dull, faint, like a barely there buzzing or tingling… definitely not satisfying. I would talk to your doctor about your medication and the potential effect it is having on you sexually.

@circuitbreaker Last question: do you feel ashamed/guilty/both when you masturbate/are masturbated?

Assuming this coud be personal too personal for you to just say it i’ll give my conclusion in both cases, so you can pick the right one.

If No: you’re just inexperienced, you need to take the thing more lightly and let yourself relax. The more you force yourself the less likely it is you’ll succeed, so just put yourself in a situation where you’re not pressured, you’ve got plenty of time and nobody can catch you and just have fun with it. If nothing else works just buy a cheap vibrator and try with that, then after you build up a little experience it will be a lot easier, the shower nozzle works too.

If yes: You’ve got to work on that. It’s perfectly normal for people who have been brought up by people who demonized sex in some way to have problems with orgasms. Just talk about it with some friend. Preferably a female friend with more experience. Mind you, wether you rationally think that masturbating is wrong or not doesn’t really matter, this kind of block is involuntary and doesn’t depend on your decisions, so just figure out wether this is the case or not and do a little DIY-analysis.

Hope it helps!

EDIT: I just read you take Zoloft. Psych meds have weird effects on sex drive and sex in general, so that’s likely the cause, ask your doctor if it could be related and wether you can take something that doesn’t have that side effect, then see wether it changes soemthing.

I had a relationship long ago with a woman wh said she had never had an orgasm in sexual intercourse. She loved to do it for the intimacy, but never got off. With all her previous lovers, she said she had faked it to make them feel OK about themselves.

She also joked that all she ever got from masturbation was a stinky finger.

She had found that she could get off quite powerfully by using aa vibrator with the large Wand Style Massager. I would suggest you not adopt this strategy though till you have a chance to fully explore sex with a partner. You may find that someone who really knows how to give oral sex, or provide clitoral stimulation along with seep penetration will send you into orbit. The downside of turning to a tool like a wand vibrator is it provides such intense stimulation that you will soon find that nothing short of it will do much of anything for you. So stay the course for a while, and look at the vibrator as the sex toy of last resort.

Good luck. I hope everything cums out great for you.

Could it be the anxiousness of being with this guy keeps your mind on what he’s doing, what your body is doing rather than on how your body is feeling? Even something as soft as oral might not excite you if you’re at self conscious or into doing something to him at the same time.

It was years before I could give myself an orgasm by rubbing myself and I too thought something was wrong with me. I actually had to experience one with an intercourse partner first and after that they got easier and easier, both solo and partnered. It might go that way for you too.

Try rubbing downwards over your clit and against your pubic bone rather than upwards on the clit directly and see if that’s more arousing. Get your brain engaged first though. I know for me, just deciding to kick back and play with myself doesn’t do much if anything at all.

Some people need one of two things.
1. To feel ok with it, or
2. an emotional connection for it to work.
You may be more repressed about your sexuality or it may be that you can’t get it out of your mind that no one else is in the room but you. In other words your practical mind is argueing with your fantasy side. Kind of hard to get going if you don’t give into the fantasy.

I would say it is the Zoloft that is messing you up. When I was on Paxil (in the same family) I couldn’t orgasm to save my life. Perhaps there is another medication out there that could help you with your depression and not mess up your sex life. Desipramine did it for me. Talk to your doctor.

If you are super stressed I know from experience being too stressed puts a damper on any kind of sex, whether with my husband or alone. Sometimes I just can’t turn my mind off enough to enjoy it. Like some other people up there it took me a while before my fingers could do the job. I started with the bathtub method and that still is my favorite. Or even just taking a hot shower and letting the water run on my body for a while and I start thinking about something to get me aroused. It usually takes me a while to climax. I think it’s something that takes practice. The first few times I masturbated I couldn’t climax because it didn’t feel right… I think you just have some things to figure out and get comfortable with. Try different things and just fine one that works… Once you find one it all unfolds from there.

@krose1223 At least the bathtub method seems like good clean fun. The worst you will get from it is come clean private parts. :-)

…afterthought…lubrication is also very important… :-)

It’s almost certainly the Zoloft. Talk to your doctor about switching to another drug for depression. They all affect people different ways, so even another SSRI might be fine for you. Good luck!

Perhaps a more apt line of questioning is what are you on Zoloft for in the first place?
Did you get some psyhiatric help prior to be being prescribed the meds? If so do you mind sharing the underlying issues? If not see if you can come to terms with them…it would not surprize me if most of the issue goes away once it has been addressed.
Best of luck to you.

Talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about it. You could try switching to another anti-depressant – unless it’s really working for you in every other way. Bupropion/Wellbutrin is one suggestion – but definitely talk with your doc about that :)

@Bagardbilla, @phoebusg, @augustlan, @tranquilsea + everyone else who talked about medications: yes, I’m clinically depressed, diagnosed and then put on the medicine, this one works the best for me. I’ve tried getting off of it because it has some weird side-effects (what medication doesn’t?) but they didn’t work as well…

Don’t worry so much about the medication. I have been on prozac for over 6 years and although it does make a difference I can still climax. I still stand behind my original statement to experiment with different masterbation methods.

For what it’s worth, I’ve been on many different meds and none of them have ever interfered with my sex drive or my ability to climax.

I’ll chime in with my own Zoloft experience. I took it for almost 3yrs and it didn’t affect my libido much or orgasms.

It can be a side effect of taking sertraline or Zoloft. It doesn’t affect everyone but it does affect some. You can read a little about it here