What does someone mean when they say " It's on your conscience, but then you don't have one"?

It’s just a few notches off from telling someone they’re a fickle scumbag.

@Neizvestnaya Or, is their own conscience trying to make what they have done, okay in their mind?

They’re trying to guilt trip you into doing something you don’t want to do, by laying blame on you.

For example, lending money. If you refuse to lend money to someone, it might result in them getting kicked out of their apartment. That is not your problem. Someone might say that to you, in an attempt to make you feel bad about not bailing someone out of a situation of their own making.

In order to not make a remark that doesn’t make sense one should say in a case like this: “It would be on your conscience, but then again, you don’t have one”

@RANGIEBABY: Maybe, sure. If the person hasn’t been successful in persuading you they are right (or you are wrong) then they can spout this off to you. If this pertains to your crazy lady then forget her barbs, she was trying to come off as less of a parasite than you found her out to be.

It’s a nasty way of saying that you don’t have any morals. If you had a conscience, you never would have done that. If you do it, it should weight on your conscience. But you don’t have a conscience, so you did it and it’s not going to weigh on conscience either. The intimation being that you suck, and really have no business being around here.

It’s an easy way for someone to shift responsibility and blame to someone else—a nasty form of one-upmanship.

I think they mean to say, “It would be on your conscience, if you had one” or, “If you had a conscience, that would be on it”.

Is this something your unwelcome ex-house guest said to you?
If it is, then that context renders it virtually meaningless.

It’s a blending of a reminder/warning and an insult, one designed more for initial impact than for actual sense.
A lot of common phrases heard these days are used without any real knowledge of their meaning, just inference, and as @Brian1946 points out, often poorly rendered. “Intensive purposes” came up recently, the user not having ever been made aware of the proper form.
“irregardless” and “could care less” also get aired quite a bit.

@RANGIEBABY, I just read your post about your houseguest. She said that so you would feel guilty about turning her out, and so you would worry as to whether or not she made it onto the plane. Please don’t worry. The woman sounds like some sort of sociopath. You are not responsible for her actions or the consequences of her actions. At any time in all this she had the option of being a good house guest. She did not choose to do that. She does not seem to connect her behavior with the outcomes she creates.

Even the idea of taking an extended trip to another country without having enough spending money to cover the trip is foolhardy. Who in their right mind leaves the country for weeks without adequate funds, or spends beyond their means without having funds to cover it?

She is not a friend, but an acquaintance that you generously extended hospitality to. She chose to abuse that hospitality.

I guess it would be because of a “lack of conscience” rather than no conscience but it is just easier to say it that way?

@RANGIEBABY Is this your sister again? Trying to guilt you into something? Or your recent disaster of a house “guest”?
You’re a nice lady. Whoever said it can go take a flyin’ fuck in a rollin’ doughnut. They were trying to make you feel bad about a decision you made. Let it roll off your back and ignore detractors like that.

I think they are saying if you do that well it’s not a good thing. You would not have heart or soul to do that sort of thing.

Are you still worrying about that crazy chick that you had to kick out of your house?

The only thing this statement is/was intended to do is to deliver a final parting shot at you. Apparently it is serving its intended purpose because you are still worried about it. If I were you I would not waste another moment worrying about what it means. You should be quite thankful that the bimbo is out of your life. Now, remove the remaining residue this ungrateful gust left behind and move on.

@ALL, yes this is about my recent house guest. It has been 5 days since she left with that strange man. I emailed her boyfriend in London and he has not heard from her at all. He is the one she was tapping for money in her account, and according to her, her boyfriend. It was his birthday, and she did not contact him, now I am wondering if she is okay.
And, do I have any responsibility to her as she came to this country to visit me? The immigration authorities have my address as her place of destination. Now nobody knows where she is or if she is okay.
Yes, I know she is a crazy lady without any class or manners, but she is still a person.

I think that you’re fine. She’s a grown woman, first of all, specifically one who abused your hospitality. Most hospitality systems require the guest to behave themselves and keep out from underfoot. You owe her nothing, according to the rules that mankind has maintained since the dawn of history.
Of course, lawyers aren’t human, so there may be some legal inquiry at some point. You might want to call the immigration authorities and let them know that your guest left. How long was her visa good for? (If she had a visa).

@Nullo She was good until Sept. 29, Do you really think I should call the immigration?

@RANGIEBABY I think that I would, if only to try to keep them out of your hair later. Granted, I don’t always make the best decisions, so talk it over.

I 2nd @Nullo to contact immigration and let them know you had an incident with a visitor you’ve not heard from since and though you’re worried for her, you’re more worried about your connection to her.

@Neizvestnaya I have decided Nullo is right. I am calling the authorities. An ounce of prevention you know.

Do you by chance have the strange man’s name, or remember where they met?

@BarnacleBill I do not have any information other than they met at a bar the night before, and his first name is Tony. I can Tony’s phone number, because she used my contractors cell phone to call him. so the number is still in there. That is all I know.

Get the phone number and pass it along to the authorities. These days, if a foreign goes missing in the US, Uncle Sam wants to know. She will be on a plane home sooner than later. Her saying what she did, and not contacting sugar daddy is plenty of reason for concern for foul play, illegal activity, etc. Saying “she left my home at my request because of her behavior, she turned down my offer to put her up in a hotel, left with some man that picked her up in a bar, and neither her boyfriend nor I have heard from her in X days.” While you cannot have her back in your house, you fear that she is unstable and harm may come to her because of it. I think it’s 48 hours before the authorities will do anything.

@BarnacleBill I got to thinking after Nullo said I should contact the authorities. As far as they know she is here at my address. If this guy she went off with is a bad character and harms her, he could just drop her in my front yard and how would I explain that. I called them today, but they are located back east and they were closed by the time I called. I will call the first thing in the morning. Thank you for your concern.

You could call the police and file a missing persons report.

@BarnacleBill That might be hard to do since I told her she would have to leave. She chose not to sit down and talk, but rather just left, with her bags packed.

Why did I accept her invitation to stay with her? I stepped in to help her as she was being bullied by the same vile people who were bullying me…..... and thought she appreciated that, that it was why she invited me…

What a fool I was to trust her. What a lesson to learn. Had my father been alive, he would have advised me not to have gone.

When someone betrays your trust, they take a little piece of you. They steal it.

They steal it because you’re better than they’ll ever be—its JEALOUSY.

Thank you for reading.

Heatherjune

Wow, this is some fancy stuff.

Yes, unfortunately, it is and I have been through a nightmare.

Oh my, ladies. What have you two been up to??

Well, I’m sure you can see it, never again will I fly thousands of miles, fooled by a woman’s sweet emails and sympathetic voice befire I went. I defended her against bullying—and look at how she appreciated it.

I had been through a bad time and I was in need of a holiday and some company—never in my wildest dreams did I think it would’ve turned out like that.

@Heatherjune At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, which I am not (to either side) I seriously think you should stop typing. You are airing what is your side of the story to the whole fluther world, and anybody who wants to search a phrase you’ve used on Google. And you’ve used many phrases. You’ve said way more than @RANGIEBABY, that I’ve seen anyhow, and defended yourself to the point that “protest too much” comes to mind. Really, just stop. You’re losing dignity, in my opinion.

You only decide I have protested too much because its not the sort of thing that usually happens. Why shouldn’t I have my chance to defend what she has written? Its high time I did, I think. To be thrown out of a house in a foreign country, for nothing, is, well, you probably have never experienced it, and I hope you never do. That woman is trying to destroy my reputation and is has continued to do it for the last 5 months, is it any wonder really, thaat I am writing?.

We get that you’re upset, @Heatherjune , but you’ve now gone way beyond telling us your side. Your first two posts on this thread were informative and enlightening. All the rest here, and on the other one have done nothing to enhance that, and are damaging your credibility.

How is it damaging my credibility? Until you have been through it, you just don’t know how you’d feel, angry, perhaps? I think so and justifiably. I know it sounds incredible, but really I can recite everything that happened to the letter, what has hurt me the most, is either how people don’t believe me—though many have—and they think I am over dramatising—it was a very traumatic thing I went through and, whether you think its credible, it was and is. I wish it hadn’t been. whyy is it that people make such light of it, when it truly was horrendous and she is still slandering me after all this time? .

My last word on this: it’s damaging your credibility because what started as a defense has degenerated into a hysterical rant. I’m sorry this has been so tough on you, but we’re strangers on the internet, and not the appropriate target for your continued upset.

@Heatherjune I also realize that you are very upset. However, I don’t believe anyone is “making light”. I for one am trying to help you. As an outsider just now learning of this, I found the continued rant (as @JilltheTooth said) somewhat pathetic and immature. Why do you care so much what strangers think of you and the situation? Chances are you will never meet any of us, never be given a chance to show us the truth. Please stop, and I bet you’ll feel better.

[mod says] @Heatherjune Personally bad-mouthing a known individual is not acceptable here. Please stop immediately.

Yay, Auggie!

Although I can sort of appreciate what you’r both saying—from Your point if view, but I found all this on here only today! And it has been a shock, can you understand that, a shock—she has made me out to everyone that I’m more or less worthless and a prostitute!
It also astounds me to read the sympathetic answers people gave her and the way people had me cadt as BAD, and, ok, I’m never going to meet you, but that really isn’t the point—imagine all this had been written about you?

SuperMod to the rescue!

What?

@Heatherjune I think you better stop. You might get kicked off.

I’m the Community Manager here. The point is, @Heatherjune, when @RANGIEBABY was talking about this, it was about an anonymous individual. You are talking about a known individual, and that is inappropriate. We understand how upsetting this must be for you, but we don’t allow that here.

@augustlan : You might want to bring out the scary avatar about now…

ok, I just wanted to respond and how do I do that without mentioning her name?

Ok, well I’ve realised that no matter what she says, I will have to take the lies. Thank you

I will never set foot in the US again.

@Heatherjune You can certainly address your side of the story, just do so without calling anyone any names or personally attacking them. Also, just a helpful tip: You have 5 minutes to edit your answers if you have something to add. We prefer you do that rather than posting multiple answers in a row.

I didn’t realise, sorry, I’m not usually on here—the only reason I am, is because it was suggested by someone that I googled her screen name. I was very shocked and let it out. It would really help if you understand this, slander goes on and people think its all a joke and I am sick of it. Just re-living it as I was writing, made me feel angry0—about how someone that is outwardly human, could even think of treating anyone this way—if you look at the image she put in people’s minds, they were shocking—not to you maybe, but they were to me. I was stunned when I saw how she gaily wrote all these lies, and how everyone responded—very differently too, to the way I have been responded to.

Just a note, this thread was over and forgotten over 4 months ago. Until today.

Just a note—I only saw it today!

@Heatherjune OK, I had sympathy for you. I find myself running out. Please, please let this go. For your own sanity, yes. We can just stop following this train wreck you seem intent upon sharing. You seem obsessed, and are hurting only yourself. Please stop.

But then again—I’m English and you’re American—maybe if I was an American there would be a difference.

I’m getting some popcorn

What a joke—I’m obsessed? I am shocked—I repeat—I only saw what she had written, TODAY!

Wouldn’t you be shocked? No? I think you would be, its just that it hasn’t happened to you.
You Americans seem lacking in compassion and understanding.

I wish I had never seen this today, but, I did. Is it THAT hard to put yourselves in another person’es shoes? Apparently so. I regret coming on this site—I just felt I should defend the lies—seems that you’re perfectly happy to have a one-sided view—that’s distorted completely to fit in with the pay off she craves. Sorry.. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

I advise that you go back and read some of the responses she got? Not that it will make you feel any differently. Those people sided with her completely against me—she got what she came for, didn’t she.. they never gave a thought to the fact that she could have been lying—when someone throws their guest out, well the guest Must have been just as she said.
Well they were wrong.

Think next time before you condemn anyone when only hearing one side. I’m glad you’re not Judge and Jury, you’d have sentenced me.

@Heatherjune Ok, ok. She asked for opinions on how to get rid of something that was, in her opinion, distasteful and unpleasant. She got answers to the question she asked, and responses to her own responses. You, on the other hand, have gone on a one-person attack against what seems to be an unfair, one-sided lynch mob. No one condemned you, no one said you are lying, no one said anything derogatory about you. Although I’m not really sure why you continue to rave on, I’m also not entirely sure why I continue to follow this. I feel now you are just pouting because nobody will jump on the “I hate Rangie” bandwagon. If you don’t like it here, you can leave. And stop with the “Americans” thing. It’s irrelevant and childish.

I suggest you go back and read the stuff she said about me—and how others blindly agreed with her. No one condemned me? Oh yes they did—look at the things that were said.

Of course they were derogatory! Why do you think I responded?, do you know how awful it is to read such things about yourself that are total fabrication—that all agreed with?
Have you any idea how it would make you feel? Of course they were derogatory!

@Heatherjune Those people responded to the anonymous houseguest problem she was having, and condemned the actions of said houseguest as per her description. Now that you have opened up the door to yourself being that person, nobody has really commented on your actions or lack thereof. We have just tried to help you understand how inappropriate your choice of forum and comments in this situation have become.

@cockswain hey pass the popcorn

Where is an appropriate forum? So, you agree that they went on what she had said. Well, that’s a one sided view. And you think that is right? One suggested that I may have stolen her credit cards and money, have a look. If that isn’t derogatory!

Is your real name Heather June?

Ok, I’m in a lose lose situation—as long as you think its appropriate for people to have suggested that I’m a thief and other things—have you any idea how cruel she was being? I don’t think you can.

I don’t see the point in any further conversation, do you? Its seems to be futile.
Thank you for your understanding . Good night.

Er, its a bit out of order, isn’t it, wanting to know if Heather June is my real name?

What right have you got, to know?

No answer. Great. Nothing less than I expected—double standards seem to be the flavour of the last few months.:/

@Heatherjune “I don’t see the point in any further conversation, do you?” Your words….Ugh I really thought you were going to stop, too.

I was just wondering if you had attached your real name to what was previously the description of a completely anonymous person. Just curious if you did that. On the internet.

It’s the dinner hour for a lot of us, 15 minutes to wait for an answer really isn’t that long! This is getting amusing. Maybe I’ll get a glass of wine.

Damn. I can’t seem to look away!
Somebody mod me, please!

Sadly, @Heatherjune has nothing more to say. I think she meant it when she said it this time. :(

This is a good thing.

@JilltheTooth Agreed. Just being a bitch, sorry. I really wanted her to see my way. Now I just think she’s mad at all of us (me) and stopped.

I don’t know about you, @janedelila , but I’m just one of those insensitive Americans totally lacking in compassion. Who wouldn’t, by the way plan to visit someone I’d never met for a month in another country. <sigh> oh, sensible me.