How should I go about getting my ex-mother-in-law to remove my kids' names from her facebook page?

Tell your lawyer, and let him/her handle it.

Is their full name on there? I don’t think you can do much as it is her grandchildren.

I would send her a message to her inbox asking her to remove them, because of your concern about privace and safety. Let, her know that you are happy to let them “friend” her. That is if you are ok with it. Or, ask her to make that part of her profile friends only if she wants to keep them on her page.

If it is just their first names it seems like it should not be a big deal. What do you think could happen? I’m not challenging you, I am just curious to know as I am wary of safety and privacy on line.

Also, if you want their names removed only because you are annoyed with her, and afraid of your ex, I would not say anything to her. If you have a restraining order, I would guess he is harrasing you? I would not give him another reasons to get angry.

@JLeslie and @chyna my kids share her last name and her profile also lists her son’s (their father) name. It would be pretty easy to put it together and get the kids’ full names. @JLeslie I personally see no reason that my children’s names should be out there at all, and I certainly don’t think it is a choice their grandmother should make to put them out there. They do not have facebook pages of their own so friending her is not an option. You do make a good point about the harassment, which is why I am asking this question. My best outcome would be one that would have the names removed and not give the ex any more reason to get up in my face.

I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about it, other than to ask her not to. But really, is it worth it? Are your fears helping you very much, given the danger, whatever that may be?

In the past, and even now, if someone takes a picture of us or our kids and publishes it in the paper or puts a video on the news—we can’t do anything about it. What could you do? Change the kids names and move to some other part of the country? Is it worth it?

Having public knowledge about us out there—well, I don’t see how you can stop it. There are very few people I’ve researched for whom I can’t find information enough to suit my purposes. My kids’ schools have put pictures of them on the school websites. What can be done if it is a group photo?

I think privacy is an attitude. It’s a way of living. It’s a way of protecting yourself in the real world (which includes the virtual world). It is learning how to defeat bullying. It is learning how to deal (or not deal) with strangers. It is learning how to be suspicious of things that sound too good to be true.

These are the things that will be more effective at making our children safe. Knowledge and training give our children the power to protect themselves. We can’t always be there to do it for them, and trying to keep pictures off the internet to protect your kids, while laudable, is only going to drive you crazy. It’s out of your control.

The only effective things you can do are those that are in your control. Like teaching your kids and bringing them up to be much better people than their father or his relatives.

@spinner Do you talk to her at all otherwise? Do the kids get to see her? Or, is requesting this going to be the first communication in a long time, just to tell her you are not happy with what she has done? I think it is perfectly understandable that you don’t want their names on there. If there is tension between you two, as you have stated, there is probably no perfect way to ask her, that she won’t twist into you being a bitch in her mind – it sucks. I don’t think there is a big risk in having their names there, but if you were my daughter-in-law I would respect your wishes, and not be angry about it, but that’s me.

What you need to teach your kids, whether their names are there are not, is they are never to go with anyone even if the person knows there name. That you will always tell them ahead of time who is picking them up from somewhere. My mom did not let us wear our names on our clothing or necklaces, etc. Because she feared if someone came up to me and said, “Hi JLeslie, your mommy told me to take you home,” I might go with them even though I know not to go with strangers. It’s the world we live in today.

I totally understand your fears about having your kids name on Facebook. I’m pretty new to Facebook, but I’m wondering if you can contact someone like an administrator from that website and explain your situation. Tell them that your kids are underage and that you don’t permit them to have an account and that you have a restraining order against the father. Also, try gently to explain this to Grandma. She may not realize what kind of potential danger she is putting your kids in. And, contact a lawyer to find out what options you might have. You should not feel bad about trying to keep your kids safe. Let us know what you come up with : )

If you do talk to her about it I would start with something positive if you can, and then tell her your concern. I think saying something that demonstrates you are fine with your kids continuing a relationship with her would be best if possible. Otherwise this will be perceived as another move to separate you and your children from her side of the family. To restrict them from your lives.

Probably nothing. Maybe some of these answers to a similar question might help.

Send her a message and ask since she wants to list their names then would she feel more secure for them to put her profile on a ‘friends only’ status? They are her grandkids and like most, she’s probably really proud to show them off to her friends. The two of you never having gotten along well is a different bag than the relationship she has/wants/will form with your kids.

I was going to say just ask her/tell her, which always seems to be the simplest and most straightforward approach, but after reading your details, I’m going to go with @WestRiverrat. It’s so complicated, with restraining orders and hostility and divorce and inlaws, I’m thinking best to let your lawyers handle this one for you. That’s what they’re for.

After reading about the protection order, let the lawyers handle it. Protection orders are supposed to work both ways, and if they consider contacting the MIL trying to contact your Ex, you could end up spending some time in jail or weakening the case for the order.

@spinner THe only thing you can do is tell her your concerns and ask her to take the names off. She will either respect your wishes regardless of agreeing with them or not, or she will ignore you and think you’re being ridiculous…. since you said she blames you, I feel like the second one is more likely to happen. There isn’t anything legally you can do because she isn’t breaking any laws. Your lawyer isn’t going to be able to “handle it” for you. If you’re filing a restraining order, keep the conversation strictly to asking her to remove the names. Once. If she ignores you or says no, don’t email her back.

The restraining order is against her husband, not his mother, if I understand correctly.

@JLeslie Right. But she still doesn’t need to get into an argument with his mother if she is pursuing a restraining order against him.

I suggest you talk through your concerns with your MIL as two rational adults. Your relationship with her may not matter to you but I can assure you as a kid from a split family your kids are not going to thank you if you alienate her from them.

Report it to facebook, most websites have rules against this kind of thing. its called “doc dropping” with doc standing for documentation.

Report it to facebook, tell them you are the legal guardian, that this other person is not. and that the private information she is showing as public are the details of minors. Tell facebook that there is legal action going on, and that if they dont do something about it you will be forced to drag them in to it.

@BBSDTfamily exactly, I completely agree. I was confused why so many people were saying go straight to a lawyer.

Also, good to see you around, I had not seen you on fluther in a long while.

If the children are under age then you may be able to do something about it. Otherwise, I honestly don’t believe you have any control over what they post on their personal pages. You could always just ask her politely. If you must, try contacting Facebook directly and explain to them the situation. Whatever path you take regarding this issue just make sure to document everything you do. Especially if you are going to pursue this with a lawyer.

When most people join Facebook, they have little clue how the complex system of privacy settings works, not to mention the dangers. If I were your MIL, no matter how much we didn’t get along, my concern for the safety of the grandchildren would come first. Why not send her an e-mail outlining your concerns and offering to help her remove the names or set up privacy settings?