How to deal with abuse?
Hello, am 26 and i have been bullied for my whole life from ,,friends” they have bullied me verbally and physically , i was always very skinny person, very shy and sensitive, all of my friend are physically stronger than me and they always used their strength against me, i remember when i was 8–9 years old, i went to my grandpa for help after they bullied me, and he said that i was acting like a weak and it was last time i asked for help, i remember when, 2 of my friend was holding me while other beating his leg in my stomach,(we were 14–15) and they laughed about it, they knew i could not do anything, my childhood was like this always and i thought it was normal and it was my fate and fault , because i was weak. as a time past i started to learn my self how to avoid this kind of things, but i couldnt do anything. they were my neighbours and i grew up with them, our parents are friends also but they dont know about it. i cant get rid of them, one of them is extremely rude to me, our relationship is horrible after i staretd to speak up and tell him that he was behaving very bad , he got even worse, he started to hate me and since then we didnt had normal conversation , only cursing eachother, 2–3 month ago i moved in another city and havent met him , yesterday i came back to my hometown and met him , he was standing with other guys (my neighbours) i staret to walk towards them to meet, before i was there, he started to shout , look who is there and said very disrespectful words , i was speechles , i didnt expected from him to do like this, i stoped thinking and said nothing to him, but after some time it hit me very hard, i am still worried about it, hes acting like , he leaves me no choice but to punch him and i am afraid of it :( i dont know why but i am, i want to abuse him like he does to me but i am not good at it and he is, hes doing it whole life, i dont know , what to do anymore. ( yes i tried to talk to him very friendly way and agreed on some things but , hes doing it again and always tried to disrespect me in public)
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8 Answers
It sounds like moving away was a very good action on your part. You’re not going to change those bullies so avoiding them is the best thing to do. If I were you, I would not go home for quite a while and see if your family will meet you someplace else. In the meantime, it would probably make sense to get some therapy so you do not replicate that pattern in any new friendships you might make. Good luck!
I would also take self defense classes so if you are attacked by theses bullies again, you can take care of yourself and it would empower you and your thinking. Good luck.
And don’t use the word “friend” to describe people like that.
If you are 26 years old isn’t there a law to protect you?
Here in the US that is assault and you can press charges.
Otherwise I agree with @chyna, take classes so you get your power back from these bad people.
Get stronger physically, menatlly and emotionally…get to the GYm and get a professional trainer, get counselling to dertermine why you take it and from where you learned that survial tactic( home life).
Don’t get into becoming bullies like them that is how they most likely became that way in the first place, however understanding that YOU don’t have to end up like them you can be a better person withou becomming a bully.
I think the reason why after returning that that bully hit you is because you confronted him and it still eats at him however the only way that he handles things it to beat others into submission.
Leave for your own sake and take better care of your well being by being around emotinally mature individuals that are uplifting and help you to realize your worth is much more than them.
( I can see one possiblilty that you just may get into..Police career.
Take Karate or Tai Kwon Do, get proficient. Then pay them friendly visit. Don’t ever use it to play billy bad ass, but for sure use it to defend yourself, that’s what it is for. They jack with you, open a can of whoop ass on them. They end up in a hospital, guess it sucks to be them.
I was a very small child. I resented the way people treated me like being small was useless. I fought against it from the time I was a baby. I didn’t fight with causing pain to others. I tried all the time to show I was strong, fast, useful.
From your words, I feel you don’t want to be different, but you do want them to be different. That seems selfish.
Be who you are. Be comfortable about yourself. Those mean guys, they are not good for your life, and they never will be. Instead of trying to change them, replace them with people who don’t treat you badly.
This is a link to a song which has helped a lot of people who have experienced bad things.
https://youtu.be/MQPfRrX_Tt0
It is by a man who got bullied by his neighbors when he was a kid. He ended up becoming a professional wrestler. He stopped doing that to be a rapper. He faced a lot of problems in his life and finally decided he wanted to live, be happy, be who he really feels he is. A lot of his songs are controversial. The one I’m recommending to you is about seeing that other people hurt sometimes too. The point is, you can let the problems control you, or you can learn from the hard times and make your future better.
I hope good things for you.
Not sure why these were your “friends”. It sounds like you have self esteem issues and like many people like that, you cling to people you think like you. More accurately you create relationships that don’t exist.
Take a while to review yourself. You are a worthy person. How do I know? Because I have never met a person that didn’t have at least something to offer. Even people I would view as douchebags actually have something to contribute. But it is usually hidden under all sorts of other things. So look honestly at yourself. See what there is that you like and what there is that you don’t. And when you see the things you don’t like, don’t get depressed. EVERYONE has things they don’t like about themselves. Set standards in your life that you respect…and live by them. They are non-negotiable. They are the things that define who you are and what you respect. Once you do that, you will lay the groundwork to evict the current batch of “friends” and to surround yourself with people of quality that actually will be your friend.
You might want to start with the word “friend”. What is a friend to you? How do you treat YOUR friends? What do you look for in a friend? If you see a friend as someone that “abuses” you, then your definitions of friendship need a big overhaul. But that is my opinion. To me, a friend is someone that is happy to see you. Someone that rejoices when you succeed and commiserates with you when you don’t. They share your laughter and your tears.
Time to step up and own your life.
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