How would you resolve this?

Call the police.

Don’t call the police. I like your idea of having him work of the debt by doing chores for you. Talk to the Mom with the son present.

And – yikes!

I did have police come to document it but not to pursue charges. The officer went to talk to them about safety as many children are in our neighborhood.

How many times are you going to warn him in the future?
You know the next step up from the crossbow is a gun, especially considering how easy it is to get one in the colonies.

@ragingloli Not going to lie, that does concern me. 7 people were doing yard work next door when it happened, so we got lucky it was just a door-this time.
I’m conflicted which is why I asked all of you. I’m not a parent and generally he’s a good kid.

I’d have him work it off through chores in a supervised environment. Meaning, I wouldn’t have him mowing the lawn with no one around.

@cookieman Agreed. The mother is so lost in grief the lack of supervision is the main issue. I’m waiting on a call back from her today.
The kid immediately stopped and asked my husband if we were okay. It hit about chest high so it could have been deadly. So he did the right thing after the incident.

I have young grand children living with me, as well as pre-teens and teens who have friends over on overnights and so forth. I wouldn’t want to cause the family any problems, but I would give them a stern talking to. The first time. A very dangerous situation there. A second time and I would have to get the law involved.

How would you have reacted if he had used a firearm? Or if someone had been mildly injured (a graze, or minor flesh wound?)
An adult size crossbow can kill human sized game.

I am sorry that his father died, the grief related to that is unbearable and crippling, but it is a separate issue. If there have been repeated warnings, and he ignores them, this is a matter of great concern. Maybe don’t demand monetary recompense, but at the very least the weapons should be confiscated.

Ok that’s promising that he checked on you all. Don’t you have a dog? If so, the humans and pets in your neighborhood are all in danger.
I would work out something with him and his mom to work it off. And make sure it’s a measureable task. He can’t just mow your yard once and call it even.
Would your husband be up to taking the kid to a range where he can safely shoot his bow? It sounds like the kid might need some support and supervision from a male since his mom isn’t coping well.

Check on the crossbow laws in your state, in many states they require a license, and for the user to be 18 or over. This matter is too serious to be lawn-mowed away.

Errr…why does a 14yo have a crossbow?

If the Police talked to him and his Mother @canidmajor they would have brought that up,if he had broken any laws they would have confiscated the crossbow.
Right now the boy and his mom are working through the passing of his Dad, I would have him work off the damages with interest, with a firm warning anything like this ever happens again charges will be pressed.

All due respect, @SQUEEKY2, but you can’t possibly know that.
Police in the States have not been showing Good Sense in recent years.

Actually he could be charged but the cop will likely run it by Chief today. Discharging any weapon in city limits is a crime. I’m not sure if they will choose to prosecute, it’s up to the Chief and Prosecutor.
And being 14, it’s not legal for him without special circumstances. I wouldnt know if he has that permit but it’s unlikely.

How much faith do you have that he would actually follow through with any chores?
I mean, you had already warned him about the danger and he chose to ignore you, right? I think you’re probably better off just getting the money from him.

@raum A local male friend has taken the kid ‘under his wing’ and is trying to help him not take a bad path. He helped get him into hunting, shed hunting and other activities after the father passed.
After this incident, I did call that person so they were aware safety needs to be emphasized more.

@cheebdragon I tend to agree but I’ll know more after his mother calls. She immediately offered to pay with no estimate, but I know they’re struggling. Maybe we could split it, $200 cash and $200 in mowing. I just feel bad for him even though it was a dumb move.

@canidmajor He was with an adult, but it still happened, so as far as I know, he is legal to have one.

To use alternative hunting equipment during firearms seasons, you must:
Have hunter education certification or…
Be exempt from the hunter education certification requirement, for example, because you are under 16 years of age and are hunting in the immediate presence a qualified adult mentor or…
Purchase an Apprentice Hunter Authorization and hunt with a properly licensed adult hunter or…
Meet any other legal requirements as specified by the Missouri Department of Conservation.

@KNOWITALL That sounds like a nice gesture. But safety training seems to be incredibly lacking. I’d say some responsibility would be on the Good Samaritan.

He was with an adult who thought it’d be a good idea to practice in the backyard?

@raum Well that ‘adult’ took off as soon as it happened, so likely it was another kid who happened to be 18 years old. Or it was a lie.

I second on enrolling him in a gun/hunting safety class.

It’s a difficult situation, and I understand your reluctance to ask for the full amount of money, but it’s not up to you to raise the child. I think I would ask for the entire payment. It’s not about whether or not you or the mom can afford it. It’s about consequences for actions.

It’s great that you notified the male friend. That may take care of the behavior, and the money should take care of your window, plus his mother may impose her own consequences – take away the bow, it should only be used in woods anyway.

@RedDeerGuy1 For one thing, he wasn’t using a gun and it would likely just give him ideas and new desires. Secondly there are no consequences to what you’re suggesting. In fact, he would be rewarded. Also, how is it up to @KNOWITALL to pay for anything for him??

@smudges ok. It takes a community to raise a child. Just throwing the idea out there. Education doesn’t have to be a punishment or reward.

Someone has to help this confused child. There should be a role model to guide him into the man that he is becoming.

@RedDeerGuy1 Hunter’s Ed is free here and all hunters are required to take it, but being a kid, he hopefully just needed a wake-up call like this.

Almost all boys and girls take it here, even me and I don’t hunt.

@RedDeerGuy1 Oh I agree that he needs something or someone. I just don’t think that in this situation that gun education is appropriate. Why introduce him to something that he – so far – hasn’t expressed an interest in. Seems like that’s just opening a new can of worms. It’s sad that the mom is left to handle this alone. It’s pretty clear from the OPs original post that the child was having problems before his dad passed away.

@smudges I said gun education because I didn’t know if they had crossbow training? I thought that they would encourage responsibility. Maybe the OP could go camping and or go to a venue where teaching responsibility can help.

@KNOWITALL Thanks. I didn’t know that . I only went hunting once for pheasants to and did not have any requirements for a license. Other than a yearly fee

I would talk to the kid and to the mother, and use my impressions of them and how they communicate with me about the situation, to guide my choices.

Given my own experiences of young friends and family and all the things we got into (including a young kid accidentally shooting an arrow into a neighbor’s garage door, and the reaction was OH NO! and not risking that again), I would tend to say that if the kid treats us as people he cares about, seems to have a conscience, and a sense that this was wrong and dangerous and that it really shouldn’t happen again, that I would not be particularly concerned. Getting caught shooting the neighbor’s house tends to make a strong impression unless the kid is off the rails.

If the kid does seem off the rails, then I would be more concerned and more interested in asking the police to at least record the things he does, and be aware there’s a kid who’s prone to act out (so I’d then be alert for the many sorts of things the kids I knew did – vandalism, sneaking around at night, pranks, theft, random missile launching, pyromaniac tendencies, etc).

As for cash versus yard work, that would depend on whether I wanted the kid to do things on my property or not, and how able to pay they seemed.

Does your insurance cover crossbow damage to doors?

There are issues here that can’t be resolved through yard work. What was this kid doing with a potentially lethal weapon in the first place? Who bought it for him? At the very least the crossbow should be sold and the money raised put towards the cost of the door.

Chief just called me, didn’t say what would happen but they are taking it seriously.

@flutherother If an adult was with him he wasn’t doing anything illegal BUT it certainly wasn’t safe. All weapons should be handled in a way that even with a mistake, no one is at risk.

I was also told the boy left for summer camp this morning and mom hasnt called me back yet. :(

@Zaku I’m not filing a claim for under $500. But I did call them just in case.

Many disabled people here apply for crossbow permits, it’s not unusual, and your hunting season is longer. Wheelchair patients and epileptics, especially.

Him having the crossbow isn’t an issue for me, when supervised and in appropriate areas.
I have a feeling the kid may be in more trouble than he realizes.

@KNOWITALL Foe his good AND the SAFETY of you and your neighborhood, pres charges! Now.

If I was the boy’s parent summer camp would have been cancelled.

@KNOWITALL: If you’re friendly with the cops, I’d ask them what they think a good solution would be. I’m sure they’ve been down this road before as police and maybe as parents, too. They may have some good advice.

@flutherother The Mom probably needs a break and summer camp may be the best thing that can happen for the boy as well. I would not cancel that.

If the family is impoverished, the summer camp may be paid for by an agency (Social Services or a community agency) and so not sending him to camp would not make sense.

@si3tech The Prosecutor is the one who makes that call, but otherwise I declined. Discharging a lethal weapon in city limits is a pretty big deal though.

@jca2 The Chief road the school bus with my mom, aunts and uncles so yeah, I expressed my concerns.

Still no call back from the mother yet.

@KNOWITALL: See, that would piss me off. If I were the mom, calling you would be high on my list. Of course, it’s very possible she’s busy doing something or other, but if I were her (this is just me), I’d text you and say she got busy doing such and such and will be home around 9 and will call you then, or something like that, or “Is it ok if I call you tomorrow?”

Or maybe the mom is just so overwhelmed with grief that she can barely function. I hope it’s not that she is just blowing you off because that would really make me want to press charges.

I would like to agree with @chyna ,because if she is just blowing you off would be totally wrong .
I would like to know more about the door,was he aiming at it,was it directly behind his target, was it a deflected shot?

That’s a pretty tough one. You were right to file a report and not press charges. I did not read through the whole thread but I would ask that he have the crossbow taken from him. He is clearly not mature enough to have it. I would make him at the very least do the yard work for you but like the whole summer. The kid is only 14 and just lost a father. That and being in poverty is even worse. Keeping him busy working off his debt also allows you to keep an eye on him and possibly allow you to be a good influence on him. That kid is probably going to need some mentoring and guidance.

I’d talk to the mother but not the kid. I’d lay out your thoughts. The child is shooting things at your yard/house. He broke your door and could have seriously injured/killed someone if they had been between him and the door. This isn’t the first time he has shot things at your house. Unfortunately (according to the question) you only talked to the kid about these things.

I’d tell the mother the behavior has to stop. I’d suggest the two of you work out what the right punishment would be and what the options are. They could tell you to eff off in which case you can call the police and take them to small claims court and let the court set the punishment. You could have them just pay the cost of replacing the door. You could pay for the door yourself but you want the kid to have to work off the debt and indicated what and for how long that would look like.

With any result I’d make sure they know that you will no longer tolerate things being shot towards your yard.

I admit I’m a little disappointed, too. But I’m still hopeful she’ll call. And while I know she is grieving, he passed around Dec 2021 from a heartattack, so it’s not a brand new grief.

@SQUEEKY2 A field seperates my house from their duplex. He was sighting his crossbow supposedly. So we’re talking 100 yards, thru two panes of glass, so it was fully strung. At heart/chest level.

@KNOWITALL Do you have a “Plan B” for if she doesn’t call?

@jca2 My only option would be small claims court or to just let it go. I have no estimates in writing yet, as the glass guy is coming today.

@KNOWITALL: I wonder if the prosecutor will prosecute.

@jca2 You never know here, but I would say yes.

Just Wow. I have done some stupid things in my childhood, but this is plain reckless. This is not a subtle issue. The money is the least issue going on here.
It sounds like this is not an isolated issue and the prior issues with BB guns, etc were not dealt with in a way that stopped his actions.
I don’t hold much faith that they boy has enough IQ ato change based on what I read. A 14 yr old should understand what can happen in this situation and make a choice not to.
Apologies that I have no recommendation here outside of him needing some therapy/lengthy conversation to understand why he does what he does with no care.

@Forever_Free I agree. I’ve met both his parents and they are not high IQ types. Last year my husband and I discussed his future based on current behavior and it was bleak indeed.
And I only posted a few things here, there are more. He’ll likely end up in jail with no clue how it happened.

That’s why I tell all my young friends that having kids is an option, not your pre-determined destiny tgat you have no control over. Just sad watching it happen over and over.

Nice answer ^^^ @KNOWITALL .

I’m still amazed that the mom did not talk to you like she said she would, @KNOWITALL. As if the problem just goes away if she ignores it.

@jca2 I know, still nothing. I asked a mutual friend to double-check the phone number, so hopefully she will pass it on.
My husband is irritated, too, which makes me nervous. He’ll stomp over there, hand her the bill and just wait. Sigh.

It sounds like she and her son need a “wake-up call”, grieving or not. If you think you have waited long enough, go over there, and start the conversation yourself, preferably with the kid present. I think you will need another person with you. Plan ahead what you’re going to say, have the bill in hand, and suggest ways it could be paid off (her son needs to pay the majority of the cost). How they respond will determine your next step, but be sure to document, with photos, because it may end up in small claims court.

This is not a personal issue; it’s a concern that affects the your neighborhood, and tell them that.

The husband dying six months ago, yes, she’s still grieving but presumably she’s back to work now and doing all of her daily activities. Therefore, to me, her husband dying six months ago is not really relevant as an excuse for her not to come have a conversation with @KNOWITALL.

Can the criminal court order some sort of restitution to you if it goes before a judge?

I like the idea of the kid working the debt off for you somehow, but more importantly he needs to understand how dangerous his actions were. When I skimmed the answers above I didn’t notice if you said if he was apologetic and whether you felt he learned a lesson about his actions could have seriously harmed someone.

I feel badly for the mom and boy both; they are dealing with a lot; but the younger this boy learns he could have accidentally killed someone the better for him and others.

Hopefully, a judge would order him to a weapon safety class. Maybe the cops can just give him a citation of some sort and it will never go to a judge.

Maybe if it went to court, the Judge could mandate him to Probation. Probation would ensure he attends school, maybe therapy too. Some may say that mandated therapy is not as good as going to therapy of your own free will, and it may not be, but it’s better than nothing and even when people attend mandated therapy, they can and do connect with their therapists and some good may come of it. Yes, restitution could be part of Probation too. The Judge could order all sorts of things.

I have to admit I wondered if the child was white or Black; I was concerned he would be treated differently in court depending on his race.

There have been stories of Black children being thrown in jail even it was completely incongruent with what they did, when the intent of the adult reporting was to just scare the child a little so the kid would understand how serious or dangerous their crime was and hopefully not repeat the behavior.

Even regardless of race I’d be worried about an overreaction from the law, but this is so serious I think I would have reported too. Especially, if the parent’s reaction was unsatisfactory. Even if the parent is overwhelmed, sick, or grieving, that might cause us to be empathetic, but it doesn’t change the child needs someone to correct the behavior.

He’s white. I do have two nice hispanic neighbors and a lovely black family with all girls. Everyone’s pretty chill but white neighbors are definately more problematic. Haha, it’s true.

Ha! Lol. I wasn’t thinking in terms of who is more problematic, but rather police and judicial handling of the matter.

His mom text today and accepts full responsibility. Yay! We are letting him work off $200 if he wants, with supervision. :)

I’d go to the PD and make sure it’s documented, so if he does something in the future, it’s on record that he did it and most importantly, that his mother accepts responsibility (in other words, that he admits guilt).