[Aliens here]: We do have games such as those but we prefer to divide and conquer using real human beings. You don’t always see us and we try to remain incognito and many times it’s the thrill of the chase because you earthlings seem to be quite adept at fleeing from danger and finding hiding spots in the most convenient of places.
We readily admit that our Death Rays attract a lot of attention and we can’t just land anywhere we want because those cloaking devices you’ve seen on those laughable Klingon ships are non-existent. We don’t even have those where we come from and our ships are pretty big ones.
My fellow aliens and I hail from the Andromeda Galaxy and our inspiration for visiting you was being intrigued by everything we saw on your show “The X-Files”. That Special Agent Fox Mulder really seemed genuine in his pursuit to find out that ‘the truth is out there’. Well, I’m living proof of that truth.
While were on the subject too, let’s clear up a few misconceptions for the nonbelievers, shall we? First of all, we don’t all look like that long necked, huge eyed alien in the movie ‘E.T.’ or those hammer headed, tentacled freaks in the movie ‘Independence Day’. As far as pointed ears, bad haircuts, and oozing green blood, none of us are Mr. Spock reincarnations and there is no planet Vulcan. Nice try Gene Roddenberry. And before you ask, I haven’t seen a Klingon or a Romulan anywhere so don’t even try it.
This notion of us coming down to invade your planet and dominate your species makes about as much sense as expecting someone like George Bush (we heard a lot about this walking disaster area before we arrived) to be a competent leader…...of anything. Believe me, we feel your pain when we see this guy in action. I can’t even offer your species any advice on how to tolerate this person either because where we come from, we can all speak in complete sentences with actual working vocabularies.
You’re probably wondering if we’re going to share all of our advanced technology with you in hopes that you can save yourselves from a terrible demise at some unknown point. That might be a possibility but it will have to happen at a later time. We can’t concentrate on helping you right now because we’re laughing so hard at what you’re paying for a gallon of gas and how you’ve gotten yourselves so worked up over something called ‘global warming’. We use that term too but it only applies when we’ve all been drinking some Galaxian Ale and we all engage in a collective fart that heats up our whole planet in a fraction of a second.
Honestly though, we really do like it here and we’re going to stay a while. Thanks for making us feel welcome and we’ll see you around from time to time!